A
female
age
36-40,
*opa
writes:what is this?I have an X?He become my X 3 years ago, after we having irreconcilable differences.He was cheating on me, drinking and partying hard.we loved each other so muchSo i let him go, even when i still love himi cried my self to sleep almost everyday of my lifei tried moving on, but i failed. everyone that came around, i could not love.so i dated and dumped so many guys.i was drained and i decided to give relationships a breaktruth be told i know if i dont marry my X i will never get married.i know he still loves me...because he says so to his and my friends.we didnt talk at all for the last 3years.last night i met him at a club...and he came around and told me how much he still loves me,,,how his willing to change , not entirely but for the good of usi still love him,but am terrified to start anything with him.so do i go ahead an start with him again? ior i stay single forever..having relationships that i know wont last...
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (7 March 2011):
 Reality check : YOU loved him so much. He must have loved you somewhat less, since he cheated on you, which is surely not a strong demonstration of love.
You also say you broke up because of irreconciliable differences. So, how do you know these differences can instead be reconciled now ? has he changed a lot ?...
No, but he is " willing " to change . In part.
First, are you sure that just a partial change would be enough to make this relationship work. Second, if he is serious about you, then he can change first ( no more drinking, no more partying ) THEN get back with you. Is he willing to do that ? No ? Then, it's just words.
He says ,to you and your friends, but talking is cheap and easy, all you 've got to do to say words is owning a mouth and some vocal chords. never go by what soembody " says "... particularly if they have repeatedly shown themselves unreliable before.
So, all in all, no, I don't think getting back with him would be a great idea- unless you have evidence of his actual change.
As for the "never getting married " part, tbh honest , personally, between never getting married and marryng a cheater/drunkard/party boy, I personally would prefer the first option. But I understand you don't see it this way now. Because you are stuck on this guy,- so obviously nobody will compare to him if you are stuck on this guy . And you are stuck on this guy because you, basically, want to be stuck on this guy and choose to focus on the half full glass ( the good times , fuzzy feelings of being in love ) rather than the more important half empty one ( being a cheater , drinker etc. and basically being cause of turmoil and tears in your life rather than bringing joy ).
I don't think anything will change until you will be able to give more value and respect to your own life, and decide you deserve the best, not just the half-assed partial changes of someone who was already incompatible with you.
A
female
reader, lovexlikewinter7 +, writes (7 March 2011):
You can give it a shot if you truly want to. Sometimes relationships with exes go far.
But if you do so, remember to take it day by day. Remember he is an ex for a reason and he did cheat on you.
I'm sure most people would say find someone new, but really what's important in life is that you trust your instincts and your heart, and if you need to, don't be afraid to acknowledge it if it doesn't work out and move on.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 March 2011): i was in a similar situation where my ex cheated on my with one of my close friends. it was obviously very painful, so i'm sorry you had to deal with similar problems with your ex with his cheating and hard partying. i would say be careful...you don't want to give him your heart again only for him to hurt you again. trust your feelings and your instincts. do you think he will hurt you again? sometimes people are worth the second chance, other times they are not. i gave my ex another chance and we took it really slowly, starting just as friends first and he showed me that he changed. i can only hope that if you do decide to give your ex a second chance that it works out well. wish you all the best love
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