A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Do I really not have adult rights at eighteen? I went to the ER and they told me they needed my mom's signature. Then my mother told me she made an appointment at the gynecologist because I have irregular periods and told me the doctor will need to check down there. Frankly I don't know what she'll need to see down there. Shouldn't she just ask me questions? Well I told my mother that I was not spreading my legs for a doctor. I'm a virgin. No one has ever seen my lady parts since I'm 7. I don't feel comfortable having to do that with a doctor. Mom told me I have to do as she says. I told her she can't force me. She told me she can and I told her that I at least have some legal right with being eighteen and she said I'm wrong.
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female
reader, SirenaBlusera  +, writes (2 December 2010):
 I don´t see your country flag, but your legal rights depend on the country where you live. Where I live, you legally become an adult at 18.
However, if you are on your parents´insurance responsibility, then I imagine that your parents would be required to sign for your ER visit. Regardless of how old you are, if you are under another person´s name then that person is responsible.
Having said that, I think that it´s unwise for you to get into a power struggle with your mom. She´s pushing you to see a gynecologist because she´s concerned about your health. Part of being an adult means taking adult responsibility, and you need to take care of your health. If they do find something wrong, and they catch it in time, then they can easily treat it. If you prolong treatment, and there is something wrong, then by the time they discover it, you may have suffered permanent damage. I don´t want to scare you, just prevent future suffering for you. Don´t you want kids someday? There are certain medical conditions that, if left untreated, can permanently cause you to be unable to have kids. Endometriosis, for example. If caught in time, it´s easy to treat... if caught toolate, it can irreversibly damage your reproductive system. Refusing to go to the dr. is really unwise.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (2 December 2010):
 If in your country legal age is 18 ( in a few countries it's still 21) no, your mom can't make you do anything against your will and no doctor can visit you without your consent.
But yours, forgive me, it's really a silly dilemma.
You ended up at the ER, don't you want to know, in your own interest, if there's anything wrong with you "down there " ?
As for lady parts, OB/GYN see lady parts all day every day, they are overdosed with lady parts, they won't take any personal interest in yours, it's exactly like showing them a feet or an arm. But if you want , you can make an appointment with a female gynecologist. Or/and ask that your mom or a friend be present during the visit to support you because you are anxious.
Going to see a gyno maybe is not fun, but really, it's nothing terrible at all. I prefer it 100 times better than going to the dentist.!
And if you are so squeamish and paranoid now,- what will you do when you'll be pregnant and giving birth ?
All at home over the kitchen table like in rural 19th century ?
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A
female
reader, dmartin89  +, writes (2 December 2010):
 It's hard to answer this question as it is different in UK, US, Asia, India etc.
Here in the UK, we don't have a gynecologist we see regulary. I'm 21 and have never seen a gynecologist but I have had an STD smear from my GP.
My mum is 44 and the only time she saw a gynecologist was to check on her episiotomy tear after giving birth to me!
You don't have to see one. You're only 18. My periods are still not regular. If you don't want to see one, forcing you to open your legs would be illegal.
However, gynecologists are professionals, they have seen thousands of lady bits. They are respectful and will make you feel as comfortable as possible.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (2 December 2010):
 You went to the ER for what reason?
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (2 December 2010):
 Odds is correct when it comes down to being under your parent's health insurance you don't exactly have a choice. No one is trying to go against your constitutional rights. You're in your parents home so it's their house their rules..In fact not listening to your mother when she knows what's best for you is rather childish and immature.
Now that you're coming into being a woman, you have to go to the gyno for a yearly check-up, a breast exam, pap smears, etc. This is to ensure everything checks out down south. They're not going to pop your cherry or knock you out with anesthesia and have their way with you. No one likes going to the gyno, but it's something that you will have to do for the rest of your life. If you're that nervous then ask your mother to be in the room with you while the doctor exams you. Or tell your mother you'd prefer a female gyno over a male.
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A
female
reader, DanceInTheDark  +, writes (2 December 2010):
 Well I can't answer the other questions since I have no idea where you're from.
You should be seeing a gynecologist since you're 18.
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A
male
reader, Odds +, writes (2 December 2010):
 Not to put too fine a point on it, but you're not exactly talking like an adult. Re-read your last three sentences. I understand this is frustrating, but there are two points to consider.
1) Are you on your parents' insurance plan? If so, yes, they have to sign things for you. They're paying for it, everything's in their name. This will be true your entire life, as long as you are dealing with any sort of fund which is in another person's name.
2) You really should see the doctor. Going to a gynecologist does not deflower you. No one really likes stripping down for their doctor, but you can bet that when I hit fifty, I'm going to get a prostate exam every year. Never had a finger in my butt, but I'm more concerned with staying healthy and being able to keep having sex than I am with keeping that record. It's the smart thing to do.
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A
female
reader, birdynumnums +, writes (2 December 2010):
 Your question doesn't have a flag beside it; I am not sure where you live. Can you please give us more details?
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A
female
reader, Nime +, writes (2 December 2010):
 I would think you do have legal rights over your health at 18, and no, your mother can't force you to see a doctor; certainly no one can force you to 'spread your legs' for one.
However, please consider that this is YOUR health and you're very lucky to have a mother who cares enough to make this appointment for you at the ripe age of 18. At 18 it's also time to start being responsible by taking advantage of things like health insurance while you still have it, so it wouldn't be a bad idea to go get yourself checked out if you have the opportunity. Believe me, all girls are nervous about their first visit to a gynecologist, but it's really not bad at all. Just think of it like a visit to the dentist; you're sitting back and exposing a part of yourself so someone can work on it. She'll probably just want to look inside and feel your ovaries; it's really nothing and doesn't hurt at all. If you're worried about what she'll see, don't, because she's most likely seen everything and more than you'd ever want to imagine. I've had three gynos since I started going (I'm 24) and all of them were chatty, friendly women who managed to make the experience pleasant. Just relax yourself and act like you two are talking over coffee. The nice thing about it all is that once you've had a doctor see more of your private parts than you ever will, you won't have much inhibition when it comes to asking her the personal health questions you never felt comfortable asking anyone else. I suggest you go see your doctor and try not to be too mad at your mom; I know she's being kind of pushy, but she's just trying to help you in the only way she knows how.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 December 2010): im not sure how it is in other countries and i cant see where your from but if your in the united states then yes you have full adult rights. your mom cant make you do anything and no doctor can touch you without your consent.
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