Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (28 November 2017):
 I really don't understand as a mother how you could hide this from him, I would be devastated if I was your son.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 November 2017): Why?
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female
reader, Lucy72  +, writes (25 November 2017):
Lucy72 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI.havent told him yet
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female
reader, aunt honesty +, writes (1 November 2017):
I honestly am shocked you could keep this from your son for four years. My guess is when he finds out not only is he going to be heartbroken but he is going to feel betrayed by his own mother. The poor man deserves to know the truth, and as your son you should want to tell him the truth. Please tell him the truth and stop allowing some women to treat him like that.
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 October 2017): Wow. Just wow. HOW could you let this happen to your son for 4 years without saying anything?It is your duty as a mother to protect him and love him unconditionally. WHY did you let his unfaithful wife have more priority than your son himself?The fact that you ended up with "just say nothing and let him figure it out soon enough"....WHAT....soon enough after what, another 4 years?!? Another 4 years and children/more children who will be crushed? More years of having your son get even more attached and a worse divorce?I am really struggling to understand how you could think this was okay to keep it from him for so long. I second the other poster's comment that I hope he is the forgiving type because I can't imagine the pain he will face finding out he has been betrayed by his wife AND his mom...both for years. Just wow.
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female
reader, femmenoir  +, writes (30 October 2017):
 I find it very hard to wrap my head around the mere fact, that you've kept this terrible secret from your son for 4 long years.
Your son's wife had the gaul and temerity to ask you, to cover up for her cheap and vile behaviour in her marriage to your son!
The fact that you went along with it and said nothing shocks me, because you should always place your son as number one.
Your sons best interest should have come before his wife's cheap behaviour.
I pray and hope that your son's a forgiving individual, because i feel he'll be even more upset with you, than his wife.
Why?
Because he's supposed to be able to trust you and he believes he knows you well.
Obviously he doesn't.
You should tell him asap and apologise for keeping this secret to yourself for so long.
Let him know why you felt the need to do so and let him know that you do love and respect him despite your behaviour.
You were an accomplice to your son's wife, so this makes you almost as guilty as her.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 October 2017): If your mum had known this about your husband when you were the same age as your son is now, and this had been going on for as long with her not telling you for 4 years. And that she wasn't even sure whether to tell you then, hoping that it might just 'work itself out'.How (devastated) would you feel that she'd let you remain ignorant to this? Let you waste 4 years of your life when you might still have had the chance to find a real partner and still have had time to start a family with them...?Tell him!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 October 2017): you have known for four years and said nothing? Four years ago wpuld have been perfect but I'll say this. Dont wait dont think about tell your son now. If he finds out and if you werent the one to tell there will be more issues. Dont be weak. it is your son
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 October 2017): You should have told him a long time ago he’s going to feel like a right fool when he finds out and that you knew.... you better hope he can forgive you If if it was me I’d feel that it’s a double betrayal
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (29 October 2017):
 If I were in your shoes I'd tell my child. I'd say I didn't WANT to interfere in your marriage but I feel I can no longer be an "accomplished" to this. You don't DESERVE being treated like this by someone who claims to love you - (his wife) and myself.
This is what I know, son - DO with it as you please.
It hasn't in 4 YEARS!! worked itself out. It's not likely to do so. She will keep banging other men and using your son as her meal ticket and "domestic bliss" facade.
In a lot of cases, I don't advocate sharing the information. Usually, because in a lot of the stories seen here on DC it's the side-chick or side-guy who is asking if THEY should tell their lover's partner about it.. So there IS a vested interest.
The only interest I can see YOU have in telling him is so that HE can make an informed choice to go or stay and work it out. You had hoped not getting involved would solve it. It didn't.
While this is not like knowing about a crime and keeping silent - it's a moral dilemma. If the crap hits the fan and he finds out, you KNEW and kept silent - how much of a relationship do you think you will continue to have with him? Yes, he might not want to hear it or like the news and he MIGHT be mad at you for telling him or waiting 4 years to do so... still what is the RIGHT thing to do?
Ask him a hypothetical question. If he knew someone was cheating on their partner, would he TELL the one being cheated on or would he butt out?
If he says, I would tell. Then ask, if I told you your WIFE was cheating, what then? Would you want to know?
If he says yes, FORWARD ALL the e-mail info you have. And explain why you sat on it for 4 years. I do understand (up to a point) why you didn't tell him. You were hoping to talk to the SIL it would stop and get sorted. And you were hoping to NOT cause your son hurt. Not telling him doesn't mean he isn't getting hurt. He just doesn't know.
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female
reader, mystiquek +, writes (29 October 2017):
 It would tear my heart out but I would have told my son the moment I found out. He deserves to know. WHY did you wait 4 years to tell him? Imagine the hurt he is going to feel and then you are afraid he's going to find out that you knew and didn't say anything???? Double his pain.
You owe your DIL nothing. I hope for your sake that your son is forgiving if he discovers you have known for 4 years. Come on mom!
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male
reader, Billy Bathgate +, writes (29 October 2017):
You have known for four years that your daughter in law has been betraying your son for the entire length of their marriage and you’ve said nothing. You must not think much of your son. I feel for him the two most important women in his life have been stabbing him in the back for a decade. How terribly sad for him.
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female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (29 October 2017):
 I would tell the girl you are not prepared to keep her secret any longer. Tell her SHE must tell your son, otherwise YOU will.
Imagine how your son will feel when he finds out about the cheating. Not only has he been betrayed by his girlfriend and his best mate, but also his MUM. You can't do anything about the other two parties, but you sure as hell can refuse to keep the secret any longer.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 October 2017): Your first loyalty is to your son. Your own flesh and blood.Yes, you need to tell him and he needs to know.Then let the chips fall where they may and let them deal with it.There is no worse form of deceit. His wife has already done it. Don't deceive your own son too by pretending everything is okay when you know it isn't. Saying nothing is just as bad as a lie. It's what's known as a lie of omission.You are allowing your daughter-in-law to hurt your son over and over again every time she bangs this guy or another guy. Frankly I am shocked by your behaviour.Trust me, when he finds out - and he will - he will never forgive you for keeping her dalliances a secret from him (or will you lie again) and taking her side over her own son's.
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female
reader, MissKin +, writes (29 October 2017):
 He is your son! Why haven't you told him? I would tell him immediately. Show him the evidence. Tell him at an appropriate time but I think you've waited long enough..how could you let this carry on? Oh dear.
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female
reader, Brokenv  +, writes (29 October 2017):
As a mom I would want to protect my child too. I believe that all partners know when they are being cheated on. I believe your son knows.
But it would change for me if I knew they were trying to have a baby together. That's when a third vulnerable child doesn't deserve that situation.
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