A
male
age
41-50,
*organkeaton
writes:I have a problem and would like other peoples views, A bit of background, we went to my wifes sisters 18th birthday party, at around 11.30 on saturday night the party finished, I said to my wife I wasn’t going into town and for her to go and enjoy herself. I went back to her sisters, my wife came to bed at 7o’clock the next morning, when I asked she said that she had got back at 4:30 and that she had stayed down stairs talking to her sister and 2 male frinds, when I got up there was her sister asleep on one sofa with a bloke and there was another asleep on the other sofa in his underwear (this is the one in question). When my wife got up on Sunday morning we left immediately without speaking to anyone.On the Tuesday I was leaving to go back to work at 5o’clock, I work offshore and would be away for 2 weeks, my wife said that before I left she wanted to go and check her emails at the libraury as our moniter wasn’t working, she got back at 5 to 5 gave me a kiss and I went to work.Checking the computer once I got to work I found this email.She said that nothing happened and the email was a mistake, the night of the party was the first time she had met this bloke.The email:He saidhey yu okayy?My wife saidAugust 26 at 4:34pmHiya!I'm really glad to hear from you x I have no computer screen at the mo, but should have a new one tomorrow or thurs, msn is a better way to get in touch with me (hjghjghjhg@hotmail.com), or you can text me on 000000000000 anytime after 5pm today xxx. I can't wait to have a chat with you x Sorry about sunday morning, I just couldn't look at you lay there with no top on without my eyes popping out! Hope to hear back from you soon xxx He saidAugust 26 at 4:39pmive jus added you onto msn :)... its finee :).. i might drop you a txt later... i had a good night sat.. did you?xmy wife saidAugust 26 at 4:46pmYeah, I had a great night x Shame we couldn't have gone downstairs but I still had a good time where we went - it was pretty nice when we got back to (her sisters) too! xxx On here isn't the best place to msg me, if you want to msg me - its best on my mob or straight to my email address. I've had to come to the library to use the computer but have to go now - but I'll definately give you a shout if you're on msn when I finally get back on the computer x but I hope you text me later xxxSpeak to you soon x Please help as I don’t know what to do or think.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 October 2008): I know this through experience - YES - she has crossed the line and is about to have a sexual affair pretty soon - if she hasn't already. I went through the same thing with my wife of 15yrs - found an intimate email of hers and confronted her - though she admitted to having an "emotional" affair only though i know better. Best you sit her down and show her the emails and ask her what it all means - you may not get the answer you want she may say its nothing at all. Go with your heart - she will not stop though she will do it again, trust me. Best to part ways. Good luck man.
A
female
reader, tsarina  +, writes (3 October 2008):
You poor guy. I agree, she has crossed the threshold, in the wrong direction! Take action and confront her - however I doubt you will hear the truth from her. People who cheat on their partners are deceitful to start with. It is obvious that she will see this guy again while you are away. If I were you I would start making plans to toss her sorry arse out and work on getting on with your life - this time with someone who agrees with your moral outlook on life.
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A
female
reader, happytochat  +, writes (3 October 2008):
Oh my god. I feel so sorry for you! I hate to say it, but she has def cheated on you and it seems like shes planning on continuing contact with this guy!
The fact that this guy was only in his underwear and those emails pretty much proves it.
I feel really bad for you, you dont deserve that, no one does.
But I am a bit confused about how you read her emails. Has she told you her password? Or is it memorised in the computer? Or did you somehow sneakily find out her password? The reason why im wondering about this is because it will effect how you bring up what you found.
If she knows you have access to her emails then you can come right out and tell her waht you found. But if you know her password without her 'permission' then she may try and change the topic to you being 'sneaky' rather then focusng on the real issue- her cheating. If she tries to do that when you confront her, dont let her change the topic. You checking her emails is nothing compared to what she did. And in a trusting relationship, she should have nothing to hide...but she clearly does.
So I guess you have to confront her about it all and see if she admits it. And then go from there. You'll have to decide if you want to stay in this relationship which will be a hard decision. Personally i dont think anyone should stay with someone who cheats on them. But I understand that its not that easy to do.
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A
female
reader, Honeygirl +, writes (3 October 2008):
 Sweetie, sounds like your wife is up to no good! Suggest that you talk to her regarding her relationship with this guy before things get out of hand... perhaps she is feeling lonely with you going off to work for 2 weeks at a time?? Honeygirl
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