A
female
age
36-40,
*tephSteph
writes:I don't know whether to stay with my boyfriend and try make amends or leave him. The problem is that he use to have this prejudice toward me because I am not from the same "background" as him. He use to constantly remind me that he never went out with girls that arn't from a boarding school...At the begining, I wasn't too bothered and never cared as it wasn't anything serious...we enjoyed eachother's company and I liked everything about him excluding his snobbery. Recently, I have noticed that he speaks down to me more and more. I have asked him not to do so but he laughs and winds me up mocking me in an "essex accent" to annoy me which is quite hurtful. We don't see eachother that often as I would like to which is another factor that gets me down... I don't know whether he has lost interest which is making me insecure, or if it is what he says it is - due to the long hours and stress of his job, having to attend many client drinks after work, and days that hes not "working" he complains of being stressed and tired out and insists of being alone to "recouperate"and sleep but doesn't want me around. When we are together we generally do have a good time and I do feel it. I have pointed out that I would like to see more of him but he lashes out and patronises me for being a student that wouldn't understand the demands of is job and how he never gets a minute to himself. I am hurt by him belittling me and am fed up with him trying to dictate the relationship. But I love him very much, and at the same time I feel foolish for putting up with it. He says he wants to talk this through (I agreed) but I feel that it cannot work....he said that he loves me and will concentrate on me when he gets his new flat sorted but I feel that these are excuses.....
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female
reader, michelle000  +, writes (30 April 2007):
Your boyfriend doesn't sound like such a nice prson.You should never be in a relationship with someone who thinks he is better than you.You said it yourself that he has been speaking down to you more and more. It's probably just going to get worse. It just sounds like he is a snob,and you shouldn't be with someone who makes you feel insecure. Also why doesn't he want to spend time with you. He can have a demanding job and still have time for you if he wants to. It doesn't sound like he wants to.
A
female
reader, Keria +, writes (26 April 2007):
That last comment sounds like a horoscope or a fortune cookie!
My advise to you is to dump him as he has no respect for you. UNLESS he is only gently teasing, and you are just being overly sensitive. But being sesitive is difficult to snap out of, so it might be worth yours and his while to go separate ways regardless.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 April 2007): Time is god...Leave it to time..And time will present you with a splendid solution...Feel confident and positive..And the positive vibes may tranform him..If they dont, time will still tell..And you shall be happy forever,with or without him
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A
female
reader, xxxsoulsistaxxx +, writes (26 April 2007):
 I just don't think you two are very well suited. A man like this isn't very well suited to anyone really and unless he finds someone equally as snobby and annoying, I don't think he ever will be happy unless he is shocked into changing. You should be proud of where you're from, what does that say about him if he's dating you? Surely you can't be that bad?! If he wants someone from a boarding school, let him go and get one, he has no right to patronise you this way. Love doesn't care about status: if you love them, you love them.
He doesn't sound like a nice person at all and, the fact that you've written this, tells me you know that. I'm not saying you should stick within your class, it doesn't matter to me what class my partner is or what I am, but it obviously matters to him. I can't believe you will let him put you down like this, like you owe him something! He's obviously got you into that way of thinking and it's not healthy.
I think men like him like to date people they consider to be of a lower class to themselves as this gives them the power. Don't be his lap dog anymore, you're worth so much more than he gives you credit. As for the lack of support in your education and hardly ever getting to see him, that's just the icing on the cake.
Get rid of this loser and find someone who's nice, loving and respects you, no matter where the pair of you come from. He's too big for his boots and needs bringing down a peg or two. Good luck.
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A
male
reader, lupa-k +, writes (26 April 2007):
Whatever the reason he is doing it, the simple fact is that he is not treating you with respect. Regardless of the situation he is in at work, this is not the foundation for a successful relationship.
I guess ultimately you need to decide what you want. If you want a casual relationship and to keep having fun, then maybe things are ok like this. But successful long term things need to be based around mutual respect and that will never be there while he continues to belittle you.
The new flat might change things, but until he demonstrates that he has changed, I'd keep a safe enough distance, let him do the running to prove this - otherwise you run the risk of allowing him to destroy your confidence which could have far wider reaching effects
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