A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm not sure if this is ok to ask, but I'm having issues with my roommate. I feel like I may possibly be overreacting, so tell me your thoughts. We've lived together without issues since July. However, she has a long distance boyfriend who visits on weekends. It used to be half and half that she would go see him, but lately I feel like he is here a lot on the weekends. When we decided to live together, we were both dating people seriously. We both would spent time at our boyfriend's or have them over, so I fully expected that. We had both been living on our own prior to living together. My relationship ended, but hers continued. I knew her boyfriend would come over- I wasn't thrilled about it but have never said anything negative about him to her or our mutual friends. Here's what's bothering me: every time he's here, they snuggle on my couch and take up our living room even though she has the larger room and a TV in her room. I hate sharing my things (I was an only child for 10 years...) and I know that's bad and I try to let it roll off but sometimes it really bugs me. Her boyfriend smells and they're using my pillows and blankets and couch all the time. I feel like I have 2 roommates instead of 1 and just retreat to my room whenever I see them out there. They're pretty much always on our couch or napping when he's here if they aren't out doing something. Even when he's not here, she's on the couch. She's said before "kick me out if you need the room" but I never have. Sometimes I would like to use my couch and that living area! I get home from work before she does, so I could stake out the living room before. But I'm very active and not one to sit on the couch for hours. It's just the principle of the matter. As far as roommates go, she's quiet and clean. She pays every bill on time and always tidies up after herself. Even when they watch TV, the volume is on extremely low so I can't hear from my room. She never has guests over other than him and they don't do anything loudly or any entertaining. She never uses the kitchen (doesn't cook) and doesn't use my food or dishes. Even when I come in and say I'm going to bed, they go to her room instead. So part of me feels that I may be overreacting and just need to get over it. Please let me know what you think! I want to be honest and open with her, but I don't want to make an issue where there doesn't need to be one. Tonight I asked if I could use the TV after my run. That's a few hours from now, so we'll see if I'm allowed!
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (19 December 2017):
 Wow you should be thankful you have such a great housemate. Are you sure you want to be house sharing? It could be a case that you are used to your own space and that is fine, but when you are renting together you need to learn to share things. She sounds very respectful off you so you should be thankful for that. All you need to do is talk to her when something is bothering you don't allow it to build up.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2017): Buy a chair so there's enough room for everyone. Seems you're more upset that she's still in a relationship than anything else.
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A
male
reader, Allumeuse  +, writes (11 December 2017):
Couldn't you get another comfy chair? It's sociable to have more chairs than the exact number of house residents! You could come to some accord about the cost but booking time in the common area sound much more hassle than just having the right amount of sitting equipment.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (11 December 2017):
 Set up a schedule on who gets the couch. You get it 2 weekends of the months - she gets it two weekends of the month.
It's really that simple.
She has no clue that you are upset about this. Whether it's because SHE still has a BF or has taken over the living room, she can't READ your mind so you NEED to talk to her.
If you say I feel like I am being relegated to my room as the two of you take over the couch EVERY time he is here and honestly I would like to have the option to just veg out too without having to ASK you first. So can we set a schedule for the couch?
I mean it's pretty simple. Being upset because she isn't more considerate is pointless, you NEED to verbalize so she KNOWS what's up.
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A
female
reader, suzzzque269 +, writes (11 December 2017):
 you did exactly as i would have suggested...talk to her/them. are they even aware that you are bothered by them using the living room all the time? she sounds like a great room mate otherwise.
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