A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi people,Im in a very very awkward situation and any help would be greatly greatly appreciated!!(everyone is 22 Y/O)A little background: My friend who I will call Jane and I hav been friends for a little over 6 years. She and her Boyfriend who I will call John have been together for the same lengh of time. Me and her became friends as john is best friends with my current boyfriend and we were together when thier relationship begun and so John introduced us as me and him were also very good friends. Jane has been working full time for the last 5 years and has developed a career and is ready for the next step in her life. John has just finished Uni is in alot of debt and is looking forward to enjoying a stress free life for a while before he starts a career.The problem: Saturday night I was at janes house having wine and a good gossip when she confided in me that she wanted to move in with john and start a family with him. She explained that when she attempted to discuss this with him he almost had a nervous break down and said he could not think that far in the future. She went on to say that when she told him she was ready to start trying for a baby he told her that he doesnt want kids untill hes travelled and started a career and probably wnt start untill hes 30. My friend was visibly upset so i tried to reassure her that were still so young and theres so much to do before the next chapter. Anyway then she goes on to tell me that shes missed a few pills and her period was late however she went to the doctors and was not pregnant, however this news disapointed her and that if she was john "wouldnt be happy but would have to shut up and learn to like it" . thinking she may be acctually trying to get pregnant I told her that she needs to tell john when she forgets her pill as its his choice wether or not to have unprotected sex as well as hers. To which she replied shes done it so many times without telling him in the last year she probably cnt even get pregnant and she will carry on as she doesnt like condoms and he would make her use one! I know 100% that john would step up and be an amazing dad but thats not the point it should be his choice that shouldnt be taken away from him on purpose by someone who is meant to love him. Ive tried talking to my friend to explain that 3 things you need for a baby is financial stability, a home and 2 people who want to make a baby my friend has none of the above!! shes relentless tho and would not listen to my advice I even tried the emotional route and tried to explain when I have a baby and tel my partner I dont want to be scared of there reaction but know theyll be as happy as I am. this didnt work eitherI love both my friends but i feel terrible keeping this information to myself tricking someone into having a baby is terrible! I cant talk to anyone about this including my BF because I dont want it to get out as gossip and all my friends are from school and part of them same circle.Do I tell John?Do I leave it and pretend she never said anything? if i take the 2nd option and she gets pregnant il never forgive myself its eating me up inside i dont want to lose my friends!
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best friend, condom, debt, period, trying for a baby, unprotected sex Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Fatherly Advice  +, writes (24 October 2014):
 Jane who is 22 has been working full time for 5 years since she was 17. She has been dating John since she was 16. John doesn't want to settle down and have a career until he is 30, but he has been monogamous since he was 16. And That kiddies is why you Don't steady date until you are ready to form a long term commitment like marriage and babies.
The solution to this is simple Jane needs to date someone who is thirty since she wants to act like she is 27. John needs to date some one who is 16 since he wants to act like he is 17. Jane's good girlfriend should stop gossiping and listening to drunk confessions. It would also not be a bad idea to inform John that Jane has been "forgetting" to take her pill lately.
Quite Frankly Jane has already told John her desires. John has already expressed his opinion about it. But because he wants to be 17 he isn't thinking very well. Enforced Chastity is about the only way an outsider could prevent John from getting Jane pregnant.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2014): Guys thank you for your feedback i guess what i was looking for was reassurance that my worries had foundation! youve all confirmed that for me! i sent my friend *jane* a text last night asking for an update as i wanted proof of her actions incase she tried to deny them when I confronted John. I also offered her the option of telling him herself and if she does not tell him I will. I know our friendship is over but atleast its not life changing like what shes doing! I never want to medel in anything and im not the gossiping kind of girl which is why i ended up here and not talking to my friends or boyfriend!
Thankyou for helping me confront the issue guys!!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2014): Is it right for a guy to purposely poke holes in his condoms to try to get his GF pregnant against her will? Hell no!
This stuff should be a CRIME! People should get sent to PRISON for it!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2014): What a horrible person she is! Sorry, but to up-end another person's life like that, terrible. not just his really but also her potential child(ren)'s.
Definately tell her BF right now, you can do it in confidence; I am sure he will be grateful you told him. I hope he has the piece of mind to dump her quick. She needs serious help, and should not be in a relationship with anyone until she gets some therapy.
please tell him today!
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (23 October 2014):
 My advice: You say to your "friend": "For you to try to get pregnant is a FRAUD..... and I am going to tell John that THAT is what he faces in the near future. Armed with THAT information, he can make his OWN decision as to whether or not he's content with you and your conniving."
THEN, tell John that you are aware that this girl is TRYING to become pregnant by John... and that YOU think that he should be armed with that FACT.... such that he can decide how to proceed......
WHAT is the matter with young women????..... that they think they can conceive with unwitting young men... and then say, "Oops, we're going to be parents... REGARDLESS if you've told me that you want to wait until a certain time in the future for that."?????
Myself? .... if I learned that I'd dump the conniving little b**ch, tout-de-suit, and let her find some OTHER dupe to provide her sperm!!!!!
Good luck...
P.S. You KNOW that you can't keep your "friendship" with this conniving woman, once you've outed her????? Not much of a loss.....
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (23 October 2014):
 If she didn't say,"now don't tell anyone" then it's not a secret so you're not betraying a confidence and if you feel it would be of a positve value to pass it on then by all means, tell your friend. Oh the webs that we weave!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2014): Very tricky. I personally would tell her that you don't agree with what she is doing and instead of tricking the person she claims to love, she needs to have a reasonable, calm conversation with him so they can work out their general future. He can't expect her to up and leave a well established career to travel, just as she can't deny him his goals by trapping him into a pregnancy. You say what you have to say and then advise her you are not going to talk about it anymore, that you've said how you feel and that as you're friends with both of them you don't want to be involved.
Don't get annoyed with her, stress to her how you want them both to be happy and potentially she could end their relationship behaving like this.
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