A
female
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anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I just started our relationship over, hoping to forgive eachother for what we have done in the past and try and move on but still be together. We were having horrible problems and he was always hiding stuff from me. Especially on the computer, he would delete the history so that I wasn't aware of what he was looking at. I politely asked him to quit and plus he would leave the history page up letting me know that he had been deleting things once again. He would look at topless ladies, I think.....I felt foolish for getting upset and that was WAY before he started deleting stuff. Well...today I came home from work to find MY e-mail up, so he was looking at it and then in the history instead of just looking and topless ladies, he was looking at porn! When I brought this up, he said at least I didn't delete it. Before we even got together, he stated he didn't like this sort of stuff and through our relationship, there were never any signs of him looking at this stuff, but now it's on MY computer. I have asked him to NOT look at stuff if he don't want me to see what it is. He knew I was a little upset about the topless ladies, so what did he think my reaction would be about porn? It kinda hurts my feelings and made me feel as if I'm just not good enough or something. He's never put me in THIS situation having to deal with him looking at porn, so I don't know how I'm supposed to feel. Any advice???
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 April 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI personally just thought that we were starting OVER.... that means everything that has happened in our past is done and forgotten. That means, no more snooping and start trusting eachother. I found out about him looking at my e-mails before I even thought about looking at the history. And I don't believe EVERY guy looks at porn. I'm getting at because he has never done this before and we're starting over, but now he starts? Thanks for the helpful advice though, I do appreciate. I will just keep my word about starting over rather he does or not, is his decision.
A
female
reader, Keria  +, writes (26 April 2007):
See, this is a double standard. You want to spy on him. You want him to be accountable to you for everything he looks at on the computer. But then YOU get pissed off when he looks at your email. Now, why is that?
As for porn, this shows you guy is normal. They all look at porn. Give him up for another guy, and THAT guy will look at porn too.
Quit spying! No wonder he has to delete the history on his computer!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 April 2007): Hi,
Boys are visually stimulated while girls are emotionally stimulated. Its this difference in the hormonal structure that makes boys what they are. They like to look at porn.But there ends the misery.Because they do not relate to any of the girls they find on the net. Its you they love. And its you they look out for, when they want emotional security.They know that these girls on the net are all fake.I suggest you change your behavior towards your mate. Let him know that you are a very matured individual who understands his need for sex.At the same time let him know subtly that these people on the net are fake.And you are for real.Time will heal our wounds and a positive approach towards this will help you lead a good life. The mantra is -"Know the clinical facts before you act"
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A
male
reader, lupa-k +, writes (26 April 2007):
Basically, get out, at least until he gets over this addiction that he appears to have with pornography. He knows how you feel about it from previously - well he clearly hasn't changed and there are only so many chances that you can give someone. The fact he tries to hide things rather than talk to you only makes matters work.
Put it this way, he's lied to you and that can easily take away by far the most important part of a relationship - trust
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