A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So I'm just wondering about whether people have really gotten over their "first loves." I am 19 now and in university and am generally quite happy. However, I broke up with my boyfriend of 2 years, nearly a year ago and even though I have made some progress of moving on, I still feel attached and want to be together again.Ive been on a couple of dates and trying to move on but recenty heard he has a new girlfriend, and finding it hard to forget it. I know I need to move on and accept its not going to happen again and I am happy for them. But Im asking for tips/experience in getting over him. He was my first love and best friend and I lost both.Thankyou!
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female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (11 August 2010):
 In my opinion I dont actually think it matters if they are a "first love" or a fourteenth love, if you are still not over them then you are going to hurt for quite some time.
Let me tell you my story (in brief). My first love was when I was 15, we had a turbulent year long relationship and when it came to an end I was devastated. But now I am 23 I never ever think of him, yes I did really love him and lose my virginity to him but I guess I was a different person back then and I have now realised your first love is always a strange relationship that is not often representiative of real relationships. So I now never think of him, cant say I still "care" for him etc.
Whereas there was this one guy who was my third real relationship, we were only together 9 months but it took my about 5-6 years to get over him and I still can say that even aged 23 I still have lots of feelings for him and I find it hard to deal with the fact we will never be together again. I have come to terms with it but I have accepted I will never be fully over him.
So I think rather than your "first" love being the all important one, you only have a number of real, unforgettable "true loves". So dont resign yourself to the fact that no-one ever gets over their first love and you will love him forever, that is not the case.
All break-ups are hard, and can take years to get over (take me for example, nearly 6 years on!) but you will learn to deal with it in your own time. Time really is the best healer, and spending that time alone really is the best way to deal with it. I made the mistake of trying to replace my ex with other guys, who lovely as they were, were never quite enough to match up to the man I had lost. So I spent a lot of time alone, just being single, allowing myself to cry, get angry, generally mope about etc and it was so good for me! You just need to let it all out, and then eventually you should get to a point where you think "I have lost a man I really loved and I will never stop wanting him back, but he is now occupying just a tiny space in my heart and I am ready to move on with my life".
You will get to this point eventually, but just allow yourself all the time you need. Dont try and push yourself to be over him, just let time do its job and one day you will suddenly feel so much better. You will get there in the end I promise!
I hope this helps and good luck!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 August 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthankyou, this answer was what I needed :)
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A
female
reader, PLAYFUL  +, writes (11 August 2010):
 Well I don't think we ever get over ower first love we just move on with life but there alway have a part of ower heart that care...xox
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A
male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (11 August 2010):
 You'll probably never forget them, but you will get over your first love... eventually. Problem with first love is that many people make all these unrealistic plans for the future with them and then get crushed when they don't pan out.
Another big problem is that after first love fails, many compare future dates with their ex, (after all, that's generally the only real experience they've had), and that can be really self-sabotaging. You may even find yourself idolizing your ex and looking for someone who has almost exactly the same qualities as them and shooting down those who don't measure up.
You have to be willing to be open minded about who you date instead of constantly comparing them to your ex- otherwise you're going to get terribly disheartened and wind up screaming to your ex's apartment at three in the morning, (never a good thing).
It takes time to get over first love, but how long that time is really comes down to you and how you spend your time. If you sit around all day with a box of tissues staring at your ex's photo then obviously its going to take a long time. But if you get out there, have fun, meet new friends and stop putting pressure on yourself to meet your soul-mate on every date... (did I mention burning/storing away anything that reminds you of your ex from your house?)... then you'll be helping yourself out immeasurably.
Best of luck :)
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