A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm not ugly, i have been told i am pretty and i have a unique personality but my problem is there is always someone who is hotter!!!!I know men should really go for personalities but ,most of the ones in thier 20s go for pure hotness and i dont stand a chance, i think i could beat most of these girls in the personality stakes but its getting the men to take notice!!I am 21 have had one good relationship that lasted 2 and a half years (we broke up as we wanted different things)! Now i feel i cant compete with the other girls, do men ever go for a girl with personality over looks? Love the little one...
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male
reader, Freddypeace  +, writes (29 November 2012):
Hello im 20 and male. When you are around 20... Guys go by both looks and personality, it varies what they go by most depending on what they are after. I don't know the answer to your question but i do know that i myself (20 years old) Go by 90% personality in other words almost only personality. I don't know how common guys like me are but i can't be the only one. This world is big you know :)
A
female
reader, Han_18  +, writes (17 May 2009):
Hey, I found this post interesting as im in the middle of doing a communications degree at university at the moment, and one of the topics we study is "Attraction Theory"Attraction Theories attempt to explain processes taking place when people meet for the first time, and key things needed in order for attraction to occur.And unfortunatley, yes being attractive is one of the key features beleievd to be vital in order for attraction to take place. However this is just INTITIAL attraction (as in when you first glance over at someone)As you are pretty I am sure this helps in getting this headstart. But attraction theory goes on to explain how proximity, similarity and reciprocity also have an effect on attraction (and therefore shows attractiveness is not the only element required)Proximity means people you live near or work with are more likely to be attracted to you and this can be psychological and physical, for example feeling near to each other through devices such as facebook or actually living down the same street.Similarity is also a key issue in that people like others who have similar attitudes and interests as them, with studies finding people with dis-similar attitudes to each other being less attracted to each other. So when you meet someone, why not try find out what you have in common? Try to relate things theyre interested in or have a passion for to things you like and smoother conversation will entail as a result. Boys/men maybe initally attracted to looks (as the same with women - though we're less obvious about it lol) but they'l stil be looking for a good time and if your boring or dont have much of personality why would that keep that inital interest still burning? Finally reciprocity is one of the key points attraction theorists would say is vital in attraction.(and is one of my faves too)If another person believes u like them (doesnt have to mean fancy can just mean as friends) then they are more likely to reciprocate those feelings then if you were to not show any sign that you are enjoying their company.Think about non-verbal cues as well such as body language, i.e avoid crossing your arms (if your like me I always cross my arms just out of habit so they dont dangle about) as this can give out a wrong signal such as stay away. Yet at the same time avoid being too "touchy feely". If you smile alot, laugh at their jokes (and crack some of your own) your bound to find that attraction will be sparking all around you.People love to feel good about themselves and if you provide them with positive feelings and make them feel great about themselves they'l feel more warmer to you and see you in a different light. Obviously no one in this column (including me) can ever give you a 100% full proof answer as we're all individuals with different characteristics and behaviour patterns so no one (man or female) will really act or react completley the same to another person.Yet this theory has been supported by hundreds of studies all of which give very similar results. And afterall, it worked for me ;)xxxxxxxxxx
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 March 2008): It's human nature.
Women are just as shallow as men, the specifics are only different.
Try being a young male who is a non-bad-boy and also unlikely to be very rich & high-status.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 March 2008): Of course. But I mean personality and looks can be so interconnected. Oftentimes your personality is what can make you super attractive. I mean, I'll be honest, I'm pretty good looking (lol), but it's not at all enough! My true sexiness comes out in my personality. The way you act can have a huge influence on the way others perceive you. I mean have you ever met a guy who initially you weren't attracted to and then after you get to know him you find him extremely sexy?? I know its happened to me a bunch of times. So personality is VERY important. Since that's your best asset just keep working on it. Just avoid the pitfalls that many women do when they are dating. Don't act desperate. Be super confident (very important). And just be sexy and be comfortable with yourself. And complement your personality with your best physical assets. You gotta combine the two. Its a combination really. Oh and ps. there is ALWAYS going to be someone who is "hotter" (in the physical sense). That applies to EVERYBODY I don't care who you are. But that is where intelligence and all these other personality traits come in and they really count ALOT. She may be hotter but you may be more fabulous and intelligent and cooler and sophisticated and sexier and FUNNER. You see where I am going? That's why you should make yourself an overall person. That's the true measure of attractiveness which is WAY more important than just being hot and having nothing else. Oh and another thing, usually only meat-heads like hot girls with nothing else going for them. Be smart, be cool, be adventurous, be INDEPENDENT, have friends, just be a cool person. That is it.
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A
male
reader, ShouldKnowBetter +, writes (23 March 2008):
The question equally applies to women as it does to men.
Being pragmatic if you are talking the bar or club scene then there is going to have to be something that attracts a person over to you to break the ice, it can be good looks but it can also be acting slutty or just having a massive personality having a great time.
Outside of the scene that tends to lead to one night stands rather than relationships then attraction becomes a much wider than pure looks (thankfully for me) and personality comes into play but is the long play game
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 March 2008): yes many men in general go for the "hotties"i think it's really shallow i like a girl more for personality then looks (looks are just icing on the cake)so yes some men will go for a good personality over good looks if their like me that is.so i wouldnt lose hope of anythin youll find that special guy sometime
-michael
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A
female
reader, Dawnie +, writes (23 March 2008):
 I suppose a lot of men in their twenties do go for "Hotties" but there must be a fair few that would rate personality just as important. My brother is an example, he is now in his thirties and is only interested in looks sadly, unfortunately he seems to attract the nutters and is yet to find "Miss Right". If he would grow up and realise that there is more to life that a "Hot" girl on his arm maybe he would succeed in finding the right woman.
Like you said you have been told you are pretty and you have a good personality, get out there and meet new people, all you need is confidence, i don't think you have anything to worry about at all.
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A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (23 March 2008):
 Lets say that a man has a choice between two women, one a beauty but a mediocre personality, the other a wonderful girl but average personality. What will he choose?
Depends on what he is looking for right now. If he wants a long term relation, then the wonderful girl will most likely win, but if he wants sex... well that might still be the wonderful girl but not likely.
But things are rarely so simple, it is unlikely a man meets two women at the same time and gets with both to a point he has to choose.
You might as well ask, do women go for looks over personality? In fact, I am asking you. Do you go for looks over personality?
Men and women really ain't all that different in how they choose their mates. Read the post heres and you will soon learn that quite a few women go for looks and personality be damned.
Try fishing in different waters and accept that for you love is more like to be friends - lovers then lovers - friends.
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A
female
reader, Unique1  +, writes (23 March 2008):
Well...i am 22 and always hear about how hot,classy,sexy i look.... Most hot girls (not me :) ) are too stuck up and think the sun sits on their a$$.I heard that from so many guys and guys don't like that. As far as your question, yes guys can go for personality. It is true that looks are the first thing you notice when you meet somebody but personality is what keeps them around. So dont feel like you cant compare because if the only thing that makes somone talk to you is your look than you dont want that guy anyway. Maybe relax a little, wear something classy yet sexy (nothing too much) and if u have great personality-anyone who would come up to talk to you would see that as the convo goes on.
Don't worry about hotter girls... there will always be someone prettier, sexier or cuter... that is just the way it goes... and think about how even if you were this incredibly HOTTTTTTTT girl, there would be someone with perhaps different style or hair or something that makes them stand out- and some guys might think that she is prettier than you.... so my point is to not let that bother you and do what i suggested. Guys will come around.
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A
female
reader, Country Woman +, writes (23 March 2008):
 Hmmm that is a hard question, men in their 20's are normally not looking for personalities as you state as they are young very hormonally raging males so looks are what stands out for them right now.
You don't want to give yourself a reputation by displaying all you have and so perhaps you are looking at guys your own age which could well be something that just isn't going to happen, maybe look at someone who is slightly older than yourself, perhaps someone who is 25+, not knowing how old you are it is hard to say really.
Personality does win guys over and someone who knows you could easily testify to that. Perhaps chatting to people you know may help you gain confidence in yourself.
You were cocooned in a relationship for 2 and a half years and so you have been out of the dating game.
Do you go to a gym or something like that as you can sometimes talk to guys there when the music isn't banging in your ears or maybe go out in groups of guys and girls as I am sure that there are guys who like you just the way you are but perhaps have not made a move on you because you were in a relationship previously.
You can meet so many people online but they are not always what they seem so it is hard to judge but you can sometimes get to know someone in this way.
Perhaps talk to your other female friends to find out what they recommend.
Looks disintegrate in time but a good personality never does, don't degrade yourself though and turn yourself into a bimbo as the guys who normally go for them are just after one thing and what is the point of that.
Don't rush yourself though and gradually build up your confidence again. I think this is the biggest problem you are facing right now so just be content with your friends for a while and regain your inner strength and you will be surprised at how guys will flock if you exude self confidence. It is not always about how low your top is but how bubbly and attractive someone looks when they are out enjoying themselves.
Take care.
BFN
Country Woman
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 March 2008): I'm 15 and let me tell you honey that I know how you feel. It's no diffrent in highschool.I know how you feel. I'm not ugly . But there are so many other pretty girls it's hard to feel pretty when there are soooo many others. I have also been told I'm pretty but I don't always feel that way . My advice is to let guys see your personality . I'm lucky to have a boy who loves me for me ( and my looks too) One day you will meet the guy that isn't that wrapped up in looks and really cares about whats on the inside . If you have the personality you say you do it shouldn't be that hard . Beauty is only skin deep. Maybe you will be lucky and find a guy that realizes that and will love you for you
I hope I helped
good luck with finding MR.right
I wish you the very best !!! :)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 March 2008): I'm 15 and let me tell you honey that I know how you feel. It's no diffrent in highschool.I know how you feel. I'm not ugly . But there are so many other pretty girls it's hard to feel pretty when there are soooo many others. I have also been told I'm pretty but I don't always feel that way . My advice is to let guys see your personality . I'm lucky to have a boy who loves me for me ( and my looks too) One day you will meet the guy that isn't that wrapped up in looks and really cares about whats on the inside . If you have the personality you say you do it shouldn't be that hard . Beauty is only skin deep. Maybe you will be lucky and find a guy that realizes that and will love you for you
I hope I helped
good luck with finding MR.right
I wish you the very best !!! :)
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