A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:hey all, well my question is a bit weird. Im 27 years of age and single.In my lifetime, I have had relationships with 3 guys who I felt strong enough about to want to spend the rest of my life with. However, these relationships didnt work out. Ive also had relationships, around 7 or 8, with guys that I 'liked', but didnt love, and didnt feel I wanted to settle down with. Now Im at an age where my friends are settling down and getting married. Although I like the single life at the moment, I know that one day I should settle down. However, I dont feel that I will ever meet someone else who I will love and want to marry. So Im wondering if people always get married to those they are in love with, or do some people just get married cos they are at that stage in their life they feel they should do, even if they dont love the person? Im worried that this is what will happen to me, and I end up marrying someone I dont love. But then the other option is to stay single and hopefully wait to fall in love with someone again, and then that might not even work out. Im scared that time is running out for me! I dont want to be some singleton left on the shelf. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, muso888 +, writes (10 March 2011):
Personally, I think it would be a massive shame to 'settle' - you deserve so much more! Someone once said to me that 'the worst way to be lonely is when you sleep next to someone you don't love' - and I have to say I have found it to be true. And wouldn't it be a real shame to get married to mr 'you'll have to do' and then meet mr 'love of my life'?Goodluck, and I hope you don't 'settle' for anything :)
A
female
reader, TEM  +, writes (2 March 2011):
 Well, hopefully people marry for both reasons - they are in love and they think this person will make a good life partner. If you don't have both ingredients the marriage is likely to fail.
The "in love" stage doesn't last more than two years. After that passionate love turns to compassionate love. In order to feel compassionate love you must have similar values. You must want the same things out of life, have similar goals, etc.
There is compromise in a marriage, but there is only so much compromise each of us can live with. If you do not want the same things out of life, and you can not compromise, the marriage may not make it. If you marry anyway, and then bring children into the picture, it gets really messy.
So, the next time you fall in love, think hard before you marry. Have a discussion with the man about children, religion, work ethic, standard of living, etc. Ask yourself what you want out of life and ask him as well. Hopefully, your values will align.
It is a real good idea to get your issues settled before you get married. If you are getting married in some kind of organized religion, there may offer marriage preparation classes. These are wonderful, as they help the couple explore all the things I have mentioned.
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