A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Do men really want the same as women? Like settling down have a family, kids etc! I just want that but finding it hard to find! Men I meet just seem to use you take advantage tell u that u are the best thing to happen to them, but they dont want the same things! Im loosing hope! Also where do u meet people its so hard im a nice girl slim and attractive but I dont seem to get anyone approach me whenever go! Ive met 3 blokes online dating and had relationships, as I mentioned above they make out there something that there not! So not doing that again! I just want to be loved I get so lonely and sad at wk ends. I have a daughter and when shes not here im so lonely and depressed its the worse feeling in the world!
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (2 October 2011):
 I think they do, but with the right woman at the right time.
I know mine is a wide generalization , and it may sound like an anti-feminist one, - I admit it's just a vague impression I have. It seems to me that a man wants to marry precisely Jane Smith from Somewhereville because he is in love with HER, and wants HER as a mother of his kids. While many women still want to get married, period, they are in love more with the idea of being married, having kids, raising a family, etc. than with any specific guy who really struck her fancy. Basically,as long as he is a decent guy of the marriable type ( steady job, no addictions etc. ) he'll be OK for the part, and the rest ( his personality,looks,tastes etc) it's secondary details that can be negotiable and worked on later.
Also, at least judging from Dear Cupid, women see marriage and children as a big accomplishment ( not that it isn't ) therefore they tend it to put it before any practical consideration. " As long as we are together , we don't need anything else ". Men aren't so crazy about two hearts and a hut, they want to be at some specific point of their career/ personal growth / income capacity before they tie the knot.
It's hard to find the right person to be with forever, true, ... ( and most of all on line !)- but perhaps, just perhaps, you are too eager of " settling down " and men may feel your unspecificity, sort of feel like you want them not for THEM but for the things you'll get though them: ( kids, status, ...).
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 October 2011): There is no such thing as "what men want" and "what women want". It is all just "what people want". Everyone is different. There are tons of guys in your position being messed around by women and vice versa. Its about finding somebody out there who wants the same things you want- of course they exist. There are billions of people in this world, you just havent found one that fits you right yet.
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A
female
reader, Aliana  +, writes (1 October 2011):
 I'm experiencing the same thing: I'm attractive, smart and sociable and I just cannot find Mr Right! I registered to an online paying dating site. I guess if a man pays he is not here just here for an affair (he can easily get this on a free dating site)
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A
male
reader, eek +, writes (1 October 2011):
 yes men certainly do (i do) i would love to find someone who shares interests and who would love me (not cheat on me) i was two weeks away from buying a ring :-(
i know its hard to find good people but i know they must be out there somewhere. Personally i have never had much luck with online dating women on there only want sex. I dont think you can meet a decent human being in a night club either. I met my ex (although that did not turn out well) at an event from work. I have also met good people from dancing classes i have started taking. Look around. See Whats in your area and get involved. Go out with everyone at work. You never know who you might meet.
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A
female
reader, Plexi +, writes (1 October 2011):
 It depends on how they are and how they are raised.........every man is different. Some are career men(best suited for career women or bimbos who want to use them for money), some are family men, some just want to wonder around the world partying on beaches(best suited for college girls or cougars who just want to have some fun and want nothing serious):) You need to find someone who comes from a similar background as yourself and give it time, you'll find your Mr. right! Online dating is not bad and it gives you the chance to screen before you even meet them. Only meet men who have similar upbringing and interests as you do....Ask them lots of questions and do lots of probing first..
All the best hun, wish you all the best
P
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A
female
reader, Basschick  +, writes (1 October 2011):
 Yes men do want the same thing you described...eventually. It just takes them longer to get there. Especially if you live in a college town where there's plenty of single gals to pick from. It may take a guy many more years before he's ready to commit to the whole family thing. If you want to meet a guy who wants the same things you do, then just do the things you love doing whether it's take art classes, learning a foreign language, or ballroom waltzing. You will find someone who loves those things too. He may even be a little bit older and more sure of himself. Men in their 20's have no clue about their futures. They're main goal is to get laid. You may need to set your sights on a guy in his mid-late 30's to find someone more stable. Good luck.
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A
male
reader, Odds  +, writes (1 October 2011):
 Depends on a few things.
First, a man's age and accomplishments in life. Basically, he isn't going to want kids until he's a bit older and has had a chance to establish himself. Attempting to make a name for himself in his career takes time and flexibility, both of which will be lacking once he has a kid; he needs to have had a chance to try, whether that attempt succeeds or fails. Your best bet is to seek out men in their early thirties for that.
Second, it depends on how the man perceives you. If a man is looking to have a family, he's not going to pick a woman at random, he's going to pick one who seems like she would make a good wife. It's not enough to *be* a good catch - you have to present yourself as one. Examine your appearance and behaviors and answer this question with as much brutal honesty as possible: do you come off as good hookup material, good girlfriend material, or good wife material? Use a man's standards, not your own, to answer that question - remember, this is about how he perceives you. For instance, being slim is good for all three, but having a daughter will tend to push you towards the "hookup" category, and farther away from the "wife" category, so you'll have to make up for that with other traits. If you can give some more information, I'd be happy to follow-up with more specific ratings and advice.
As for meeting people, basically everywhere works. Coffee shops, the line for the bank teller, grocery stores, bookstores... any place you go. The catch is that you have to be willing to get the guy's attention. The best way to do that would be to spot a guy you like and go start a conversation. Many women seem reluctant to do that (not that it's any easier for men, but meh), so if you don't want to, you'll have to learn to catch a man's eyes and then gives obvious hints that you would be open to his approach. Then it's a matter of going out with him, getting to know him, and finding out what he's like *before* sleeping with him.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 October 2011): Tell me about it!
My last relationship ended in the spring, we seemed to want all the same things. We planned to move in together, talked about marriage and kids, the works. She told me that no-one had ever made her feel like this before. I'd booked a romantic trip to Rome and was due to join her and her family for a summer holiday.
The next thing I know she's cheating on me with not one but two exes! When I look back at it now I realise she was just using me.
So yes, some men do want the same thing as women, but it sounds like neither of us have had much luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 October 2011): If you go places like a bar etc. You will not meet the best of the best when it comes to men. Keep an open mind and you will find him.
Not all men have the same goals, just as not all women has the same goals. I want to grow up and settle down with a girl (it looks like my current girlfriend as of now (; ) and have kids and a family. My best friend wants to be a partier and not get committed. All men are different just as all women are different. Don't look too much and he'll find you (:
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