A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:just out of curiousity, do lots of other ppl keep keep many secrets from their parents? i have been in a relationship with a guy for almost a year and a half now and we were very close friends before. i can't tell my parents anything about it because they have this belief that one should only date when you're 20ish and that dating is bad for studies etc etc. i'm now 18. i find it completely unfair too because i have an older brother and he was allowed to do whatever he wanted at my age without getting into any trouble. sometimes i feel like my life is so constricted that i just want to rebel against every rule they have enforced. but instead, i portray the daughter they want in front of them and to my friends and my boyfriend i feel like i'm myself. is this a common thing? most of my friends can't understand this as their parents are quite laidback and encourage lots of things my parents don't. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 September 2009): I can understand that it is very hard to tell them...and it is easy to keep secrets...but really...I think they should know who you are. Calmly explain things to them. Tell them about your boyfriend calmly and maturely. Don't hide anymore.
(i have experience with this)
A
female
reader, superbunny  +, writes (6 September 2009):
 I have never kept boyfriends from my parents because they've always been fine with me having them and I think they'd rather be open if there was a problem so I could go to them rather than feel I had to hide things and so they could help with my emotions. I mean, I don't know what your relationship with your mum is like, but when I split up with a boyfriend of two years a couple of years ago the first thing I wanted to do was just run and hug her and cry! I'm sure your parents - no matter what they said about the "rules" - would be more upset that you've kept this big secret from them. You've stood the test of time with this boy - you've been with him for a good length of time & assuming you're both safe if you're sexually active then they should be proud and happy for you that they've raised such a mature responsible daughter.
The secrets I DO keep from my parents, however, are the number of people I've slept with and how drunk I get - haha. It's basically the things that I myself am ashamed of so would not want to disappoint them - but what you are keeping from them is in no way shameful or disapponting.
Hope this helps - I think I rambled a bit!! : )
x
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A
female
reader, Sweety Pie +, writes (6 September 2009):
 Everyone has secrets from their parents, I mean im sure people would hate them to know what they get up too, but I think your situation is different, because a relationship that serious is a big thing, doesnt your boyfriend want to meet your parents?Your 18, an adult. If you want a boyfriend you can have one, so tell your parents and if they object, well theres nothing they can do. They'll accept it in time. Hope this helps xox
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A
female
reader, omega1234  +, writes (6 September 2009):
I have been in a situation pretty similar to yours. I've had my secrets too since my parents were pretty controlling as well as conservative when i was younger. But now, as i'm a bit older.. and of "dating" age, i find my parents to be more permissive with respect to my relations with boys.. be it for friendship or anything else. I guess girls can be quite naive at a young age and they are only trying to protect you from people who could hurt you physically and/or emotionally. Try to see things from that angle too. But i agree that you cannot always abide by what they try to impose.. each and everyone has his own personality/individuality.. and his right to live it fully. As long as you're being safe (including safe sex..if ever..) and wise.. you aren't letting anyone stepping on your toes, you aren't taking unnecessary risks that you cause any problems to you and to them.. like drunk driving, stds, dope, teen pregnancy... well you don't always have to let them know. At your age, i guess your primary priority should be your studies and don't let anything else distract you from that. Be safe
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A
female
reader, omega1234 +, writes (6 September 2009):
I have been in a situation pretty similar to yours. I've had my secrets too since my parents were pretty controlling as well as conservative when i was younger. But now, as i'm a bit older.. and of "dating" age, i find my parents to be more permissive with respect to my relations with boys.. be it for friendship or anything else. I guess girls can be quite naive at a young age and they are only trying to protect you from people who could hurt you physically and/or emotionally. Try to see things from that angle too. But i agree that you cannot always abide by what they try to impose.. each and everyone has his own personality/individuality.. and his right to live it fully. As long as you're being safe and wise.. you aren't letting anyone stepping on your toes,
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A
female
reader, MissesConfused +, writes (6 September 2009):
Yes. Plenty of us young folk keep secrets from our parents; however, you seem to have another case. You should be able to be yourself around your family, and not to keep those kinda of secrets, and you shouldn't be secretly resenting them. My advise? Be who you are.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (6 September 2009):
 I believe everyone has kept secrets from parents. However, what you're referring to here is a different thing: you're living a double life, which is way more than just "keeping secrets". You shouldn't have to hide that aspect of your life. It is wrong, not only in you, but also in them. I have to say that they created an unhealthy environment in which you find it advantageous to lie. Break away with all that and be yourself.
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