A
male
age
30-35,
*oolblu89
writes:Do I have jealousy issues?So I'm a guy and I'm going out with S, my boyfriend, for a month now. S is bisexual and you couldn't even tell that he's into guys. In fact, he makes fun of gay people. But anyways, he's really nice and all that. When we're both together, we can just talk and talk for ages, and it isn't all about sex, like some relationships i've been in.My problem is this: He has a bestie L, who's a girl, and she's a mutual friend, who I've known through S. S admitted to me that he once had a crush on her, and he even tried flirting with her and stuff like touching her and making hints about liking her, but L would not react nor respond to his gestures, and so S just basically gave up trying to get her.L does not know of S's sexuality, nor does she know that I am gay. Basically, no one knows that S and I are in a relationship. And when we go out we just act like normal straight guy friends. But everytime L is there, S sorta spends more time with her. They would decide things together, without getting me to participate and stuff, or asking me what i think. For example, we were at a party last night, and S and L were both there. We were talking and what not, and all of a sudden the conversation just shifted to the both of them. They both decided that they wanted to leave for a while to grab a pack of cigarettes, and all this, while I was standing there like an idiot. And then they just left, S didn't even ask me if I would wanna come along. I was really pissed at S for this, and when they came back S acted as if nothing had happened and asked me to stop making a fuss on things. I couldn't help but feel so left out and jealous. This is the second time that this has happened. I really don't feel happy whenever S and L are together. I feel jealous. I just feel that I'm not good enough for him. My question is, is it ok to feel jealous? Or is this just simply childish of me to think this way? SHould I talk to S about this or just let it be? If so how can I tell him how I feel, I don't want him to think I'm all that obssessive and jealous... even though I really am. Help!?
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male
reader, jp21  +, writes (21 July 2010):
 well just say to him, im going to call S. Seth, and L. linda. say to Seth, you spend time with Linda and disclude me and i feel left out, and i was wondering if you could add me into your schedule. I really like our rel-ship but i dont like to feel alone or discluded. mention it only if its still bothering you. but i mean the more i look at it i see a fling/or experimenting then a relationship. its more for the bed room then the out-side-world for now.maybe he does want to hang out more but he's scared, he isn't ready to come out just like you. he is still strugling with his sexualitly too. does he want to still go out with Linda, for a cover story maybe?i say ask him as much as you need. just say i have to say a few things or its going to keep on bugging me lol.
A
male
reader, Boonridge McPhalify  +, writes (20 July 2010):
 i have had a "relationship" myself that was like this (amazing sex but we could never go out places together and behave like we were "together") and it didn't go anywhere good, because it couldn't.
until you are more honest in your life with friends and family an open and happy relationship will not land in your lap. until then jealousy will hit you harder because its a function of the instability you feel having things hidden (which i know from experience is worrying and stressfull). the best you can do for know is come out to friends...
good luck
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A
male
reader, koolblu89 +, writes (20 July 2010):
koolblu89 is verified as being by the original poster of the question I know... but the thing is, i'm not open about my sexuality either. the both of us have not come out yet. I'm 19 and my bf's 18 and I personally don't think I am ready to announce that I am gay to my friends and family yet.
But I guess you're right. I do feel that in reality a.k.a. outside the bedroom, it's as if I'm not in a relationship with him.
Thanks for the advice anyways guys, I appreciate them so much!
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A
male
reader, Boonridge McPhalify +, writes (19 July 2010):
yes but socialising is not the issue- get him to be open about your relationship with other people or in reality you dont have one. its the same as going out with a married man where you have to keep it hush hush but in this case there is no other person so why keep it quiet?
why wont he acknowledge it? its why you feel jealous
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A
male
reader, koolblu89 +, writes (19 July 2010):
koolblu89 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSo i just spoke to BF about this. And he says that it's just him to socialize, especially with girls. He says I should trust him and that I was the one who was overreacting. In the end I end up saying sorry for causing the drama. Sighs...
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A
male
reader, Boonridge McPhalify +, writes (19 July 2010):
it doesn't matter that they went off without you to buy stuff, the problem is he isn't open about his relationship with you to anyone but you and this means that to others it isn't even socially there. which means that if he did come on to her he would seem single and therefore she might go a long with it (hypothetically).
this would be an issue even if it was a straight relationship. if no-one knows you are going out and he openly mocks gay people then it sounds to me like you dont have much of a relationship. she is not the problem, his hiding your relationship is. if he cannot be open then it will signal the end of this, because if it meant anything to him he would be comfortable rather than hiding it away.
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A
male
reader, der_zyniker +, writes (19 July 2010):
He might be doing this because he just wants to act like you guys are just friends in public, but I would talk to him about it. Tell him how what he's doing is making you feel.
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A
female
reader, Denizli  +, writes (18 July 2010):
 Um i think its normal to feel jealous, its like a natural reaction when you feel like attacked but maybe you should talk to him about this to tell him that this situation makes you upset but if you think you are going further with your jealousy then there could be something wrong with you. I had a bf who was a real control freak, it was hell. He would ask me all the time who i was with and what i was doing he even dared to talk to my friends on facebook and told them to leave me alone cause i was his! Although i didnt give him any reason to act like he did.
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A
female
reader, johannabanana +, writes (18 July 2010):
 It's perfectly fine to feel this way. You are in a relationship and he is treating you like a second. Sit down talk to him and explain specifically the way he acts around her that he isn't acting with you. A relationship does not exist and/ or falls apart without open communication.
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A
male
reader, koolblu89 +, writes (18 July 2010):
koolblu89 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionbtw I would really like to know how I can talk to him about this calmly and without jumping into conclusions. Thanks!
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