A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been living with my girlfriend for 6 years the last few of which have been fairly miserable. I haven't felt able to be myself around her anymore and she doesn't bring out the best in me. But despite that I feel her loyalty, depth of feelings for me and her trustworthiness have been special. Now I've met someone else who makes me feel alive again, and I think things could really work out, but I'm scared of gambling with the security of my current lifestyle and feel guilty about throwing away 6 years of history. How do you think I should approach this situation?
View related questions:
gambling Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 October 2007): Start loving yourself and stop looking for happines outside (ie from others) at the end of the day this is where we all fail, and all problems really stem from. Think About it, Make yourself happy, don't expect others to entartain/make you happy/love you or whatever you are looking for. Good luck!
A
female
reader, BZ  +, writes (27 October 2007):
 I think you need to be true to the relationship. I think you need to be open and honest with her, no matter how much it may hurt her. Assure her that you do still care deeply and that you want the relationship to work... and as such you need to be honest about how you feel in regards to boredom.
Don't place the responsibility on her shoulders though. This is something that you need to deal with. Relationships are hard work - no matter how long you've been in one. Most relationships end up in a state of 'boredom' after a couple of years together unless you both make the concerted effort in compromise with activities and interests.
I've had friends in similar situations and let me tell you that leaving someone who you have spent 6 years with, who cares for you and who you still care for (spark or no spark) is not an easy or quick move to make. At the same time, don't go about making the decision alone. Talk to her. It's simply a matter of making the relationship priority and trying some new things together.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2007): This sounds very much like what happen in my previous relationship. We were together for 9 years in total. He took a chance with a girl that he was falling for. He thought that he loved her only to find that their relationship could not withstand other life issues. It lasted 7 months and has now come to an end. He has said that he wants me back but it is in fact to late now. I wish that things were different but they arent and he cannot erase any pain that I felt in the process. My advice to you would be to take a chance because you will never know unless you try and you only live once. There are obviously problems in your relationship and if you dont act on the feelings you are experiencing with this new girl or sort the problems out with your current. You will probally notice that another issue like this will arise which could also involve another girl. You know in your heart whether you are willing to work it out with your current girl friend and move on. Maybe some time apart will make you realise what you have/had with your current girlfriend is special but at the same time they may be tears shed and she may not be willing to return after. Life is a gamble though!
...............................
A
female
reader, Serinity  +, writes (26 October 2007):
 I think blue angel nailed it on the head, the grass isn't always greener on the other side. It's easier for someone new to make you feel alive and all tingly inside again, because it's new. I'm sure you had the same feelings when you fell in love with your current girlfriend, right? Well, in most cases the newness eventually wares off, but the loyalty and depth of her feelings and the fact that she trusts and believes in you is permanant (unless YOU take actions to remove them). It sounds like you two just need to rekindle the fire in your relationship. You have a long history with your girl and I'm sure you both know eachothers little quirks. You don't know this other girls faults, she may have bigger problems than you bargained for. If your truly unhappy and you don't love your girlfriend, then maybe you should step away from the relationship and take a break. But I would not rush into another relationship right away. Take time to analyze yourself. What qualities are you looking for in a woman? What kind of person could you see spending the rest of your life with. From your description of her loyalty etc., she seems to be a pretty good woman to me. Re-evaluate your situation, see if there's anything you can do to improve the relationship and I'm sure she will follow your lead. Best wishes.
...............................
A
female
reader, Sweet-thing +, writes (26 October 2007):
 I once left a nice, honest, decent man because we didn't have alot in common after several years together and I was longing for some "sizzle" that only a new relationship can bring you. Unfortunately, that sizzle quickly gave way to other problems with my new beau and I am still wondering why I left the honest, but somewhat boring guy behind. I thought I had fallen out of love with the other man, but now I find myself missing him and the stability he provided for me. It's a tough choice and only you can make it. Please choose wisely.
...............................
A
female
reader, Blue_Angel0316 +, writes (26 October 2007):
 In a nutshell as they say. I was married to a man who was handsome, sexy and smart for 14 years. I was happy being his wife because I loved him. I was proud of him. We had our ups and downs.
During the course of 14 years of marriage he cheated, spent more money than he could make, was verbally and mentally abusive to me and my children. He had good qualities but the bad things made it almost imbearable sometimes. I still loved him.
In some ways even this messed up, disfunctional relationship was not always bad and in some ways it was even more stable than I have been since. We started out in love and whatever was lost to this day I still love him. My point is that when any part of your relationship is stable you can work on the other things if you are willing. It however takes two. He wasn't the willing part of the relationship.
He left to go be with another woman. In all that I know about the relationship he has with the new woman it isn't really better in alot of ways and in some probably even worse. My point is you may think that the grass is greener on the other side of the fence but there are times when you find out it's only artificial turf.
If you have any love left don't give up and fight to recapture the LOVE LOST. Think over the time when you fell in love and what all you have been thru. You at least are in a relationship that is stable and you know you are loved.
If you let go of what you have now and the new relationship doesn't work out you may loose what you had forever. It may truely be something referred to as that which only happens once in a lifetime.
I will say that in the end if you cannot see past this loss you feel for your present girlfriend I pray that should you leave you will have whatever God has intended for you.
Pray for God's will and not what you think you want. God bless you and hope you to decide what is best for all concerned.
...............................
A
female
reader, Basschick +, writes (26 October 2007):
 Let's analyze why you don't feel like you can be yourself around your current g/f. What does that mean really?...Are you simply bored, or have you truly fallen out of love with her? Only you can answer that, but if you still love her, then work on the things that need to be improved since you've already invested some time with her. You may be trading one set of problems for another if you jump ship, meaning the new girl may be exciting and adventurous but you can't trust her or perhaps she'll have other issues that are just as bad, or worse. On the other hand, if you no longer love your g/f then it might be best to move on and take the risk. Good luck.
...............................
|
