A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:My husband died two years ago from cancer. He had an older brother who he stopped talking to for at least fifteen years (we were married for fifteen years and he refused to talk to him). I have no idea what happened between them two, except my husband said that they were not ever close. I found his brother on Facebook and I am unsure if I should reach out to him or not, at the very least to let him know that his brother died (I don't know if anyone contacted him since all of his friends did not know he even had a brother).I feel guilty that his brother may not know about my husband's death. How is the best way to handle this situation?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 April 2020): Why would you do that? Your husband wanted nothing to do with him. Why would you not respect that decision?
A
male
reader, N91  +, writes (21 April 2020):
 Nope, what’s the point?
If there are other family members then he will have been informed.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 April 2020): I think it is a tough choice, but in your place, yes I would probably contact him.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (20 April 2020):
 If your husband and his brother did not speak for 15 years, then they were obviously not part of each other's lives and not important to each other. It will only hurt you if you contact him to tell him his brother died and he shrugs and asks "so what?" or, worse still, completely cuts you dead.
I would leave well alone. It is not your responsibility to tell his brother anything.
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A
female
reader, mystiquek +, writes (20 April 2020):
 I would leave this alone. I'm not sure why after 2 years you feel the need to reach out? I agree with the other posters that it could open up a Pandora's box of problems. I would assume that the brother knows about his brother's passing and for whatever reason didn't feel the need to reach out to you.
My father and his younger brother (the only 2 siblings left out of 6) had been in business together all their lives. My uncle took advantage of my father and my dad just let it slide. When my dad retired, they had a falling out and although my dad never went into details with any of us, we knew it was bad. They never spoke again. My dad's wishes were that my mother never inform his brother of his passing should my dad pass away first. We honored his request. When my uncle passed away 4 years later, I reached out to his family (my cousins) but they never responded. Sometimes people just don't want to have anything to do with each other ever again. Sad but true.
Let sleeping dogs lie.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2020): I think it is safe to presume his brother is aware of his brother's death. There are other members of the extended family who would have notified him by now; or he could have even read about it in the obituaries.
It's best to put your concerns to rest. I strongly advise you not to get too involved in family-feuds. Let the past be buried, and forgotten.
If you want to renew a family-connection or rebuild a bridge; do it on your own terms, and for your own reasons. Don't dredge up the pain of the past. It's between your husband and his brother. It's none of your business, and could cause you unnecessary pain.
Getting too involved in the matter could upset you; and disturb the memory of your husband, if your receive an unpleasant reception. If he isn't moved by the news of his brothers demise. In the span of two years, if he hasn't contacted you, it's because he wants nothing to do with either of you.
My advice is, leave this alone. You may not like his reaction and that will create a whole new atmosphere of antagonism and alienation.
Curiosity and prying into old matters often dig-up things you really don't want to know. If it was bad enough to put 15 years of silence between them; you don't really need to know. What could you do about it now anyway?
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (20 April 2020):
 I think this is such a hard choice. Because you don't know WHY they stopped talking. There could be a valid reason. And you might not want to invite this man into your life.
So are there other siblings? Family members who might know more?
And why wait 2 years after your husband's death to want to tell him?
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A
female
reader, 0livia  +, writes (20 April 2020):
 If you have good intentions and you want to connect w your BIL w a pure heart - go for it!
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