A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hello, I was wondering if anybody could help me? I am 20 (almost 21) years old and at university. I am still a virgin, mainly because I am very shy around guys and have always got cold feet whenever I got close to getting intimate with a guy. But I've been on a couple of dates with a guy who I really like and want to have sex with. He doesn't know that I'm a virgin though and I think would be very shocked if he found out. I don't know whether to tell him or not, because I went on a few dates with a guy last year and then told him that I was a virgin, hoping that he would be understanding and take things easy, however he then dumped me. Because of this I don't want to tell this guy, but at the same time I feel ready to lose my virginity to him and because I'm so inexperienced I'm pretty sure he'll know even if I don't tell him. Please help!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 March 2008): The guy who dumped you because you were a virgin because he made an unfair assumption. A lot of guys hear the word 'virgin' and think 'prude' - but since you're hoping to actually have sex with this guy that hardly applies to you. To be honest, I reckon tons of guys would rather their new girlfriends were virgins.
A
male
reader, daletom  +, writes (23 December 2007):
You really should let this guy know you're a virgin. And don't wait until you're both naked to break the news. For most people - both guys and girls - there are both physical and emotional factors to consider for "the first time". If he's not willing to deal with these factors, he's not a good choice for your first partner.
Being a 20 yr old virgin isn't as unusual as you might think. It says something about your personal integrity, courage, and respect for sexuality. If you expect to stay with him more than a few weeks after having sex with him, he should know these things about you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 November 2007): I'm in exactly the same boat as you. But I think that, like others have already said, don't make it an issue unless you have to. I haven't told my boyfriend yet that I'm a virgin because we're not quite at that stage yet in our relationship, but when we're close I'm just going to tell him.
In my previous relationship there was a 6 year age gap (I was 20 years old), and I told him pretty early on because he was very forward about it all, and he was totally understanding and kept saying 'we'll wait till you're ready' and 'it's 100% when you're comfortable'. But when 4 months had passed and he still hadn't gotten into my pants he dumped me! That's why I'm waiting to see if my current boyfriend is as serious about this relationship as I am.
Just wait to make sure YOU feel comfortable and that you know for sure that it's not something you'll regret later on.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2007): Hello again! I just want to thank everyone for your advice, it's been really helpful :)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2007): Ok honey, for a start, any guy that would dump you for being a virgin is absolutley not worth losing your virginity to. Most guys would be completely understanding in this situation. If i were you, hold off telling him for a while, take things slowly and don't bring it up unless the two of you are close or ready to, or have discussed actually having sex. Obviously dont leave it until the last minute, but there's no point in raising the issue while there's no issue to be had.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 October 2007): I would recommend that you maintain your virginity until you meet the man you plan to spend the rest of your life with...make sure it is the real deal and not some schmuck just looking for some action and a trophy to brag to his friends about. Be proud of your virginity and rememebr when it's gone it is gone forever!!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2007): I do hope you decide to tell him. Being a virgin isn't anything to be ashamed of, and if he's worth his salt he'll be understanding, respect you for it and try to make it special (or at least be gentle and patient with you - I'm not promising a bed strewn with rose petals). If not, then he wasn't the right person to lose your virginity to in the first place.
As for being dumped by someone after you've told him you were a virgin, maybe this story will restore your faith a little - a good male friend of mine stopped seeing a mutual friend a while ago after she told him she was a virgin (at 23 - he was 29 and considerably more experienced). It wasn't out of any judgment over her virginity, but rather what he told me was that whilst he liked her, he wasn't sure he liked her enough to be her first. He really thought it was a big enough deal that it should be special for her and he wasn't sure he was the right person to make it special. I actually think he was acting honourably in that situation...
I guess all I am saying is that the right person will respect you for telling them and will make sure it's an occasion to remember for all the right reasons!
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (27 October 2007):
 I think being a virgin shows a lot for who you are. It's a great and (unfortunately) rare quality. I would tell him. Not telling him brings that element of dishonesty into the relationship. If he's a keeper, he'll find that to be very attractive and feel good that you picked him.
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (27 October 2007):
I think being a virgin shows a lot for who you are. It's a great and (unfortunately) rare quality. I would tell him. Not telling him brings that element of dishonesty into the relationship. If he's a keeper, he'll find that to be very attractive and feel good that you picked him.
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (27 October 2007):
I think being a virgin shows a lot for who you are. It's a great and (unfortunately) rare quality. I would tell him. Not telling him brings that element of dishonesty into the relationship. If he's a keeper, he'll find that to be very attractive and feel good that you picked him.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2007): if this guy liked you alot and you liked him .. if you feel its right , tell im .. he will understand and he will talk it out with u .. but if he does dump you then obviously he didnt like you like that and whne you find that somebody who loves you and you are sure he wont dump you , tell im and he will understand but dont tell im unless you are possitive about telling him .. hope that helped xx Prinstion Girl xx
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A
female
reader, cd206 +, writes (26 October 2007):
 I've been umming and aahing over what to advise you for a long time and the one thing that stuck out to me is that if you think the relationship is going somewhere then you owe it to the relationship to trust this guy and tell him your secret without shame. I also know that in your position I would find it very hard to tell someone. I get the vibe from you that you're ashamed to still be a virgin but you shouldn't be. I think a lot more people are a virgin in their 20s than you perhaps realise. It's just not talked about once you leave school. It has to be your decision to make but I'd say that if this guy is half as amazing as you think he is then your announcement won't change anything.
CD
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A
female
reader, flower girl +, writes (26 October 2007):
 I think that most men would find the fact you are still a virgin a very attractive quality, so please don't be put off by the last guy's responce.
Take care.xx.
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