A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I was reluctantly planning on moving to florida to go to school at a community college full time august 1st. july 26th i invited my friend jamie to my friend davids birthday party, because she was nice and i thought she was cute. she brought along her ex boyfriend ryan unexpectedly, but all night right in front of him told me she wanted me to stay, and that she really liked me. i couldnt take her seriously cause her ex was there.due to personal reasons i decided to stay and figured it wouldnt hurt to give her a shot. she hung out with me, and we really got along. we had a few dates and kissed. and eventually she told me she kissed her ex that night of the party and she felt guilty. no biggy to me really, because its not like we were dating.august 10th she invited me to her house to meet her family and we began exclusively dating. her phone was going off nonstop, one time she gave me a deer in the headlights look when i came out of the bathroom and she was on her phone. she set the phone on the table and i walked over to sit down and it went off as i was walking over, the name 'sean' was on the screen. she picked up her phone and said "my sisters boyfriend chad is in town". i asked "is chad the only person thats texted you?" she said yes. then 15 minutes later admitted that ryan had texted her today as well, and her friend from frederick (im assuming sean). she once again said she felt guilty. i let that go. i looked at her phone one day while she was showering and saw in her tmail(all her email is hooked up to her phone) a craigslist ad with a guy (who said he was 26), my girlfriend is 19, im 20. she said shed love to meet him and thought he was interesting. the email was from august 1st. so i figured since it was before we started dating, it didnt matter. i didnt even ask about it, nor did i really care. we had sex kind of quickly, which was surprising to me because the whole time she said she wasnt going to. and i said thats alright.this past weekend, once again she was showering and i was watching movies online on her computer, i decided to look at her start menu under 'recent items' and saw a bunch of photographs of her face, and then 3 photographs of a middle aged guys face. the date on the document was september 9th (which means it was created while we were dating). i found the source folder and it was compiled with hundreds of pictures of guys (no exaggeration), but this file was particularly recent, and all the others were very old. i asked her what it was when she got out of the shower, and she said it was probably from when she was trying to meet guys on craigslist, then i asked why it was in recently viewed items and why it was such a recent file. she then denied knowing what it was at all. she said her dad probably got on her computer to access a file cause hes a lawyer, but i said "if hes accessing a file, wouldnt it be a text file, and why would he open up pictures of a guys face from craigslist". she said she just doesnt know what it is. ive heard shes dated lots of guys, she used to have her status as 'swinger' and she said it was a joke, but after what ive heard, she never really settled with anyone and was always going on dates with more than one guy at a time. i called her and told her i wanted to discuss the photographs i found because it didnt make sense. i said i dont want to argue but she immediately started getting snappy and arguing, saying "what makes you an expert!" and things of that sort. but i told her i wanted to work through it, and figure out what it was because its just not matching up with what shes saying. she made a comment saying "you think im a slut??" then said "you think im cheating" "if i was cheating, i wouldnt do it on the internet". but what struck me was that i never called her a slut, nor did i say anything about cheating. tomorrow she is coming to my house for the weekend, but she wants me to drive to see her (she lives in pa, im in md). even though i drove to see her last weekend. im thinking about asking her:"i want you to do something to prove something to me.before i let you back in my home,if youve been honest and there is nothing incriminating in your phone, and you have nothing to hide, i want you to hand your phone to me without opening it first."if i find in her tmail any recent craigslist ads or emails to guys, i will simply tell her to drive home and i will go inside.if i find nothing, i will say i appreciate the gesture and apologize for not trusting her.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 October 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWhere there was smoke, there was a nuclear freaking reaction...
So, this weekend me and my girlfriend had a nice time. She didn't act suspicious, we went to a movie, to a park, made food, watched movies and cooked at home while the house was empty. Everything was perfect. Friday-Mon.
Somewhere in the time we were trying to logon to youtube to watch some videos but i didnt have an account, she told me to try to type in her account and blurted out a random password that didnt work. For some odd reason I kept that number in my head, though it didnt work.
This morning while i was leaving for work and she was getting ready to head home, I looked out the garage window and she was going through a handful of mapquest directions from her glovebox (where she previously said she said she has tons of directions to friends houses from before we were dating) and it seemed to be a bit more than usual. I walked outside and she looked at me quickly, threw one paper on the ground, one on her seat, and the rest in the passenger seat. I didnt ask.
After she left I went to work. I went and met up with some friends then came home for the evening. Out of my cat like curiosity i tried the password on her email... it worked... i looked at september 9th, and sure enough, 5 emails sent out to guys she was offering sex to for $300. she wrote that she didnt have a boyfriend in the emails. her trashbin is slightly littered and the responses to her emails must have been erased.
i noticed an email stating 'confirm shipment of your 3gig iphone'. the website was '[email address blocked]'. im speculative as to whether this is spam due to easy'track' being spelled wrong and due to the fact that she does get alot of junk mail. however, she didnt delete, nor put this message in the spam, nor ignore this message like the rest of the junk mail she has.
i instant messaged her and asked "what do you think of the iphone?"
she said "theyre cool, but expensive"
i asked "how expensive?"
she replied "about $300, but once you have a plan its like $130 a month".
in her emails, she asked for $300 in return for sexual favors. i never did see any reply messages from the users, but shes a very pretty girl and wrote messages to them stating her interest so i doubt they did not reply.
if she has a new phone that i dont know about, and continues to enact in this behavior then i am screwed.
if she doesnt have a phone, and this was just a one time thing, and she never really did anything, then i suppose shes off the hook?
i realized that september 12th we took a vacation to VA, and i remember being shifty about going, which may have prompted her behavior. but i did notice that september 11th, the day prior to going she was already in my town by the morning, and the craigslist ad guys which she sent messages out to on september 9th were in maryland. that leaves the night of the 10th a mystery.
i havent told her i saw the emails, she 100% denies doing anything of that nature, and i can understand why someone would deny that because it is soo incriminating.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 October 2008): Personally, where there's smoke, there's a fire :p And, man, trust in your own intuition, lol, since you seem to be a pretty reasonable guy. Except, here, you really needn't even trust in that, you have all the logically disjointed excuses you've already ran circles around it.
Good on you for forgiving her past (or maybe you're just an easy going guy), personally I don't have the heart to deal with this sort of thing (I would've just stayed away, to be honest). If you want to give her a clean slate (like you've already been doing, good on you, again) then go right ahead, but, man, I just wouldn't have the stomach for this kind of thing.
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A
female
reader, Carebear_23k +, writes (3 October 2008):
 I feel as if no matter what I do though, I am this big blog of garbage! I hate feeling this way. Maybe someday we will both feel better. I just want to feel like a person again! When will they day come already?
Thanks for the advice!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 October 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you for the replies : ]in response to your question: if i was in his position i would feel quite dis-positioned and he does have a right to be a little upset. rebounds dont make anyone feel good, it makes them feel inadequate and easily replaceable. however, as long as it wasnt you cheating on him, i believe it can be worked out if you gain his trust and try to be committed to a happy relationship. hes probably afraid that if it seems like things are getting worse again that you will do it again. just prove to him you wont, really prove. dont get snappy or defensive, it'll only make him disregard you. just replace any arguments about it with "that was then, im with you now, and thats all i want".
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 October 2008): ok it seems like she has been in contact with her exes dont read to much into it you are dating and if she denies tell her its you or your emailing boys
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A
female
reader, Carebear_23k +, writes (3 October 2008):
It sounds as if there may be some concern there. I would definitely do what you suggested. Everyone deserves at least a chance to prove themselves...I have a question for you though.
Almost a year ago, I had a break up with my now husband. I had a rebound after him for about a month. After deciding to be together again, I break it off with the other guy. I was scared that it wouldn't work out between us, and made a bad mistake and slept with the other guy. I just recently told my husband. He is very angry with me and extremely hurt.
Do you think it will work out between the two of us?
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