A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've been dating this guy for about 2 years, we have had our ups and downs just like any other couple, I thought we were doing really, really well..he even took me out to California to meet his dad in August! But three weeks ago, he broke up with me. He told me it was because he thought our relationship with a job and he was too busy with work, an internship and finishing up his degree to be in a relationship with me but he still badly wants to be friends. I'm still crazy in love with him and don't think that "friends" is something I could handle. We tried going to a movie together on Friday, which went okay but it really hurt to be around him as "just friends". Later that night I went out to the bars with my girlfriend and he ended up showing up at the same one. A few too many shots later on my part, I ended up going home with him. We ended up sleeping together. In the morning when we woke up he cuddled me and we talked a little. When I had to leave to go to work he walked me out and gave me a very long hug and a kiss. He later told me that he didn't want me to push him to get back together, and he doesn't really want to.I'm not sure what I should do, I love him so much and I want him back 100%. Obviously there must be something there if those things happened the other night. Do pursue something with him again or move on? I need some major help.
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female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (4 October 2010):
 He knows that you don't want to be friends now that you have slept with him again since the breakup and the agreement to be 'just friends'. I think that he needs some time alone to sort out his priorities, which is why he wanted the split in the first place. Sleeping with him now only makes him think that fwb is an okay thing for you, and obviously your heart is still heavily involved. Unless you want to become his regular booty call, I'd stay away from him and let him miss you all the more.
The next move is up to him. If he makes the wrong one; say, a 1 am phone call, then tell him that it was a one-time-only slip on your part and it won't happen again until he makes up his mind that having you in his life is a priority for him.
THEN stick to your guns on this.
It's the old cliche "If you love something, set it free. If it comes back to you, it's yours. If it doesn't, it never was."... We do not possess anything in this world, least of all other people. We only imagine that we do. Our friends, our lovers, our spouses, even our children are not ours; they belong only to themselves. Possessive and controlling friendships and relationships can be as harmful as neglect. - Allison Willcocks
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 October 2010): I think this is one of those "let him come to you" situations. I know that it may be hard to just 'be friends' but if he already has too much stuff on his plate then maybe that is all he can handle right now. atleast if you stay friends then when he gets somemore time you two can try a relationship again. Now im not saying that you should wait arround forever for him, theres nothing wrong with moving on if it seems like hes taking too long. Now its up to you if you two do anything 'extra' and i dont know his personality but i say if he doesnt have time for a relationship then he shouldnt have time for anything 'extra' either.
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A
female
reader, Meesh76  +, writes (4 October 2010):
 Hi,this guy sounds like he wants to have his cake and eat it! He wants everything he had from you before but just without the committment. If this was what you both wanted then fine but it isn't. Everything is now on his terms and that's not a healthy basis for a friendship never mind a relationship. This guy is been unfair and I think you need to put some distance between you. Explain to him that sure you will still be firends but right now you need to focus on you. Build a life for yourself away from this guy. Believe me there are other options out there for you and it will not do this guy any harm at all to be made aware of that. Good luck.
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