A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my husband for four and a half years and married for 21months, since we got married things have gradualy got worse. He has aquired a seriouse drink problem in recent months (we have two children aged 10 and 2) and does nothing with the kids or arround the house all he wants to do is come in from work and have a drink (or ten)! After another week of arguing he eventualy moved out to my friends house whilst her and her family are away. I know deep in my heart that I do love him, but Icant see us having any kind of future together whilst he is still drinking. He spends forever convincing hiself that tonight is the last night hes having a drink,until the following evening that is, I dont know what to do as our friends arrive back on friday and I have the hardest decision of my life to make now whether to make ago (accept the way things are and probibly always will be) or go it alone just me and the kids. I am in the middle of doing a degree and realy could do without the hassle.What do you think I should do, any advise would be great as I'm running out of time.
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female
reader, penta  +, writes (24 April 2007):
 I just noticed that the Al-Anon site I sent you to was for the US. Here's one for the UK:
http://www.aa-uk.org.uk/lists/Alanon.htm
A
female
reader, penta +, writes (24 April 2007):
Your husband is an alcoholic; you can't fix him. And you need to take steps to protect yourself, your kids, and your finances from him. His drinking is not your fault and it's not your responsibility.
Please find a local Al-Anon meeting (http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/english.html); Al-Anon offers understanding help, support to families and friends of problem drinkers. My mom is an alcoholic and these meetings helped me A LOT!
Once your husband hits bottom he will have to figure out how to stop on his own (it's the only way he will stop) -- but if you keep him from hitting bottom he will keep drinking. (Why should he bother stopping?) So do not support him. Do not take him back. Do not "fix" anything in his life; don't shelter him from the consequences of his drinking.
In the best case scenario, you will have protected everyone and everything from him so that if/when he comes to his senses things are okay. If he never gets there, you and your kids are much better off without him. But in the meantime, stay away from him.
Good luck hon'. I know this is going to be hard.
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A
male
reader, AdamPayseno +, writes (24 April 2007):
 First of all, Your not running out of time.
Never rush your feelings.
if the worst came to show, He would have to stay at a friends of reletives place while you got your head sorted out. You can't rush a decision that will change your life.
You love him.. But you didn't say how he is towards you? Some guys love marrying someone who nicely acts as a mother.
You need to get him in line, And tell him that it's you or the drink. Even if you don't mean it.. It should be a wake-up call to him..
Good luck.
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