A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm at uni and i've been hanging around this group of black boys. I'm black myself and i live with all white people. Out of 6 i get on well with 2 who are nerds and they're good decent people. The others are jocks and we don't really hang out with each other or anything like that.i started hanging around with the black guys after the exams. I was supposed to get a house for next year with one of them but he never text back after he said he would.Once also i was supposed to meet them at their house for pre drinking before a party, but they got free VIP tickets instead without telling me and went off to the club. I turned up to their house after they told me to and nobody was there. I phoned them up and they were like "oh crap john is at our house" That's not my name by the way. I ended up walking 25 minutes to the club in the freezing cold, after wasting about £20 on a taxi.I don't get it. I don't see why people mistreat me. Now it's to the point i've started being aggressive with people and just doing what i want. I've noticed that the people i live with are now nicer to me and they smile.So why is it so hard to make real friends and will i ever get that? For now i've only got one real friend and he's pretty cool, but he doesn't go out. I also told him about all the problems i've been having and he just laughed in my face.Also do you have to be incosiderate and a prick to get girls and get respect? Seeme to work for everyone else....HELP!!!
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female
reader, AllRiledUp010  +, writes (20 March 2011):
 Well, you could actually seek help, a counselor, or a family member who doesn't have the problem. I was abnormally shy from preschool to sixth grade. I followed the "popular girls" around, trying to score some type of status in the school. I ended up looking like a loser when they never invited me to parties, or if they did, I wouldn't talk to anyone. I felt left out, so I talked to a counselor outside of school. She helped me see different ways to communicate, what not to say or do to people, and how to make new friends. One of the key ideas was "associate with people who have common ideas or interests." Find people who like what you like. You'll find it easier to have fun, even if it means you won't be the top of society.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question"You follow others around, and sink back when they don't inform you of where they're going, or if they don't invite you along"Hi thanks for your response i can totally relate to this. It desribes me very well. What would you suggest i do? Should i ask people to tag along with them? I feel like they dont enjoy my company for whatever reason. How do i become more social? I should mention that i'm also on anti-depressants so maybe that's why i'm not too social.
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A
male
reader, Kilcardy +, writes (19 March 2011):
Becoming an asshole will not get you friends. It will simply cause more assholes to come into your life. The problem as I see it is that you are hanging with the wrong crowd. If the people you are seeking to hang with have no respect for you, ditch them. Get with people who respect you and accept you for who you are. You're young and haven't found your full voice yet. You will. Go easy on yourself. You sound like a considerate and kind young man. That will take you farther in life than you know right now. So, don't change yourself. Change the crowd you're hanging with. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, AllRiledUp010 +, writes (19 March 2011):
From what I've read, you're "believing before seeing." If that makes sense whatsoever. By noticing an unusual spike in nice behavior from others, coincidentally at the time you lost it, you believe that your new mood is the reason for people "liking" you. It isn't. It could potentially be that people notice you're sticking up for yourself, but they could very well be afraid of you. By coming out of your submissive bubble, I suppose, you're showing everyone that you are dominant, able to speak for yourself, and everyone else should be nice to you, or be whooped. It might be hard for you to make friends because you're naturally submissive. You follow others around, and sink back when they don't inform you of where they're going, or if they don't invite you along. Work on being social, funny, (not obnoxious), and voluntarily make conversation. If you find it troubling, seek a counselor who can help you break your shyness. Also, NO you don't have to be a jerk to get a girl. I am one for what it's worth, and coming from most girls, we like nice guys. It's no fun to tag along with a disrespectful, cruel guy who treats everyone as a slave. If you want respect, don't fuzz out and shy away. Stick up for yourself, and maybe for others. I get respect at school just by having a voice. (I don't mean this literally, I mean in terms of being dominant.) I tell someone when I don't like them, I start conversations with strangers, make friends, and have it my way. Try it!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2011): Firstly, no you don't have to be an inconsiderate prick to get girls but a little indifference helps. Girl's enjoy a challenge and a chase.As for your 'friends', they're obviously not that bothered so you shouldn't be either. Who cares what a bunch of jocks think anyway. Best friends are like partner's they seem to come from nowhere when you're least expecting it. You're friend who laughed at you may just have felt uncomfortable and knew no other way to react. Keep true to yourself and at least you can sleep easy knowing you're a decent person.
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A
male
reader, sebaslookingforward  +, writes (19 March 2011):
You dont have to mistreat those who mistreat you. You have to ignore them, and dont do anything for them. Only focus in developing friendships with those who are nice, instead of focusing on doing harm to those who are immature
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