A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:So, I met a guy a few months ago who I thought had this great mix of everything I was looking for. We had serious physical chemistry.He came on strong, and well, just as strong as he came on, he was quick to dump me. We went back and forth talking/not talking, for the past couple of months. He would apologize for being mean (he would never say "Hey, it just isn't working out between us", he would just curse me out randomly and tell him to leave me alone. With very little to no provocation), but, it was always very slow and not always sincere. It was like I was kind of asking him for an apology.So, I recently found out that when he had cursed me out in a text message (that really hurt, as he had never used that particular word before), he had actually had a friend be the one to text me. So yeah, I was very, very embarrassed and hurt that he had a friend get involved in the whole being mean aspect. I mean, this guy is in his 40s, and that kind of stuff is so high school.I feel silly because I did care about him, and while I don't hate him, I am so very hurt by how he has treated me. I just don't know why he chooses to me this mean to me, AND, I feel like a wuss for wondering why he is mean to me in the first place. I feel like I was nicer to him than most women he has dated, and rather than be nice back, it seems like he really enjoys putting me down and just being very, very cruel. I just don't understand.I told him that I was hurt that he involved his friend, and that we cannot be friends since he does not respect me (he actually thought I would let him spend time with me after he told me who had been the one to send me the curse-word text). I was hoping, deep down, that the gentleman I first saw in him when we met would actually apologize. But, he did not.Am I just stupid for expecting him to be honest about why he changed so much since we first met?And for the record, he was the one who said he was no longer interested in a relationship, AND, he commented on how he has hooked up with other women. I have only offered friendship, and nothing romantic.
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female
reader, angelDlite  +, writes (7 March 2011):
 hi
his behaviour sounds seriously juvenile! the fact that he is in his 40's and still behaving like this shows that he is not gonna change. his personality is well established now at 40 something. this is him. this is the deal!
people very often change for the worse if they are not genuinely nice to begin with and just putting on an act to get what they want from you.
please try to put this experience behind you. he is not worth your thoughts and musings as to WHY he has done what he did. leave him to his sh!tty lifestyle and sh!tty friends, you are better than this.
get on with your life, see your friends and family, plan nice things to do, look after yourself physically and this will look after you emotionally.
some people you will never understand because fortunately for you, you don't share the same mind-set!
xx
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