A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:She says she wants to do porn..my fiance is a very beautiful woman however due to her past (abusive mother and a father who was never there) she has almost no self esteem and because of that was often taken advantage of by men when she sought love from other places as she didnt get it from her parents. because of this sex often just became a chore to her somthing to please men and not get much pleasure from herself and sex doesnt mean that much to her. anyways she had always joked about doing porn for the money and recently she was approached by a man from a adult company who has offered her $3000 dollars to shoot a adult film over the course of a day. she currently earns around 3000 a month so to earn it in a day is a huge amount of cash for her, however she is saying that if she does this movie she will move into porn for a full year or two for the money so we can buy a nice place. on one side the thought of her being a porn star is a huge turn on but on the other side i hate the idea. i havnt given her an answer yet.should i support her in whatever she wants to do even if it is porn or should i put my foot down and say no i dont want you to do this? also pros and cons of doing porn??thanks guys appreciate all your answers
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male
reader, Natures relic  +, writes (8 September 2011):
Think of the psychology here first. There is a large possibility that due to her past she subconsciously and irrationally wants to be abused and degraded as she has been programmed to expect such and may feel that's what she deserves and to be treat that way makes everything 'normal'. Going into porn is a bad idea for most but I feel would be a particularly bad idea for her. That said, again considering the esteem issues, you might want to consider taking erotic photo's of her, enjoy them between yourselves and introduce the fantasy of them being on the net to impress upon her how beautiful and desireable she is and how she should be admired and respected as opposed to used and abused. Depending on your joint interests, desires and the relationship you both have, if money is an issue, you might consider selling such pics or starting one of those web sites which means she still gets into porn and enjoys the exhibitionism but in a safe way which you both control. Even then I would advocate a LOT of deep communication between you both before even considering such a venture.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2011): My fiancee used to do porn. And take it from me...It SUCKS!!! It is hard to look past. I have to remind myself all the time that it was in her past. The hardest part of it all is that for some reason it always showes its self. So my answer to you is in NO WAY let her do it!
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (28 August 2011):
 Well you could try to tell her that the average woman in porn only stays in the industry for three months due to the physical and mental toll, so her expectation of a year or two is not realistic. While there she'll be expected to perform anal during most of her scenes, take cum shots to the face, and as her career progresses she will most likely have to take on more extreme acts to keep her face out there. Especially if she plans to be in it for awhile, unless she becomes a superstar overnight she WILL have to do more extreme acts to stay. She might be expected to gag and vomit during oral sex, she might have to take multiple men at once (with the popularity of double and sometimes even triple penetrations), and she will be exposed to hundreds of mens' and womens' bodily fluids (there are no condoms). There are also things like ATM that would in essence make her eat fecal matter.Porn directors/producers have been known to manipulate, blackmail, and threaten performances out of their actors. For instance I've heard the story several times from ex-performers where a woman signed up for one act, was told on set last minute she would be doing something else she hadn't agreed to and that if she backed out she'd be sued.Don't forget as well that after she's done this she may have extreme difficulty finding another job. Either someone she works with could see it and that would cause problems or she will have paranoia about that happening and have trouble making herself get another job (this is not terribly uncommon among ex porn performers).To really visualize it have her watch the film Hardcore, a BBC documentary about this stuff.
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A
male
reader, IHateWomanBeaters +, writes (28 August 2011):
 Definitely do not enable her to get into porn. Tell her, "Money is not the most important thing in the world to me and isn't to you. You are the most important thing in the world to me and I will love you the same no matter how much or how little money we have." Something like that. And, one guy brought up a good point, about how she might want it rough and disrespectful. That is definitely all taken in context. In porn, lots of people are disrespectful, as opposed to consensually rough. there are lots of people that dislike regular lovey dovey sex, and prefer it hard, because they get more orgasms that way. Fuck her like a pornstar, tell her you love her, and that you two can work together to come up with ways to become wealthier over time. You guys are in your early twenties. Moving for an entire year is not worth the 50 grand extra she would make, assuming she does not get raped, which will happen.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 August 2011): why doesn't she do glamour modelling for a start and see how it goes b4 going to the deep end.
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A
male
reader, Thelaird1  +, writes (28 August 2011):
 Could you be in a relationship with a porn star? I know I couldn't.
Money is a huge attraction for porn, but I think she would be making a huge mistake and one she will struggle to live with. She seems to already have emotional issues and self loathing, so entering the industry will make things much worse for her.
I get the feeling she suffers with depression too, so porn will eventually end up making her life very difficult.
Sit down with her and explain that you understand how she feels, and that you feel porn is not the answer and would eventually destroy your relationship.
Best of luck to you both
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 August 2011): Porn is a bad idea. Think about diseases. There have been porn stars who have caught AIDS even when they are being monitored by their managers in the industry with frequent HIV/Aids Screenings every 6 months. If she doesn't have self esteem she needs to work on that with therapy and surround herself with people who help to edify her and make her feel good about who she is as a person, not with people who don't care about destroying the little integrity she might have left. You are talking like you don't respect her or respect yourself. "Sex doesn't mean that much to her" You say it like it doesn't mean much to you either and like you are trying to convince us that her going into porn is a good idea. Poor girl. Of course you are going to support her on this crazy idea of hers you want that "nice place of yours". I think you are being self centered here and you don't love her, and she doesn't love herself. You poor people need help and doing porn is not going to solve your problems. I'd rather earn $3,000 a month and keep my dignity and self respect. No money in the world buys that.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 August 2011): You might find it a huge turn-on in theory, but in practice the jealousy would probably be too much to handle. I know I could never cope with my wife screwing hundreds of men for money, and if you truly love your fiance you should find the idea repulsive too.
Once it's done it can never be undone. If the two of you ever have kids, how do you think they'll feel about Mom's 'career'?
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (28 August 2011):
 I think you need to have an honest thinking session and decide how you really feel about this. Can you really deal with her having sex with other guys, even if it's just for a job? Do you really have a say in this? How serious is your relationship?
Once you've thought all this out, you two need to sit down and have a real talk about it. Put everything on the table in an open way. You need to make this decision together.
Pros and cons?
Pros: Good money (sometimes), self proclaimed turn on
Cons: Often exploitive industry, high risk of STD's, may be asked to do things she's not really comfortable with but will do anyway, can cause long term emotional problems.
Personally, there are a few porn stars who I find very attractive, but I could never have a relationship with one. To me, monogomy means just me, but that's me. There are so many different relationships out there that you have to decide for yourself what you are able to handle. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, SweetSmoochy +, writes (28 August 2011):
 You asked what the pros and cons of porn are. The pro she says she's looking for is the money. However, because she comes from an abusive background, she is also probably looking for the rough, disrespectful treatment she will recieve from doing porn. She may not even realize that is what she's looking for, but due to her background, it very likely is.
When abused people get the twisted satisfaction of more abuse, it only makes their problems worse.
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A
female
reader, DanceInTheDark  +, writes (28 August 2011):
 Well I guess it all depends, do you have a problem with her having sex with other men? Any problem at all?
Chances are, that will rip apart your relationship. If she does this, are you going to view her as a person? Are you going to view her as the girl you love, or is she just going to be a porn girl to you.
Will you still be able to respect her as a person if she does this?
Does she actually WANT to do porn? Or is it because she just wants validation, is it because she has self esteem issues? If she has self esteem issues, chances are doing porn is going to make them worse.
I think you need to ask her and yourself these questions before you figure it out.
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