A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Me and my boyfriend have been together for two years. We have a seven month old daughter. A few months before she was born, my boyfriend started talking a lot about religion, namely chrisianity. In the present day he now seems to be obsessed with it. He wasn't a religious person in the slightest when I met him. Even his sister has confided in me that she can't understand where it has come from. Although I know that a lot of his family are really christian and his grandmother talks about it way too much as well. I wouldn't mind if he was quiet about it but he brings it up in conversation all the time. We'll be watching the news and he'll say something along the lines of "They'll all see in the end, the answer was right in front of them all along-in the bible". Or he'll talk about original sin and the devil and hell and how the world is going to come to an nd when the next anti-christ is born. He seems to believe the exact word of the bible - when he tallks about it he sounds practically medieval in his beliefs. I hate people who preach their religion, I always have and find it really offensive, like you're being told that what you already believe in, isn't true and now my boyfriend does it to me all the time! He plays christian youth music and reads out quotes from the bible to me. If it wasn't for our daughter, I might have already left him because there have been occasions when he has really upset me with it. He keeps asking me to come to this evangelical church with him and he wants to take our baby and he wants to get her christened but I don't believe in raising my baby into any religion, that should be her choice when she can make the decision for herself. My biological parents broke up and it had a lot to do with the different religions and cultures they came from. Do interfaith relationships ever work out? How do I go about trying to make it work. I've tried asking him to keep his views to himself but he seems to incapable of keeping his mouth shut. Please help.
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male
reader, hindsight  +, writes (21 July 2010):
People who have stable, deep-rooted beliefs in a religion can definitely make an inter-faith religion work. This, however, does not sound like your boyfriend. At best, this is a fad, a new toy that he wants to play with 24/7, to the detriment of everything else. At worst, he's covering some deep psychological issues.
Personally, I do not identify myself with any one particular religion (look up Secular Humanism), but will hold nothing against someone that does. One thing I do notice among those that do, is that the people with the deepest values and dedication to their faiths are the ones that talk about it the least, at least without being prompted. Most of them, without even knowing it, have no need to say anything; their actions will say it all. A good, virtuous person is a good, virtuous person regardless of what name they call their Supreme Being.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for all your advice, it really helps to know that I'm not being unfair in not wanting him to subject me and my daughter to this. I really don't want to leave him though because I do care about him a great deal and I want my daughter to see that. We used to be so close but it feels like in the last few months we've really grown apart. Everything with us has happened so fast, there have been so many changes and in such a short period of time. I have begged him to try and be quiet about it, in front of me and our daughter and for the moment at least, he seems to be respecting that. It hasn't been that long and in the past when I've asked him the same he has always broken his word within a week. I don't think I can deal with him breaking it again as we seem to have a lot of other issues going on with us at the moment and it woukd be like the last straw. I want to try my hardest to make this work somehow. Thank you again for all your advice and I will keep you posted. xxx
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male
reader, ManAfterChrist +, writes (19 June 2010):
 I'm a born-again Christian, and also believe word-for-word what the Bible teaches. But at the same time, I've grown up with it and am comfortable enough to only bring it up when necessary. Multiple times, I've seen newly born-again friends who just can't contain their excitement. They found this Truth, and want to preach it to the world! Sometimes that energy is loving and completely healthy, but other times it may push loved ones away.
It looks like he wants to bring you into it, but doesn't know how to talk to you directly and lovingly. So he throws out one liners and pretends to have all this knowledge so you'll inquire about it.
Inter-faith relationships are VERY hard to make work if he truly is living for Christ. Because if he strives for Him with everything he does, soon you will both be on two completely different pages. You won't be able to help him build his faith, and he won't be able to empathize with where you are in your feelings.
If I were you, I'd talk to him about it. Figure out exactly what has changed in him, and why he is acting this way. Listen to him. And if in the end you just think he's a nutcase, then suggest spending time apart when possible but still staying close for your daughter.
Hope that helps. Let us know what happens!
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male
reader, C. Grant  +, writes (19 June 2010):
 Interfaith relationships can work out. It depends on the nature of their faith, though. For people who have grown up in their faith are usually comfortable with it, like an old sweater, and only bring it up with it's appropriate.
People who have newly "seen the light" can't contain themselves. New converts are zealous and enthusiastic to the point of being carried away. On top of that, evangelicals don't tend to be the most subdued sort of Christian.
Unless West1000 is on to something, I really only see two choices. You can wait for the first flush of enthusiasm to die down so that he can actually hear you again, and so that maybe he can keep the "good news" to himself or at least save it for church. Or you can leave.
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male
reader, MrIncredible +, writes (19 June 2010):
 Oh Babe, dont worry about it. If i'd be you, I'd take his words as a joke and laugh at them. I think people are a little over reacting about religion. Just Laugh about it, if it annoys you. Dont turn this to an argument though. Hope this helps
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 June 2010): Dear Friend,
It's not about religion but all about the person. If he really cared for your feelings, then he wouldn't have gone preaching his religious beliefs in front of you. It may be so that this trait was hidden in him that is taking shape now slowly. Although he might have pretended to be tolerant about inter-religion relationship, he had been a hard core Christian from underneath. However, my suggestion is that tell him that you don't want your baby to get Christened now, instead you want to leave that to her once she's mature enough to decide.
But since I'm in a inter-faith relationship myself,I know all these are very complicated and sensitive.
Wish you good luck!
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female
reader, Accountable +, writes (19 June 2010):
 My mother is christian and my father is atheist and theyre happy together, but I think it works for them because neither of them go around preaching their beliefs, and they both respect each others right to their beliefs. Basically, it isnt an issue because neither of them turn it into one. If I were you I wouldnt let him get your daughter christened, I am extremely grateful that neither of my parents put pressure on me to adopt their belief systems, and left the choice to me. As for the way your boyfriend is acting, honestly, I don't think I could put up with it - if he is really as persistent as your post makes out, and has no respect for your religious choices, I wouldn't stick around. As far as I'm concerned, if someone is being that pushy about it, theyre not respecting your decisions and autonomy. If you have discussed the issue with him openly, and he knows he is hurting you but won't change, I'm not really sure what else you can do.
It is tough because your daughter is involved, but I have a lot of friends whos parents have split up, and they still have a healthy relationship with both parents - I think its all about the way the split up is done, and how the parents act towards each other after the break. I think its better to be raised by two separated parents who are happy, than 2 parents who have stayed together due to a feeling of obligation, and are obviously miserable.
Good luck, I hope you resolve this issue one way or the other!
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