A
female
age
41-50,
*ey
writes:please help me, this is the scenario: my ex-bf and i been together for almost 6yrs until he went to dubai for work. we had long distance relationship for more than a year until his american citizen old classmate who was in USA pop into his facebook. after their 4days chatting only, they had relationship without me knowing. after their two weeks relationship they planned to get married. my ex boyfriend told me everything after i discovered what's between them, we broke up. what's bothering me is that he still keeps on calling me long distance every week and keeps on chatting and telling me that he still misses me too much and he wants me to meet with him this coming september 2011 for he will be spending vacation and while waiting for his fiancee to wed him on the same month. what shall i do? do i have to meet him? is it possible that he still in-love with me? do i have to win him back? i'm still in love with him, he accepted me before, eventhough i'm not legally separated and a single mom. please give me advice im so confuse. thank you.
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female
reader, ney +, writes (3 July 2011):
ney is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIt's just that I'm thinking that he just wanted to be living in the USA that's why he wanted to marry an american citizen as a passport but he never said anything on me. It's hard to believe that how can a guy be inlove with a girl who's only in the facebook and wants to end up to marriage so suddenly that he wasted our long term relationships. He's really a crazy guy! Anyway it's his lost not mine! I can move on without him in my life and with all your same advices, it was very helpful to make a decision. Thanks.
A
male
reader, Wheeler  +, writes (28 June 2011):
 It is very likely that he is afraid his current relationship and upcoming marriage will not last. The relationship he had with you was much more established.
I brought up some statistics in response to another question that I think apply to your situation very well. The percentage of relationships that become long-term that start with cheating is less than 5%. Of those 5% that become long-term relationships and eventually lead to marriage, 75% end in divorce.
The point being that relationships that began with cheating are extremely fragile and very seldom last. And that is not surprising since trust is foundational to a relationship, and cheating is an active and intentional breach of trust.
He probably recognizes that his new relationship is very weak.
The more important issue here, in my opinion, is why you are not outraged that he cheated on you in the first place? He treated his relationship with you as if it were worthless, and threw it away without much regard at all for your feelings or how much it would hurt you.
Unfortunately you have let him run all over you. That you even spoke with him any longer than it would take for him to apologize profusely is a bad sign. Now, since you have not held him responsible for his actions, and are even showing him that you will tolerate him continuing to do whatever he wants, you cannot expect him to do anything but continue to behave in the same way.
I was floored to see you write, "what shall i do? do i have to meet him? is it possible that he still in-love with me? do i have to win him back?"
WHAT?!
Why in the hell are you WORRIED about what he thinks? What do you need to have happen to know whether he is still in love with you or not?! Guess what!?! He not only isn't in love with you, he could care less about you! Do you think someone who loves another person would cheat on them, drop them like a bad habit, and ask another person to MARRY them?! Where have you gotten your definition of love?
"Do I have to win him back?"
Why would you want to win him back? Do you want to be with someone who will cheat on you, and get engaged to someone else? Do you want someone who does not care in any way about your happiness?
Putting up with this behavior shows me that you don't think you deserve better. If you do not think you are worth more than this jerk then you clearly have issues of self-worth. Do you really think that being a single-mom narrows down the field of men that will "accept" you that much? I can assure you that there are many great men who will love you for who you are, and love your child as an extension of you, without any reservation.
Until you face the issue of your self-image and self-worth, you are not going to see how awful this guy has treated you. He is not worth your time, or worth being in your life or your child's life. But it will do no good telling you this because this is a realization that must come from within.
You do not have to meet him, and you do not owe him anything.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 June 2011): 6 Years together and no commitmemt to you, yet after 2 weeks with this woman he wants to marry her. This shows you his true colours, he was with you until something better came along! Dont meet this man because he is just wanting a goodbye hop into bed with you and to see if he is over you. Dont do it because you will end up feeling worse than you do already. Never once have you mentioned if he has said he regrets his decision. Make his mind up for him and move on from him, he doesnt deserve a second chance. Dont answer any of his contact with you. Even if you are lonely, dont contact him either, you deserve much more. His new wife is welcome to this cheat if she knew he was in a relationship with you. Just think of all the heartache your saving yourself because he will never change but you will always know that it was him that ruined a good relationship and let one of the good ones go.Have fun getting to know you again and what you want to do now you are not tied to this commitment phobe x
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A
female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (28 June 2011):
If you have any self respect, don't take him back. He doesn't seem to be concerned about your feelings, he only cares about his own wants. He is doing this because he wants to use you again, like he did before. This guy is a cheater, he cheated on you with her, and his brilliant plan is probably to cheat on her with you right before they get married. Why would you want to win him back? There's nothing to be won, only misery. He's not a good catch at all and you're insulting yourself if you fall for this. Please don't let yourself get used by this lowlife again.When he calls you again and insists to meet, tell him: "Why do you want to meet? You cheated on me with this woman and now you think you can go back to me for some action right before you get married? How stupid do you think I am? It's all about you and what you want and you don't care about me or her at all. You treated me like a piece of crap, just like you're going to treat your future wife like crap. If I had any sense I would kick you out of my life because all you do is cause misery. Guess what, I just got sensible. Do not ever contact me again." Please, please don't be a doormat! Cut off all contact with him and cut him out of your life. You (and your child!) deserve better than him.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 June 2011): No you don't have to meet him and I don't recommend you do. He's set to marry another woman whom he courted behind your back.Block and delete his contact information. Don't speak to him again. And don't offer any explanations. He doesn't the courtesy.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 June 2011): No, don't go. If he loved you, he wouldn't have left you oin the first place. He's still with her and wants you too. That's not right. He's playing with you. If he wanted you in his life he would have broken up with her. You should talk to him and ask him why he wants to meet you. If he says he misses you, tell him that then he has to choose. And he has cheated on you too. Its better not to meet him. Just simply say, "No, I don't want to be with you anymore". Being with him will leave you with riddles and questions of whether he wants you back or not. I don't think you should be with him anymore. You should move on and enjoy life. These are phases of life. Everything happens for a good reason. If you were with him right now, he would be asking another girl out and you would be oblivious about it.Take care.
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