A
female
age
41-50,
*liz
writes:I have a date this weekend with a great guy (an acquaintance, not a friend), but I realize that I may not be quite ready to date anyone after ending a very serious relationship that lasted 5 years (my ex and I were both civilized about it, but there is no easy way to end something like this, and it has been hard on me). Since I am having second thoughts about dating (not about the guy) should I:a) call him and cancel, explaining that I am not sure I am ready;b) let him know during the date that I just ended something serious, and am not sure that I am ready to date just yet; or c) should I stop worrying and see how I feel after the date like a civilized human being? Basically, even if I realize that I am not interested in dating at present, I would still like to be on good terms with him (who knows, maybe in the near future things could work out?).p.s. Ideally, I would like it if I went anyway, and we just hung out together and had a good time with no pressure … is there any way that this is possible? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Bliz +, writes (27 July 2008):
Bliz is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi everyone,
Thank you so much for your advice.
As it turns out, I went on the date, but told him it was a getting to know him type deal. We both had a lot to talk/laugh about, so we are keeping in touch as friends for the time being.
Best,
~Bliz
A
male
reader, DV1  +, writes (24 July 2008):
 Tell him that you're still getting over your last relationship. I might still suggest going on the date, because you never know if he could be that person that might turn your whole world around. The last relationship might have been God's way of leading you to this person. I would say give it a shot, even if it's with some of both of your friends. Have a good time.
DV1
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 July 2008): I think you should tell him the honest truth that you are not ready. And then just keep in touch with him for the future. I say this because this really hits close to home and recently I met somebody who lied to me about a past relationship and how ready he was to date. I ended up devoloping real feelings for him, and then he dumped me and I came to find out later that he lied to me about everything. He lied about how long ago he and this girl had broken up. He lied about the reasons for the break up. He lied about being "over" her. And honestly, things that if he had just been honest about, I could have made a better judgment as to getting involved with him or not. So it does matter and it does make a difference and I think you should be honest.
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A
female
reader, PsyCookie +, writes (23 July 2008):
 I agree with you. I think you should hang out together, have a good time, and have no pressure. You could do this by being honest with him. Tell him that you're still trying to get over your previous relationship, but that you would like to know him more since he's only an acquaintance. If he's civilized and a gentleman, he will understand and accept it. If he becomes an asshole about it, then it was good you set boundaries before anything happened.
Good luck and I hope you have fun when you're out with him!
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