A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I started seeing this girl about two months ago. We met online. She lives about two hours away. The first moment we physically met, there was chemistry. It was immediate, and we got along incredibly well. Better than I even knew was possible. I asked her to be my girlfriend shortly after, within a couple of weeks. Everything stayed amazing up until now. All of a sudden I find her to get stressed easily and snap at me all the time, when she had never done that before. She seems to be calm and chill one minute, then high strung and going a million miles an hour the next. And I never know which girl I'm gonna get from one minute to the next. she also was a great listener when we first met, but now its like pulling teeth to get her to concentrate long enough and not change the subject fifty times for me to finish a thought. It's all really started to stress me out, and this isn't the person I was getting to know. She seems to have done a 180 in the last couple weeks. I tried to talk to her about it last night in bed. I held her hand and asked her gently why she had been snapping at me so much lately and acting so different. Was something going on? I mentioned a few examples of what I was talking about and mentioned how she had also been cutting me off and seemed uninterested in my thoughts lately. She started to cry and insist that I wanted to leave her and that I obviously didn't love her. But that wasn't at all what I was trying to say! I was trying to do the exact opposite and make us work. I was trying to communicate with her so we could get back on the same page and fix the problem. She went to bed upset and I couldn't seem to do anything to make her see that I wasn't attacking her and laying blame on her. I was just trying to understand what is happening here and why she's behaving so differently. anyway, just some basic advice on how to approach this would be nice. Apparently I just upset her more when I try to talk to her about how she's making me feel. Thanks in advance.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2012): Hi,
Her behaviour sounds like that of someone who has (big) mental health issues. Like previous posters said you need to get out of this relationship as soon as possible before someone gets hurt. She sounds like the manipulative type, not allowing you to say how you feel and making it all look like SHE is the victim (cf. crying about you leaving her). A healthy relationship has many features among which: communication, respect, and care. The fact that she has mood swings and treats you badly (distancing herself from you, ignoring you) over time will only end up with you wasting energy and feeling guilty when you have done nothing but voice your opinion on issues. Please be sensible before it's too late: leave her. Good luck!
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 August 2012): Hi,In all honestly, this could be a red flag. I would proceed with caution, but don't put her on the spot, by any means. My ex and I had the same problems. She was bi polar and hyper-sexual. I caught her cheating numerous times when she was manic, and she admitted to some of them. She'd act a lot like your girlfriend, by pulling away, or acting distant. Usually in those times, she was up to no good, but not always. However, I did find out that quite often she was thinking about other options in her life, such as "being free" or even dating others, which she ended up doing, and left me cold, days after talking about marriage, etc. That was after four years. If she is bipolar, BPD, or something similar, I would be very careful. Make sure she's being treated, takes her meds, and refrains from alcohol use!
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (2 August 2012):
 You have only known her 2 months, which isn't really all that long. Combine that with being somewhat long distance, and you're really looking at a bit longer time to get to know someone.
Maybe this is moving too fast for her and she's reacting by behaving like a child.
Maybe she has a mental health issue, such as bipolar or attention deficit disorder. I think narcissists create drama like this too.
At this point in time, rather than trying to talk about your feelings, maybe it would help to talk about HOW you two communicate and set up some ground rules. Wait until you both are calm and say something along the lines of, "I know we haven't been able to communicate as well as we'd like, so let's talk about TALKING. Maybe set up up some ground rules and discuss what our various styles look like?"
And back to the timing of the whole relationship. You've known her for 2 months. She's emotionally blackmailing you for not loving her? At 2 months? Really? Time for a reality check. That's WAY too fast to be sure you are in love with someone. And way way too soon to know her well enough to know if you two are truly compatible.
I'd slow things down, try to have a sensible talk about communication styles and spend some time researching those mental health issues I mentioned.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, Dear Mandy  +, writes (2 August 2012):
 HI
sounds like your new girlfriend has some serious issues to deal with before trying to settle in a new relationship. Be careful of this typr of girl, this will only bring you down. If she continues to behave this way with you I would cut your losses and move on. Split personality springs to mind! Or maybe she has been hurt so many times but still dont like being single, so is with you so she is not alone?
Mandy x
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