A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Should I simply leave her alone?I have just finished college and I do not date at all but one day, I met a girl in the library and we quickly got along really well as new friends and we found out that we had so much in common. Over time, we started to message each other more and more on Facebook. I started to fall for her and I found my messages becoming more flirty and it seemed like she was not at all taken aback by them. Eventually, I convinced myself that we could start something. When I had coffee with her one day, in all brashness I confessed that I had a crush on her after we finished. She said she was 'flattered' and that she didn't know how to react. I guess it wasn't exactly a rejection but this was when everything changed.We no longer had conversations on Facebook and my messages to her only had one line replies as if she were bothered by them now. Then I saw that she became new friends with another guy, and it seems that they are getting along swimmingly, exchanging flirts with each other. I felt really hurt and cast aside. Why was she acting cold to me all of a sudden but had so much to say to this other guy, I asked myself. I started to become a bit more persistent in my messages to her and I apologised if I had said something wrong but again she only had one line replies.Because I was leaving college and it was likely that I would not see her again I asked on Facebook message if I could meet her. Her reply was that she didn't know if I would be wasting my time because she didn't want me to have false expectations. Then I said I wanted to see her for the sake of having 'closure' on my feelings for her. She replied by saying that she did not need closure for anything and that she did not know where I got this idea from. I said again that I was talking about closure for myself but her reply was again that she did not need closure and that if I wanted to said anything to her I should email her.I did just that two weeks later, saying that it was a pleasure to get to know her and becoming her friend. I apologised again for passionately saying things to her without afterthought to consequences and that I hoped that I did not ruin our friendship. I wished her luck for her upcoming exams and success for her future. I feel hurt because she has not replied at all, I hoped she would want to continue being friends. I do not know what to do now.
View related questions:
crush, facebook, flirt Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, llifton  +, writes (22 July 2014):
 So yes, the ultimate answer is to leave her alone. You got to say how you feel and now that is all you can do. Anything beyond that may be somewhat harassing. I would now leave it alone.
A
female
reader, Aemita  +, writes (22 July 2014):
 Not to burst your bubble......not my intention to be as brutal as I might come off. But, OP...please stop being so hung up on her. You two are not meant to be. You confessed your feelings for her and that is a *very* good thing. I always appreciate people who aren't afraid to show their emotions. If anything, at least you're not living in a fantasy land with "what-ifs" dangling above your head. That being said though...you've been rejected. Learn to live with it. Not all girls you have a crush on, will reciprocate. It's not my possible. But now that you know she's not interested in you, feel free to move on. There's no need for "closure". Closure for what? It was one simple date, a cup of coffee. Not a relationship. Trust me, you "DO NOT" need any kind of closure. You shouldn't expect an reply to your email, either. It is what it is. Move on.
...............................
A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (22 July 2014):
I know it hurts right now, but in all honesty, she is doing you a favor. I know it doesn't feel like it at the moment, but she's not stringing you along, which is really a good thing.
She's right, there is no need for closure. The reason for that is because you two were never in a relationship. You were always just friends. You confessed your feelings and she politely shot them down. She was very tactful about it in her immediate response when you first confessed your feelings. And once she realized that you wanted more than just being friends, she stopped the flirty conversations as a means to make sure she didn't give you the wrong idea and lead you on. She was making sure you realized that she didn't wish to take things further between you two. So when you asked for closure, she didn't understand. Because there really is nothing to get closure about. You liked her and the feelings weren't mutual. She was very respectful in telling you to email her. That was her way of being polite and letting you get your feelings off your chest, but once gain, not giving you false hope.
I know it doesn't feel like it, but she was very respectful of your feelings. Just chalk this up to being the wrong girl. And at least she isn't dangling you on a string. At least she had the decency to cut you free.
Good luck.
...............................
A
female
reader, auntieJ +, writes (22 July 2014):
 You're clearly very young & sound like you don't have a lot of dating experience to fall back on,so I'll be cruel to be kind.
Am sorry that your feelings have been hurt ect but you're going on at her a bit much.
You were friends & from what I've read she let you down as gently as she could.
This whole pushing for "closure" is totally unnecessary,you were not in a relationship,she doesn't owe you "closure" for anything.
The fact she said she felt 'flattered'that you had a crush on her was her way of saying "Thanks but no thanks."
You have to except that she didn't feel the same way about you & move on.
Yeah it's a horrible feeling but clinging on to someone crying out for "closure" for a friendship is a little intense.
Just put yourself in her shoes,if a female you thought of as a friend,turned round & confessed to crushing on you & you do not feel the same,try to let her down gently,she then starts to message you about closure,you's be pretty confused as to what she was requesting closure for would you not?
...............................
|
