A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Questions for the men and women on this site.1 ) how old were you when you found the " one "? 2) did u ever give up waiting?3) were u ever jealous if someone find their special someone before you?4) do you believe in waiting for that special someone? 5) how do you know if you have found the one?6) do you believe that everyone has a "soulmate"?Random thoughts from me Last but not least, I know everyone life is different but why do some people find the "one" later than others? Thanks for reading/answering
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 July 2015): I think the term "the One" applies when things start getting serious and you are both ready to make a life together.In this way you make bonds of loyalty to each other but loyalty has to be reciprocated unless you alreadymade a prior decision to skip that part of the mutual decision. The One should always make you feel good and be considerate and kind , unless you are looking for someone with the pimp factor who is prepared to lie cheat and manipulate to get what they want out of you.If youare newly out of a relationship and it was a bad one then you may want to recreate that same situation because personal growth has not occured.Your primary relationship is with your creator,hopefully ,you have faith in God having a pathway for you. You get pretty much what you see in a relationship so dint expect any changes there. A work aholic remains that way , just as a crack addict will always resort to being a crack addict, fitness folk have to take a lull when baby gets born, but ive seen some otherwise intelligent folk do daft things with their kids in the back of beyond in the name of fitness so this clearly is a pressure forthem.Adaptability is a good quality for future life with children.Screaming, shouting and hitting is not ...so avoid these qualities in a partner as they wont tone it down, no, they will just take a hike to bewith someone they care about less.Its probably best to start out with a happy partnershipand a good bit of attraction and a feeling you can rely on that person through thick or thin. A lot of successful marriages are a sham, but yours can be what you want it to be.
A
male
reader, dougbcoll +, writes (11 July 2015):
 (1) i was 20
(2) we broke up for 18 months , got back together and got married 6 months later.
(3) no
(4) i don,t believe in rushing things, you can create more problems, and heart ache by ending up wit the wrong person by just wanting to be with someone out of loneliness.
(5) it is the person i cant live without, not just someone i can live with.
(6) there is someone that will fit you like a glove, your interest, their character, their love for you.
(7) "why do some find the one later than others?" good question it can come down to several things , location, not met the right one yet, too picky: i feel like this one fit my sister "she did not meet her husband until she was 29, and married at 30"
i hope this helps , but for me it all came down to : i could not live without her.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 July 2015): As a person, you will grow and change with time. So will your tastes and criteria for who is right for you.
People who believe in soulmates are unrealistic in their perceptions of what love is, and don't realize how what you need can change according to who you are at that moment in time. I learned that, and I'm not talking out of my butt. Dismiss all that crap about soulmates, and one and only's.
He may not be your soulmate, but he could be the man who is right for you for that particular time in your life. "Soulmate" is a made-up word that has no logical foundation in the reality of life.
Unpredictable things happen in life that can change who you're with. Like cancer or death from an accident. Cancer took the most precious man I've ever loved away from me. So I had to be open and ready to find love again. Sometimes people change on you. So you must have the right perception about human nature. Please view life on mature and logical terms.
Never ever think there is a "one and only." It's safe to believe there is someone you can share your life until you grow old. There may be more than one. No one should be coveted as an "only," or you'll put-up with shit; because of your unrealistic perception about life and love.
There is no such thing as a soulmate. I had a relationship with a man I loved for nearly thirty years who died from cancer. Later, I met someone who was fantastic. He dumped me. Then I met this wonderful man, whom I'm with now.
He's different from all the men I've ever known. I'm not placing him on a pedestal. Things could change. So I keep it all in perspective.
This guy came along when I wasn't even searching. He's sweet, funny, generous, odd, strong, and a good man. I always stay grounded in reality; because everyone you meet who is good to you will seem they are the last and only one. That isn't so. You want to love until the end of your days. It may be with different people.
Love the one who is good to you as long as that will last.
If it ends, prepare yourself to love someone different, and good too you. That's all I've got to say.
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A
female
reader, mystiquek +, writes (10 July 2015):
 I don't believe that there is just one person in the world for each of us. You can be compatible with different people at different times in your life. I do think that you may meet one person in your life that affects you profoundly and they are the type of person that you just click right from the start. The kind of person that you just feel happier when they are around, you think alike, they understand you, you don't even have to explain yourself, they just "get" you. You can be together and not even have to talk and be perfectly happy. You can be in love with someone, but know that you aren't a perfect fit. You can make it work but its harder. With some people though the relationship just sort of flows and there doesn't seem to be any problems because you just seem to "fit".
I've been married twice. I knew with both marriages that it wasn't my "soul mate"..something was missing in each marriage, and each marriage ended badly. My first husband was immature and abusive. My second husband was an alcoholic. Things worked for awhile with each marriage but in the end, I just wanted out.
I just recently remarried (gasp..for the 3rd time). I waited 14 years. I was scared to marry again even though we fit like a glove on a hand. Everything just clicked from the start..it truly was love at first sight for both of us. I adore this man. He treats me like a princess. I can't imagine my life without him. I know in my heart he's the one I should have always been with, but he wasn't there until after I had been through some really bad times. Soul mate? Maybe...love of my life..most definitely. I love him like I have never loved anyone. He makes everything about my life better just because he is in it.
I wouldn't tell anyone to hang around waiting for the "the one"..they might miss out on some great experiences. All I can say is when you do meet the so called "one"..you will know it.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (10 July 2015):
 I am a simple guy, and have just one criterion for who is "the one"... at any time. She is the girl who SHOWS UP!!!.....
Good luck.....
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (10 July 2015):
 I want to start bu saying I DO NOT believe in a "soul mate" - I ADORE the idea that we are created as a pair - salt and pepper shakers, but I don't believe it's so. WAY to many variables for that to actually work. Some people are JUST a better fit that others.
1 ) how old were you when you found the " one "?
My first "one" I met at 19 - we were together for 4 1/2 years.
My second "one" I met at 27 - we have been married for 17 years, together 19.
2) did u ever give up waiting?
No, I never sat around and WAITED for someone to make my life "special". I believe EACH individual is charge of their OWN happiness.
3) were u ever jealous if someone find their special someone before you?
My male best friend and my female best friend started dating and later because a couple and married with kids. I wasn't jealous, I was happy because there was no doubt they were/are a SUPER match.
I think jealousy is an ugly feeling and ugly state of mind, something I avoid. I rather be HAPPY for other people.
4) do you believe in waiting for that special someone?
No. I believe in living my life, making mistakes and enjoying life.
5) how do you know if you have found the one?
Good question. I think there is a sense of being with someone, and you can talk about ANYTHING and EVERYTHING, but you can also sit and not talk without awkwardness. You aren't two halves - you are TWO wholes who fit together.
6) do you believe that everyone has a "soul mate"?
No.
(7)Random thoughts from me. Last but not least, I know everyone life is different but why do some people find the "one" later than others?
Maybe they aren't sure what they are looking for? Maybe they don't know what they need, only what they WANT. Maturity develops at different speeds and after life experiences, if someone is convinced that Mr. Right will show up; "so I better wait for him..." She might not make a whole lot of personal growth as she is in a holding pattern for a person who MAY not even show. Life is NEVER predicable.
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (10 July 2015):
 1 ) How old were you when you found the " one "?
31
2) Did u ever give up waiting?
No, because I believed in love and despite all the bad times that I'd had in my love life, I was hopeful that I would one day meet someone who I deserved and who truly deserved me.
3) Were u ever jealous if someone find their special someone before you?
To be honest, at times yes. But then jealousy is too strong a word, maybe it was that wistful longing that I felt. When I saw people in happy relationships, I wanted the same for myself too. Its only natural to feel that way.
4) Do you believe in waiting for that special someone?
I knew for a fact that I'd never settle, so yes, I did believe in waiting for that special someone.
5) How do you know if you have found the one?
I just knew instinctively. Something within me told me to leave everything else and just be with the gorgeous man that I had met that crisp winter morning and I knew, just from somewhere deep within, that he was going to play a very important role in my life.
6) Do you believe that everyone has a "soulmate"?
I don't know about that but I do know that there are certain people you'll meet along the way, who may or may not be lovers, but will be a special part of your life and you'll feel like your souls are connected in some inexplicable way.
7.) I know everyone life is different but why do some people find the "one" later than others?
Its just a matter of time sweetie. Some people wait longer than others...but you know what, I'm glad that I did because the love of my life is completely worth the wait. And do you know how long HE waited for? 38 years! And now, we're getting married soon!
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A
female
reader, femmenoir  +, writes (10 July 2015):
 Hi,
i believe that anybody could/may be our soulmate & it may happen @ any stage of our lives, regardless of age.
Soulmate could apply tom friendship & not only a deeper relationship.
To find, 'the one', is somewhat different. When you find that special someone, you'll simply know, deep within your gut, your psyche. It's that simple & easy to differentiate.
You feel so different to any feeling you've ever had before & your inner voice, your sub-conscious, your heart all speak to you & you just know.
Also, when you do finally meet your ideal match/suitor, you will know that they are your truest love, your truest connection & yes, your deepest/truest soulmate. Different to all other relationships, platonic or otherwise that you may have encountered.
To answer all your questions,
1. I was 44 when i found the 'real one' for me.
2. No, i never gave up waiting, for although i am of mature age, i simply knew that a special man would eventually come my way, regardless of how many years had passed & regardless of how many previous relationships i'd had, both good & not so good.
3.No, i was & never have been jealous of anybody elses happiness &/or luck, because i knew that my time was yet to come & theirs had already come, or we could ask, had it?
How could we ever possibly know, what goes on within anybody elses private life, no matter how great things may seem on the outer?
Anyway, even if others found their special connection, prior to yourself, that doesn't really mean anything, because when yours does come, it may be even better than others relationships that you know of.
Jealousy is what causes a lot of heartache & needless pain.
We must release all jealousy & accept what is & what is to be or become of us. Live & take 1 day @ a time. Easier!
Also, regretably, not everybody finds their truest love within their lifetime & not everybody is cut out for reltionships, nor do they want to be in one. It's all about making individual choices. I know of many women who never married, nor ever had children, but they're none the worse off for it. Some do have regrets, others don't.Everybosy is different & we all have different needs, yearn for different things.
4.Yes, i do believe that we must be patient, we must wait & see what is to come, what is to be, if @ all it's meant to be for each of us.
Life, as we all know, is almost always, full of surprises around every corner. That's where the real fun & beauty lays.
Better not to chase, if something is meant to be, it'll turn up when you least expect it. Act without desperation, you'll be better off for having done so.
Also, better to be single & happy, then to be within a relationship & be unhappy.
5.Well, i said it within my first paragraph. You just know, deep within your gut, within your heart & oh it feels so, so good, like no other feeling on earth. To love & to be loved in return without any hesitation, nor reservation-bliss! Happy days are yet to come! :-)
6.No, i don't believe that everybody has a soulmate, primarily because they may not have met the person that they're most connected with in this lifetime.
That doesn't mean to say, however, that we all don't have, nor cannot find our soulmate, because we could, it's just that many of us will go through our respective lives not having had the deepest connection, with those that we chose to connect with, especially intimately/relationship wise.
7.Well, quite simply, many find their truest love, their truest connection, much later in life, because that's just the way life is. One cannot read into such matters. That is actually a difficult question to analyse deeply & to give the most accurate answer, bec there is no real rational, nor accurate answer to give to this question.
Speaking from personal experience, all i can say to you, is that we don't plan to fall in & out of love @ any age, but things just happen as they do. Nor do we know who we will connect with on tyhe very deepest level, if & until when we feel we have.
I would even add, that if any of us have found the deepest connection ever, within this life, how do we truly know that there could well have been an even deeper connection with somebody else, somebody that we never met.
If we believe in God, guardian angels, then we believe that they've been watching over us & perhaps they've sent the right person to us @ the right timing within our lives, however, early or late that is.
As a final conclusion, i like the saying, everything happens as it is supposed to & for this, we must simply accept.
Again, if you're a spiritual being, you may say, if God had intended for this to happen to me, it would have been so, but if it didn't happen, then there must be some reason for this.
Ultimately, we're all born with a free wiil & it's what we do with that free will that counts, that amounts to the type of person we are, the type of life we lead/led.
The final way, that people we knew will remember us.
All the best! :-)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2015): 1) 202) I wasn't actually looking. 3) no I was inspired4) I don't believe in settling. And I think you have to proactively pit yourself out there to meet new people rather than twiddle your thumbs at home and hope he comes knocking at your door.5) words can't describe it. I suppose It's like an orgasm. You just know when you've had it. Different people describe it differently.I suppose the easiest way to explain it is our lives are richer, happier, healthier together.6) soulmate implies it's written in the star. That it will work out effortlessly. I don't believe that to be the case. Our relationship is like a bank. You withdraw what you deposit. I give him love, laughter, support and compassion he gives me all the things I need. We 'work' at depositing little acts of kindness. And its all saved up at a high interest rate. When shit hits the fan, as it does, we can both rely on what we've invested to give us the strength and motivation to withstand problems. I wouldn't say we are soulmates. I'd say we're a pretty amazing team. We both choose to be here and both choose to make it work.
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