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anonymous
writes: Do kids turn out good ,or bad ,based on their parents genes,or how they were raised?In my family , there is a strange situation, our kids got most things, what kids needs. Not perfect, but very stable, and loving environment. But the most horrendous family tragedy, you can imagine is the end result.Drugs, suicide, and prostitution,jail ,mental breakdowns, educational failures. Beyond belief. . I can never ever explain this to myself, or make any sense out of it. Not even my therapist can...I guess, it is hard to believe that, something like that happens, and I say I didn't do it. But , I honestly think, I didn't...I also see ,very troubled parents , with drugadiction , and numerous divorces and mean abuse and so on, and the kids thrive and shine. Nature or nurture? What do you think?
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reader, Odds  +, writes (13 April 2011):
 It's both nature and nurture. I'd say in roughly equal amounts, though there is a tremendous amount of dispute among psychologists - not least because it's pretty scary to think that an accident of birth could have such an effect on who we are.
The thing is, our brains are remarkably adaptable. Genes represent tendencies, mostly by tinkering with our hormone balance and brain development, but ultimately we can adapt to almost any environment. It would make no sense for us to evolve incapable of adapting.
For instance, certain genes will code for higher testosterone, and with it greater risk-taking behavior (aggressiveness, promiscuity, drug use) as well as a more outgoing and confident personality. But not every high-T individual is a promiscuous, violent drug addict. Some low-T people are.
Where genes do the most is in deciding how we react by default to stimuli. That's why there's no one-size-fits-all plan to raising kids. Some kids will be genetically inclined to respond to generous parents by getting spoiled and demanding, others by displaying more generosity of their own. Maybe in the future we'll be able to gene-test kids to determine the optimum way of raising them.
But whatever it is, what happens in your family does not make you a failure as a person. You do the best you can with what you have, and sometimes the dice just come up wrong. You need to focus on what's left, on doing your best for them - sometimes the best thing we can do, and the hardest, is just to sit back for a minute and really examine the situation, rather than doing anything that comes to mind in an effort to feel busy. Blaming genes won't help the kids, onyl working with what you have, and trusting in your ability to adapt, can help you. Best of luck.
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female
reader, Ima FreAk!  +, writes (13 April 2011):
 Hiyaaaaaaaa,
YESS! One of my favourite topic! Psychology! Studying it in at school (only 17 loooool).
Honestly it's a bit of both actually because it could be how you are raised (nurture) like how your parents taught you but it's not even that it could even be like influence on the media such as watching violence films or movies can encourage people to become violence. Or it could be set of friends like the group you hang around peer pressure kinda thing.
It could also dip into the genes because if you notice a pattern then it could be genes too, like for example if someone suffers from depression their child has the tendency to get depression but that doesn't mean they will be depressed they are just prone to it.
Or its could be the theory of personality as Freud stated which focuses on the personality such as why are we bad? It could just be that a person has more "id" (that is the wild, sex and anger desires) than others.
There is always nature and nurture in pretty much everything!
Hope my excitement about psychology helps!
Good luck!
Lots of love,
Ima FreAk!
x
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A
female
reader, TEM +, writes (13 April 2011):
 That's the million dollar questions, isn't it? I don't think there's a one size fits all answer here. My personal belief, in the case of troubled children, is that it isn't solely nature or nurture, but rather a combination of factors at work - a predisposition, some environmental factor, and quite frankly, bad luck.
The predisposition is genetic. I don't think it's a predisposition towards drug addiction per se, but rather a sensitive nature, which might be inherited. The environmental factor could be almost anything - not blaming parents here. It could the influence of friends . It could be a childhood trauma (molestation for instance), etc. The bad luck might be that they got the wrong teacher, was exposed to the wrong crowd, failed to receive acknowledgment for something they did well, etc., etc. When all three come together, you get the perfect wayward child storm.
The reverse is also true and makes us scratch out heads. We've seen brilliance spring from humble beginnings. These kids had the cards stacked against them and they still emerged talented and whole. Again, they probably inherited a more resilient nature which allowed them to overcome trauma/adversity, and I think they caught a break somewhere too - a teacher took interest, or something like that.
If you feel you did the best you could as a parent, you cannot beat yourself up over it. Don't give up either. You never know when something might happen that will cause the child to turn their life around. Hang in there.
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A
female
reader, lacrymosa_652 +, writes (13 April 2011):
 Well this is a huge debate, nature vs nurture. I don't know how much research has gone into this but I think our genes determine our personalities to an extent. But nurture has a big influence. For example, alcohol addiction can run in families. But if a person is brought up to abstain from alcohol, they may never suffer from an addiction to it.
Some people might be "born smart" and achieve greater academically, but that doesn't mean a person who wasn't "born smart" works hard and studies a lot can't gain the same grades.
If a child has "troubled parents" as you say, they may not be brought up as well as they could be, and may suffer for it. But some children may be able to overcome their upbringing and make life decisions on their own as they get older.
Nature or Nurture? A combination of the two, most likely. Add in a whole load of other extraneous variables, and you can safely conclude that you'll never come to a sound conclusion :) Don't beat yourself up trying to explain it, just be there for your family during troubled times.
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