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My boyfriend wants me to travel to him! What do I do?

Tagged as: Big Questions, Dating, Family, Long distance, Online dating<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (19 March 2011) 2 Answers - (Newest, 19 March 2011)
A female Indonesia age 36-40, *ngelic08 writes:

Dear Aunts,

I have been dwelling with this thoughts of me for a couple months now. It is about my boyfriend whom I met online 15 months ago.

He used to tell me about coming here to be with me and then after a few months he stopped doing that instead he asked me to come be with him.

I was kinda aware of things that changed his mind so I sneaked into his facebook account he gave me his password) and found some old messages

that he had in there that were sent by a girl who used to be his past girlfriend (whom he met online too), and he made this girl came to the states

to meet him but it ended up breaking his heart because after a while this girl decided to leave him and came back home. He did say the same exact thing

on those letters which telling the girl that they'd be coming back home to her country after a while. I found it similar what he did to me, well this girl

eventually came back home and as soon as that he blocked her from his friendlist. I just don't understand why he did that. He is a great guy, I can tell this because he always do his best to treat me nicely and do whatever I ask him to do but the thing is, I can't come be with him because my parents are against that idea. I've been thinking about this lately and we stuck on so many arguments regarding this. What am I supposed to do? Is this normal what he did or

is he just committing fraud or something? Advices and suggestions are greatly appreciated. Thank you very much.

View related questions: facebook, met online

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A male reader, sebaslookingforward Argentina +, writes (19 March 2011):

I've read many cases like this. He is the male, he has to visit. No more questions asked. If he changed his mind, that's a huge red flag. If he gets mad because you cannot visit him, then break up. I have had online relationships and they don't work, you cannot (or maybe should not) love nor trust someone that you have never met before like that. If he is to be trusted, he should visit YOU. The girl probably left her becaus something must have turned out badly when they met

Good luck

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A female reader, elizabeth1986 United Kingdom +, writes (19 March 2011):

Please please be careful. A man convinced me to move only 30 minutes away from my home town and it was awful. he refused to move to my home town. We have now broken up and the difficulty of moving all my things back was a nightmare. I now realise that the man i was with was very controlling which is why he would never move to my town.

I also know somebody who moved his life to another country for a lady he met online and it went horribly wrong.

He could be genuine and it might be wonderful and the best thing you have ever done, but I think you should spend weekends or holidays together first and take a long time to decide where it is best to live. You could spend time together in both countries and see how that goes before either of you make any decisions. If he is not willing to try spending time in your country at all, then be very careful because it's only fair. It's a huge decision, please be careful and don't rush into anything. If you are meant to be together then you will be one day xx

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