A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello. I know I'm a very nice person at a great heart, because towards everyone I treat them well, except those who are not worth being nice to or who pissed me off. I am smart, kind and being sensitive is my weakness.I have researched over the internet about the 'nice guys finish last' matter and it's kind of making me anxious. I'm just wondering if I would be this type of guy, because I don't want to be. I believe that how one should treat or love women is to give them the best time to make her happy. Is being a nice guy really that bad? Because if I was feeling strongly for someone I would give her anything reasonable except if it is strongly not to my liking, but even then I would still think about it if she really wanted it. I am a very nice person but I don't want to be the doormat or the 'nice guy' type. I would like to know what the traits is for this type so I can compare myself and assure that I am not this kind of guy. I believe that in a relationship there is also me in it and if I'm not happy then it wouldn't work. Right?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2013): My boyfriend is like the king of the nice guys. He has a whole posse of girls who adore him but treat him like a gay friend. However, it all worked out well for him (I like to think) because he found me and I love him to bits. Nice guys don't always finish last, just find someone who appreciates your niceness but doesn't take advantage of it. Good luck :)
A
female
reader, dcgirl15 +, writes (29 January 2013):
"Nice guys" aren't really all that nice in most cases. Don't try to be a "nice guy." Be a good person, like someone else said.See attached: http://www.buzzfeed.com/hnigatu/13-reasons-why-nice-guys-are-the-worstYou don't need to give a girl the whole world. Give her what you can, what's reasonable, and what the relationship/time demand. It's not your job to put the whole world at her feet unless she's doing that for you as well. Nice guys finish last is just a banner that a bunch of guys who think that they "deserve" sex for being a good friend (which, normally, they aren't, they're trying to force affection, proximity, and dependency). I've been creeped out by far to many guys who pretended to be my friend until they realized I wouldn't date them - as have most girls. And it ends up a huge waste of time for everyone. And to anonymous: "all they want is men with power and popularity." - untrue. Most of us want someone who will challenge us, entertain us, match us in intellect and humor. I want someone who will challenge me, not someone who is superficially popular/powerful. Stop stereotyping.
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A
female
reader, chinana  +, writes (28 January 2013):
 There is nothing wrong with being a caring, sweet and kind guy. However, i have realised the the nice guys have a tendency of seeing the girl they like and not making a move because they are too sensitive and scared of rejection hence they finish last. I personally have a weakness for nice guys but in most cases they are too shy and I have to go out of my way to get them to ask me out, in comparison the bad boys are very confident and make the first move with little hesitation and 'win' the girl.
So anyway the moral of my post is be a confident nice guy. Being a nice guy doesnt mean you are a doormat or that you will finish last it simply means you value the people who matter to you and if they are clever people they will value you too. Am just thinking out loud. Gudluck OP.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2013): This is difficult question for either sex to answer honestly.
Lots of men don't like admitting they cannot offer enough to attract good women. So they say the problem is women don't want good men. Lots of women don't like admitting they are attracted to bad men. So they say the problem is there are no good men.
There is also the problem of maturity. Both sexes are raised to believe that girls are more mature than guys. This discourages guys from taking responsibility for acting mature. It discourages girls from taking responsibility for choosing mature guys. It would be better for both sides if everyone was less convinced about this supposedly huge maturity gap.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2013): There is nothing wrong with being a nice guy! I have been in a relationship for two years with a 'nice guy' who is sweet, loving, caring, and tries to do everything he can to keep me happy and safe. Most girls love the idea of having someone like this but they go for the stereotypical 'bad boy' type because the nice guy can't or won't offer them that. My advice is don't change who you are, but spice things up so you can give girls the best of both worlds! The guy I'm with was never arrogant/refused to talk to me, but occasionally he was a bit cheeky and daring when we first got together. He still is now, but he'll still drive down to see me at 3am to make sure I'm safe, treats me like a princess, and is genuinely the kindest guy I have ever met. I consider myself lucky to be with him.So what I'm saying is, don't be a 'bad boy', because there's nothing wrong with being a nice guy at all! Just add a few things in here or there to make things more interesting and the girls will be yours! Best of luck!
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (28 January 2013):
 The "nice guys finish last" thing doesn't apply to guys who are actually nice. Let me explain. There are guys who are nice, they do not struggle with women. Even guys who are nice who are very physically unattractive generally do not have trouble attracting women. For instance one of my guy friends is very ugly by conventional standards, but is a total "chick-magnet" because he's the sweetest most caring guy I've met. He's genuinely nice, interested in making friends, and doesn't expect sex in return for kindness, he's just a nice person.Then there is the "nice guy." The one who befriends women and attempts to be nice to them hoping that sex will someday be put on the table in return for his kindness. These self-proclaimed "nice guys" are the ones who write those things, lamenting why they are oh so nice, but oh so single. The difference between the two situations is that one person is nice, while the other is manipulative. People don't like being manipulated and when someone is offering "niceness" in return for sex, women see right through it. There's also this very VERY ugly underlying bitterness and entitlement that is just the biggest turn off possible. They go hand in hand. They feel like because they have been friendly and "nice," they deserve sex and get angry when they don't get it. HUGE turnoff and impossible to hide.If you're genuinely nice, you won't have any issues whatsoever. If you are only being nice because you hope she one day wants to have sex with you, then that is manipulative and you will have issues.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2013): I am a 38 year old "nice guy". I have everything girls put on lists of what they want in their boyfriends, but I have still been single for years and years and years. Truth is women lie to themselves, all they want is men with power and popularity.
"Do nice guys finish last?" Yes, but at least people know I'll finish what I started.
Being a bad guy is over rated.
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