A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Dear cupid,Guys I've done something stupid and I don't know how to make it up. I feel like I am a dirt bag for this but I feel like I was being taken advantage of and I lashed out. See I've kind of sort of been seeing this girl for the past 7 months. We've seen each other maybe 10-12 times. I haven't seen her in a month. We live in the same town and she is super busy. She doesn't always answer my calls/text. When she does its sometimes a week or two later. Last time I'd heard from this girl was about 6 days ago with her saying that she's super busy and she'd get back to me when she had time. Flash forward to yesterday I was at the bar with some guy friends. At like 11pm. This girl and another guy walk in together. Immediately my heart sinks. She does say hi to me, says don't usually see you out on the weekends but no introductions. They end up going into another room. My buddies are all looking at me like what the heck and my mind begins to race. I should of just left and gone home. I instead end up being an idiot. I start drinking way too much and becoming friends with everyone. Guys, girls, random punk rock groups. I am talking to them all. I just turned on my social switch. The beer probably helped with that. I am being friendly to people, dancing(PG) and just having a good time. I'm avoiding her. I'm pissed about this girl. Finally she comes up and talks to me and says that this dude is just a friend that she went to his office party with him and went to the bars afterwards. They danced together. She says that shes been watching me this whole time. She tried to flirt with me and I cut her off. I can tell shes hurt. What the heck? I feel bad about how I acted and I know I don't deserve forgiveness from her but I'm still pissed about her about her even being there and not telling me. I'm a dirt bag for talking to other girls in this bar and shouldn't of acted that way. I know that. Should I apologize to this girl? or am I being to nice? I haven't gotten a text about last night but doubt I would of gotten another one till next week anyway.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2017): Woah dude,
Alarm bells all around. No one is that busy. People will always make time for you if you mean anything to them. A week or two later? The whole point of texting is to get immediate replies. You obviously think about her more often than she does about you. It seems like she's an outgoing type of girl. There's a good chance you're not the only man that's after her. I don't think she's into you as much as you're into her. I'd move on.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2017): She found time for a date with another guy. This is a no-brainer. No apology required.
You now see why your calls are returned a week later and why she's so busy! Sometimes "nice-guys" are keepsakes or place-holders. You're backup.
You should never interact with someone when you're upset, and under the influence of alcohol. Then it isn't really you they're talking to. It's your intoxicated-personality with no filter; and lacking full control of your behavior. So you come across as a drunk. Somewhat pathetic. It diminishes your image, and you look foolish; if not pathetic. You were right, you should have left. It is what it is.
She wasn't hurt. She was embarrassed, because she was busted. You were intoxicated; so you didn't process that correctly. You should apologize for rudeness; but in this case, it's best to leave it alone and maintain your dignity.
She didn't want to introduce you; because she doesn't want either of you to know her true affiliation to either guy. One is on-hold, while she's working on the guy she really wants.
She doesn't have time to call or return calls, so don't bother calling her anymore. She owes you an apology, but I would forfeit that apology for the sake of my self-respect.
Just move on and salvage your pride.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (12 December 2017):
 Sweetheart, people are NEVER "too busy" to reply to a text for days on end. It is just a case of priorities - and YOU are way down HER list of priorities.
You do NOT owe her an apology. You owe her NOTHING - which is exactly what she has been giving YOU.
You are being way too nice to her, but you are also expecting too much from her. She is not prepared to make time for you. In your shoes I would wish her well and start the new year by looking for someone who values being with you and makes time for a relationship with you instead of feeding you a load of excuses.
Don't be a doormat.
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (12 December 2017):
 This is a strange relationship that you share because you're barely even friends, let alone anything else. You've met 10 times in 7 months despite being in the same city so it's not even twice a month! She takes a week or two to answer your texts... Which is really really weird! How long does it take to type a message or make a call?
She's definitely got something going on behind your back. How could you not know?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2017): Hey buddie, I know how you feel, it happened to me two years ago,I did something real romantic, she acted it wasn't nothing, I walk out never went back, one day a week, was a big red flag, but the bad thing about it is I still miss her, but I do believe in karma, next time you meet a new woman, look up truth finder .com I found out alot of things she didn't tell me,like been married three times not once, lived with a lot of guys, more then one child, what's bad is I been with someone for a year, and I still miss her, good luck, block her, delete everything, don't even say hello if you see her, that really bothered them
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (11 December 2017):
 Seems like you and here are more f-buddies than a couple or even an FWB. So no, you can DO whatever you want.
If she actually saw you as her BF, she would have introduced you to the guy from work, not just a one-line greeting and then "hiding" in another room.
She can't even answer a text or the phone when you called? To me that says a lot. Like, she wasn't serious about you at all.
I'm sorry, in my 20's I worked 60-70 hour weeks and still managed to see my BF 2-3 times a week. Still managed to see my family and friends as well. Because I felt they should all be a priority, not a toy you put on the shelf until you want to "play" with it...
Personally? I'd just cut off this girl, block her and move on. She is wasting your time. I don't think you "owe" her squat.
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A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (11 December 2017):
 I'd say she liked you but was not serious about you. We can all appreciate what it's like to be busy, but if you haven't seen her in a month and you only communicate every week or so then it's safe to say she is not serious about you.
If she had been serious about you then you showing up at a bar with some other woman when you barely have time for her would have raised the same questions in her mind. ANYONE would have thought the same in that situation.
It might be best to just let this one go. Don't initiate contact and DO NOT APOLOGIZE if she contacts you. Be matter of fact, calm and formal (not cold and curt just treat her with the same distant courtesy you'd treat any stranger with).
You've lost nothing here. And you haven't done anything wrong as far as I can tell. Alcohol doesn't help, but you already know that.
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (11 December 2017):
 It's probably not what you want to hear but I don't buy her story at all.
I think she needed to come up with a reason for you not to get pissed and that was the best she had. Also, the busy thing? Sure people have a lot going on in their life, but 1-2 weeks for a response? How have you even had the drive to keep that going? In all honesty I just don't think she's that into you and has probably been speaking to a couple of guys and keeping things casual. Have you or any of your friends ever been that busy that you couldn't respond for a week? Sounds like bullshit to me.
Personally, I would have let this one die out a long time ago just for the lack of communication so seeing her in a bar with another guy surely should be the final nail in the coffin for this 'relationship' if you can call it that. I'm not sure why you're even considering apologising to her, you caught her on a date with another guy and she tried back peddling. What are you seeking forgiveness for? You didn't do anything wrong.
My view on the situation is you're way too available for her and she sees you as a back up option, she just has to randomly contact you and I assume you always accept her offer to meet. You're not a doormat so stop acting like one.
What exactly are you getting out of these sporadic meetings and conversations? Find someone who actually has time for you.
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A
female
reader, 02DuszJ +, writes (11 December 2017):
 Yes- you're being too nice. You know how their are so many male "players" out there? Well there's a good amount of female players/ man eaters.. I don't think you've found a great girl here.
Look- imagine you were REALLY into a girl (like this one) would it take you OVER A WEEK to get back to her? No you'd be thinking about her, WANTING to talk to her-- what does it say about her feelings the time she takes? Busy?? She's showing what/ WHO she's doing the 6 out of seven days she doesn't contact you..
WHY didn't she introduce you as someone she's seeing? It has been seven months! BEcause she's playing the field and you're LETTING her string you along..
All I can say is try not to take this personally, she played you.. although YOU need to learn from this in the sense that if a woman wants you, she will be SEEKING you out.. don't ignore signs next time and maybe it's worth googling signs a woman's into you. Block and cut contact with her, and KEEP yourself busy.. she's not worth your emotions or seven months of your time
Don't feel guilty- you played up a bit when you were drunk, yeah drinking is a dangerous answer to mending a broken heart but we've all done it.. it's not like she was showing any loyalty to you! Move on, enjoy life, hobbies friends YOU CAN do better.
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