A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I had this fear until last week that my girlfriend was faking orgasms. We are each other's first sexual partners, and I relied on my fingers/tongue, rather than my woefully average 5 inches in girth to get the job done. I don't see a reason why she would need to fake them at all seeing as we're both learning. I had a realization that she would really not gain anything from faking an orgasm during foreplay, (fingering mostly), which is largely where I try to get it from, so my fears went away. She gets red, tenses up, makes odd but not theatrical noise, and arches her back all while getting really wet inside but not really squirting. Her vagins also seems bigger/wider and feels different after this happens. Im only using two of my very skinny fingers though. (from "come hither" g-spot stimulation and oral)So, do these signs point to an orgasm, short of actually asking her, and does it make sense to fake one during foreplay? and if it does, is it a common thing?
View related questions:
foreplay, g-spot, orgasm, really wet, squirt Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, celtic_tiger  +, writes (4 March 2011):
 I agree with all the others, but I would like to point out, that normal women are not like the ones you see in porn films! Porn is not REAL life sex. It is a total fantasy for the male mind. 99% of women do not squirt, or make those bizzarre theatrical noises you speak of. All those small things you mentioned are what real women do.
A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (4 March 2011):
 LOL...no, you won't have the force of the contractions rip your fingets/penis off. That doesn't happen. Remember, a woman is delicate and gentle. If you feel a flutter, you're good!
Plus, it's true that all women are different. I can't stand the "come hither" thing either, but some women love it.
...............................
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (4 March 2011):
 All vaginas orgasm differently - and orgasm can differ from one time to another , be more intense and prolonged one time, and just a flutter the next.All you describe could mean that she is having an orgasm - or simply that she is getting very aroused- pretty close, but ...no cigar.Two advices 1):ask her, she must know. No need for shyness-if you are not too shy to get naked and insert your fingers / penis in her vagina, you should be comfortable enough to ask her a simple question !And 2 ) don't make her orgasm the be all and end all of your lovemaking, and don't make her feel you are hurt or disappointed if she is not having one. Women are different, the orgasm is like the cherry on top of the cake, but even without the cherry, it can be a pretty delicious cake anyway . Dmartin89 is absolutely correct, most women can have a really great time even without the grand finale of contractions.
...............................
A
female
reader, dmartin89 +, writes (4 March 2011):
 Also bear in mind, that women can experience sexual pleasure WITHOUT having an orgasm.
If sex was all about the orgasm, then I wouldent be doing it every day!
...............................
A
female
reader, dmartin89 +, writes (4 March 2011):
During foreplay and sex I get red, sweaty, my muscles contract in my back and pelvis, I moan and grind my hips up to my boyfriend and my pelvic floor contracts.
I enjoy sex, but i have NEVER had an orgasm by someone else.
I know what orgasms are, I've given myself thousands. And when I play with myself I am still and quiet.
Men have to learn that every woman is different. Personally I hate that "come hither" finger thing. It feels wrong and horrible but thats how some other women get off.
Ask her if she has had an orgasm. If she says "Yeah..i think, well it feels nice when you touch me" Then no she has not. Women KNOW when they have an orgasm.
When men expect a certain thing, for a woman to make certin noises, move a certin way, then it becomes a whole lot easier for us to fake it.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 March 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThe contractions are the one thing that I don't really know. I was expecting to have my fingers/penis damn near ripped off by the force, but all i really felt was as one poster described it a "flutter", maybe a squeeze or so, but nothing really strong. Does this mean the orgasm isn't intense, or do all vaginas simply orgasm differently?
...............................
A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (4 March 2011):
Squirting is actually pretty rare. The vagina feeling different is a possibility that she's had a real one. Do you keep your fingers in there while it's happening until it passes? An orgasm produces involuntary contractions in the vagina similar to the ones that the penis has when it ejaculates. Like ejaculation, they can be weak and almost a flutter, or they can be very strong and powerful.
From what you described, it sounds like a real one. One big telltale is that she's not being theatric. Usually women at your age trying to fake it are pretty obvious with the porn star wannabe sounds.
...............................
A
female
reader, Andulikeittoo +, writes (4 March 2011):
 If you feel her vagina tightening around your fingers when she's coming, then no she's not faking.. And the stuff u mentioned are signs of orgasm.
...............................
A
female
reader, Sincerely Yours +, writes (4 March 2011):
 It does not make sense to fake one during foreplay. In my opinion. I have faked them before, and I usually do it once I'm through foreplay and well into the main activity. I do it once I start feeling bad at either 1. how long i'm taking or 2. the fact that he's not good and I feel too bad to tell him.
But foreplay... there's still plenty of time for her and honestly, most women would not want to cum so early and would not want their significant other to think that they cum so early.
And the signs do point to orgasm. She certainly cannot make herself turn red. And if trying to sound orgasmic, she would more likely mimic sounds she's heard in sex scenes, not make random ones she made up.
But then again, there is noting wrong with asking. "hey.. I know this is kinda weird... but I want to ask you and make sure you know not to fake an orgasm. If I'm doing someting wrong, I need to know so that we can improve. Otherwise, i'll never really learn."
Nothin wrong with that.
...............................
A
female
reader, Hayori18 +, writes (4 March 2011):
Ok well she could be having an orgasm. If she is wet and red faced I'm sure she is orgasming. Not all girls squirt. Squirting is less common than people think. I hope this helps :)
...............................
A
female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (4 March 2011):
 She doesn't sound at all like she's faking to me! You are intimately witnessing all of the physiological signs of a legit orgasm. If you want to find out if she's totally satisfied, just ask "is there anything new you want to try or that you like me doing?" - don't ask "do you not like the sex we have? What am I doing wrong?" - because then you'll be asking her to reassure you, not tell you what she's really into.
But, she sounds perfectly happy to me. Lots of girls get off during foreplay, so she's perfectly normal as well.
...............................
|
