A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Good morning. I appreciate that all men are different and that all women are different. Could someone explain to me (in a work related context) why a woman would turn down one guy's approach face-to-face by saying 'let's just be friends' whereas she might not be able to turn down another guy face to face, chosing instead to turn him down via e-mail or even via human resources. Is this all to do with rapport? Do some women find certain men intimidating and prefer to deal with them at arm's length? Ta very much like! Reply to this Question
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female
reader, pepper27  +, writes (4 October 2008):
 love n hugs someones got my line there its not me strange anon person love n hugs xxxxxxxxxxxxxx
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 October 2008): Hiya!!! Me thinks I'm with older sister on this one. I think female anonymous may be confusing 'feeling really uncomfortable' with 'sexual tension'. Sexual tension is a nice feeling, surely, and as you say, older sister, builds up gradually. The creep comes at you out of no-where all guns blazing 'cos he has suddenly decided that is wholly convenient for him - selfish b*stard! Yours, another female anonymous!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 October 2008): ...perhaps this is to do with 'feelings'. If a girl thinks a guy just wants to have some fun than a f-2-f turn down is easier to exectute. If feelings are involved then maybe the f-2-f approach is too confrontational. Also factor in whether the guy and the girl are usually seen talking together in the office. If they are then an f-2-f turn down is more likely than if they are barely ever seen talking together. But then if they are barely ever seen talking together then what's the guy doing asking her out in the first place? Also, if a guy asks out a woman via e-mail then she may well just reject him via e-mail. If he asks her out face to face then she may reject him face to face. Perhaps this depends on how experienced/confident the woman is with men and what level of rapport she has with the guy in question.
Thanks for your comments, everyone - I think we're done on this. Have a nice day!
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (4 October 2008):
 I don't think there is one single answer for this way to reject someone's advances. If the woman resorted to HR, she may have thought she needed a strong ally (strong as in "I can get you fired"). But that tells us nothing about why the woman turned down the man in that manner. Was he a real threat, or he was no threat but the girl thought he was?
Again, there can be more than one explanation about why a woman turns you down by e-mail. Or phone, or letter, or through a friend, whatever. Or if she does it face to face.
I also suppose a woman might turn different men down in different manners, depending on the man in question or the situation.
You can't make general assumptions in this. And you can't expect all women to behave in the same way to all men.
I also feel there's more to this story.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 October 2008): Hey, Oldersister! "so it was natural and no pressure really." Where's the sexual excitement? Where's the sexual tension? Give me the creep any day of the week - you know he's better looking - you just can't handle the fact that other women will be competing for his attention. Why settle for second place? Life's too short. Everyone knows that the more testosterone a man has the more difficult he is to communicate with. That's why all those effeminate blokes can be turned down face to face whereas the real men are almost too hot to handle - but certainly worth the investment!
GirlPower! Love and hugs xxx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 October 2008): "...it was natural and no pressure really.". Doesn't sound very exciting, Older sister! Sounds like you can take it or leave it. Where's the sexual tension there, then? That said, I never go out with the guys who make my heart skip a beat - I usually bottle it and go for the tried and tested 'nice guys'. That way I don't get hurt. I've been hurt in the past, you see...... Love and hugs xxx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 October 2008): Hey there! As for me (a married woman) I was asked out by this guy recently who has kids. Although I like the guy and have had fleeting interactions with him over a period of years, I was so taken aback that I needed HR help to turn his offer down via e-mail i.e. he doesn't actually know that I went to HR for assistance, so I guess I'm a bit of both, really! If I was single then he would have admittedly gotten a date...but I'm not...he's a good looking guy though - but I just can't talk to him.
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A
female
reader, Honeygirl  +, writes (3 October 2008):
 I would guess that the one guy she felt she could turn down with out any repercussions... the other guy perhaps he intimidated her that is why she asked for help to turn him down?
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A
female
reader, pepper27 +, writes (3 October 2008):
Hi Hunny
I imagine it all depends on how close you are to the said person, If you were already friends with the one that asked you out and felt comfortable with them then it may be alot easier to say lets just be friends. But then that could be because they dont want to cause any confusion at work by going out with a colleague and loosing a friend..And maybe some women just think going out with the men they work with could cause problems if something went wrong, Basicly hun some women are more open and confident than others just as men are so they may find it easier to write it and send the answer than just to say it face to face. I hope this helps hunny TAKE CARE OF YOU LOVE MANDY XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
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A
female
reader, happytochat  +, writes (3 October 2008):
I think that she must of found the guy who she turned down face to face less intimidating then the guy she turned down by email/via HR.
Or maybe she had more respect for the guy who she turned down face to face. Maybe she felt she owed that to him, but not so much to the guy who she turned down by email/human resources. Having said that, I beleive everyone deserves to be turned down face to face, but some people dont see it that way unfortunatly.
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