A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:dear cupid,in the past, my guy has hinted around about wanting to have a threesome (with him being the only male involved). coincidentally, this has actually happened three times...hahaa. he did it once last year and twice last month. each time, he sounds like he's joking, but then again, he never admits that he really is. and i keep hearing that having a threesome is something that just about every guy dreams about and would do in a heartbeat if they had the chance. is this true, and if so, do you think that he's being serious about wanting to have one?last time he mentioned it, i declared that if he got his wish and we did, indeed, have a threesome, then it was only fair that we switched it up and allowed me to have some funn with him and another guy. i was completely kidding when i said this; i have absolutely no interest whatsoever in having a threesome--either with two girls or with two guys. he responded by saying that that would make me a slut. i asked him why, and he responded by saying that a girl having a threesome with two guys is "different" from a guy having one with two girls. apparently, any girl who engages in a threesome with two guys is a slut, and any guy who engages in one with two girls is...well, just a guy. is this seriously how most people tend to view threesomes? if so, what is the reasoning behind this view?
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female
reader, blondie1961  +, writes (4 August 2012):
 My partner had a threesome with then wife and their neighbour. It's came between us, big time, in many different ways. I agree with the reply from doublejack. I would have respected my partner if he had declined the invitation to that threesome. I've asked him why he did not and he said that "no man would" but I have disagreed with him on that point as I fully believe that there are men out there who can say no. Well done doublejack.
Your age is 18-21, think about yourself, your future and how any decision that you make now will be yours for the rest of your life.
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (3 August 2012):
 And to add to Ciar's point, this guy isn't all that bothered with what YOU might like or not like. I'd dump him just based on his asinine thought processes.
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A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (3 August 2012):
 Gang bangs....they certainly can be depending upon the participants. If the woman has a strong enough ego and only engages with men she knows want to impress her then she is the star of the show.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 August 2012): FFM's are threesomes.
MMF's are gang-bangs.
Flynn 24
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 August 2012): Some people view threesomes and female sexuality in this utterly sexist way, yes. On both sides. Some men are threatened by female sexuality unless it involves him and him alone. Others think female sexuality is dependent on the male.
These people are idiots. And I'm sorry to say your boyfriend is one too.
I'm not going to go into why, despite the fantasy for both males and females and both variations on the act, threesomes are generally a very bad idea... but if he considers your sexual pleasure this far below his... is this really a relationship you wish to further?
There must be equality in any relationship, with neither party's needs and desires placed above the other.
Sure, this cannot always be a smooth process, be some form of equalibrium must be strived for.
Flynn 24
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (3 August 2012):
 This is how men still see women in our society. They feel that they can get away with anything while a women, once she steps out of the moral boundaries created by the man himself, becomes a slut!
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A
female
reader, Ciar +, writes (3 August 2012):
'Your guy'? Does this mean he isn't your boyfriend. That he's just someone new you're seeing?
He's expressed an interest in having threesomes. He's had three threesomes so far. So I'd say the odds were pretty good that he is quite serious about wanting more of them, wouldn't you?
Tisha is absolutely right about his reason for declaring women who sleep with two men simulataneously are sluts. It's not that those women are sluts or that others see them that way. It's that he wants you to feel like one for even considering having sex with another man besides him. Why? Besides he doesn't want to be one of two men competing for a woman's attention. He wants to be in the middle with two women competing for his. He wants what he wants without having to reciprocate. He wants you to be jealous but he won'txpose himself to it.
And by the way, you always make sure you get what you want first. Make him earn the favour instead of relying on him to return the favour (because he won't, not after he's already gotten what he wants).
On a more serious note, this guy clearly isn't worried about making a good impression and earning your trust and respect. Toss this one back into the sea.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (3 August 2012):
*eye-roll* "Sluttier?" We are discussing threesomes. If there are levels of "sluttiness," sorry to say, in reality, most people would think ANYONE doing threesomes, males included, are more sexually promiscuous, if that is what "sluttier" means.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 August 2012): The OP did not ask what was fair in theory. She asked what most people think in reality.
A threesome with two men is different from one with two women. The kinds of people who enjoy it, the general tone of the whole scene, etc. So people do think differently about it.
Men generally think women in two-man threesomes are sluttier. Just like we also tend to think that other MEN doing two-man threesomes are sluttier too.
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A
male
reader, kimostuff  +, writes (2 August 2012):
 I think your guy is serious about it , mentioning it couple of times makes it sounds as if he wants it to be done in reality not just in his imagination.Yes, most of guys has this imagination as a fantasy ... but I don't think that lots of them make it come true.In my point of view I think that threesome is something against nature ... nature is that sex is something special between couples , so how can we put another person into it either a man or a woman? ... I feel it is something weird and not proper in sexual relationships between a couple.You have to insist to refuse if u don't want to do it .. because no one on earth should make you do something you don't want ... and don't just do it to make him happy if it doesn't make you happy too.Good luck
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (2 August 2012):
A guy who wants to have threesomes is in no moral position to label anyone a with derogatory labels intended to demean and control people.
You know he's wrong, so don't let him get away with it.
I expect a lot of guys have fantasies about threesomes. I'd say that's probably a fairly standard mental thrill. Most of them realize that it would be a bad idea to bring it to reality as it tends to cause jealousy and other trust issues. The boundaries get blurred and then the relationship is never the same.
To answer your question, the reasoning behind the view he expresses is simply this: he wants to keep his penis happy while keeping his brain from being jealous. It's really rather ridiculous, when you think about it.
If you have no interest in threesomes, of any mix, I'd make sure he understands that in a very fundamental way.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 August 2012): Yes I think he is serious about wanting a threesome. Look, if you don't want to do it (which you don't) then stand firm and keep saying "no way". If he can't accept that, you need to think about breaking up with him. It's no fun having a guy trying to harass you into something like this - I speak from experience.
To be honest he sounds like a pig to be calling women 'sluts'. It's complete double standards. I don't think it helps to talk about male-woman-male threesome with him, even though I know you're only doing it to make a point.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (2 August 2012):
 The reasoning is that he wants his way and thinks that by being sexist he can make certain that only he gets what he wants. Have you pointed out to him that calling women sluts makes him a sexist? Especially when directly stating that men engaging in the same behavior is OK?
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A
male
reader, doublejack +, writes (2 August 2012):
No, that is not how most people view threesomes. Some guys view it that way, a group your guy belongs to. However, it is a clear case of a double standard. If a girl who sleeps with two guys is a slut, then a guy who sleeps with two girls is no better.That said, everyone is free to choose their own morality. While threesomes are a common fantasy, they are also generally taboo. Some people experiment with one, others do not. It is only a few among us who have them regularly.My own view is that I am not interested in threesomes, whether with two women or a man and a woman. I have had a couple opportunities to join in and both times I declined the invitation. I know that isn't for me.The final bit of advice I will leave you with is that threesomes are known to ruin relationships. This is obviously a fantasy for your guy, but what he doesn't know is that it is best left that way.Best of luck!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 August 2012): I haven't heard that one before. But to me it sounds as though he wants you all to himself, but he wants to have permission to play around. That's how I would take it anyway, and like you I have no interest in threesome's at all and I have no interest in sharing my man with anyone.
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