A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:A few months ago I posted about my husband coming home from a branch office visit for day (the branch was closing down) and I saw long scratch marks down his arms and small bruises around his wrists. They scabbed over and the marks were there for a few weeks.He told me the scratches were from the ghosts that inhabited the branch building. The employees their had told him the building was haunted.The responses I got back were that he was insulting my intelligence with that story.Lucky for me, but unfortunate for him, a week later, he had to go the ER after a cut he received. While we were in the ER he had the presence of mind to tell the nurse about the scratches on his arms and he told her he somehow woke up with them and didn't know how they got there, thinking it was ghosts or something like that. I am sitting there, thinking what?? and how great a cover story for the scratches.He is meticulous with his record keeping on his mileage. He has since got a new vehicle. He has three cars.I have tried, to no avail to find the mileage chart on the vehicle he sold, that I think he used to go the branch office...if he went at all that day, but I cannot find it. Like, where did it go???I have checked all the other vehicles mileage charts and I see no evidence of him using those vehicles to go to the branch office.I think if I found the mileage chart for the vehicle he sold, it would 1) tell me if he actually went to the branch office on that day or 2) if he was lying to me. He has lied to me in the past about other things.All the articles I have read say that I am not confront, because if they are cheating, they will go underground and cover it up even more if you ask them.The comments he has made to me about his ex-wife were that she treated him so badly, but that he never cheated on her, but he should have.Then when we were driving around town, he made a comment about someone that he knows cheated and if a person cheats as long as they are discreet about it no one will know I guess.I find these comments and line of thinking unsettling.I have kept my cool so far, but it has been hard.This is eating me up inside, wondering if he did cheat.It's the being in limbo that is the hardest for me.He is attentive in all other ways with me if I were to look for a change in behavior, which I haven't seen, but he is also a good liar or slick with his words and is very quiet on certain areas of his life so he doesn't get detected is what I have uncovered about him.I'm confused on what to do.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 October 2014): My girlfriend went through something similar.
Her husband spoon-fed her the most outrageous and ridiculous stories that she ever heard. But she took it.
She let it look like she was the doe eyed, innocent and naïve little wife while all the time looking for clues and becoming a very good detective in the process.
Actually, it took her a couple of grueling years to find out her husband was having an affair, but she patiently waited for the truth.
She did not want to accuse him of anything until she had solid proof.
Put your steel boots on and keep looking.
Cheaters always mess up and eventually let their guard down.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 October 2014): I read your prior post: http://www.dearcupid.org/question/have-you-ever-found-hard-physical-evidence-of.htmlYou know your husband best. I think the answer is in his pattern of lying to you, as you said, he will later on, refer back to the same topic and add to it. To me that appears he is only giving himself more time to think about and revise or embellish his story to you hoping you will swallow what he is saying.I CAN'T say he cheated on you just by the scratches alone, but I think his pattern or behavior of HOW he lies to you is telling.Your gut, your instinct is telling you something. Women are intuitive and normally our gut instinct is right.I smell a cover up and I would dig more into your detective work. Look around the house for the mileage chart. Just realize, that may be very hard to find. He could have that stashed "anywhere". With it being only on paper, who knows where he has it, unless you directly ask for it, which I don't advise doing. He could very well at a later date, put it in the file thinking you forgot about this encounter. This may take awhile, so hang in there.As other posters have said here, be very vigilant. Something is bound to show up.Be very observant of any odd behaviors from him. Cheats will exhibit those too as CindyCares has stated.Know that you aren't the only one that is going through this and that you are not alone.From what I have gleaned it's the limbo and not knowing that makes it 100 times worse for women which is unfortunate as it drives us into that crazy detective mode and zaps us of our energy when we could be putting that to good use in other places of our lives.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (8 October 2014):
 Personally I do not believe in ghosts nor in ghost scratches - nor in the Loch Ness monster, as for that - so I don't care if they are popular in I-net and they come up one zillion of times, I still would feel that my intelligence has been insulted by the attempt of feeding me such bullshit.
I have to say , though, that these marks do not sound like the typical mementos of vigourous lovemaking. Scratches on the arms ? ( but not on his back, or chest ?... ) So deep to leave long lasting scabs ?? ... What is it, he made love with a she-devil ?!
And bruises on his wrists, why ?... Well, maybe if they used handcuffs...
Anyway, it's a weird story, a weird behaviour from him, and a weird explanation. It may not be , it's not IMO, enough as conclusive, damning evidence, yet it's strange and fishy. So keep your eyes open, be very,very vigilant , and see how this plays out.
If this is the one and only strange episode in the next future, ah well, maybe he had a nightmare and scratched himself in his sleep. But if there is anything else amiss, other sudden trips, unexplainable absences, reticent answers, " white " lies... I think that, whether he admits it or not, you have your answer.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 October 2014): He must have had sex with someone. That ghost of a b*tch must have left her marks on him in hopes of breaking you both up. Just how did those scratch marks get there in the first place. They probably are fingernail scratches if they are long. I read your prior post.
The ER room story he gave the nurse tells me he is covering something up. Why go into detail about the scratches with the nurse without her even asking about the scratches when he came in for the cut he had. It all sounds too fishy to me.
Good luck to you in getting to the bottom of this. Keep looking and something will turn up. Give it time. I hope you find your answers.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 October 2014): Janniepeg got it right. Why isn't your husband scared or freaking out about the scratches on his arms? I would be and so would any other "normal" human being over something like that happening to them, male or female.Your husband is feeding you a line of BS in my opinion.Something is very, very off about his story.I bet he had a fling and didn't go to that branch office, but met up with someone for sex and hence the scratch marks and bruises from that "ghost woman."I hope your find that mileage chart or that he trips up and you are able to find out more so you can move on with your life.Beyond that I would be pissed as hell just with the story he fed you and I couldn't maintain my cool like you are doing. Does he take you for a fool?Men are so stupid.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 October 2014): There are too many holes in your husband's story of lies. I am not buying it at all.I don't buy what he told the ER nurse either. He sure was quick on his feet though to feed that story to the ER nurse about his scratches to deflect from them.He must think you are really naïve or innocent to believe everything he is telling you and that you are actually buying it.If he had long scratch marks down both his arms and bruises on his wrists, then yes, I would doubt him too on his story about the ghosts. He is throwing you a line of baloney and it IS an insult to your intelligence. Did he really go travel to the branch office at all on that day? That is what you are trying to find out. OR did he have a fling. The scratch marks are telling in and of itself. I hate to say it, but it sounds to me like he did have a fling and a woman scratched his arms up during sex and she bruised him on his wrists as they did it. She left her calling card or mark on him, not some ghosts. That would be my conclusion, although, as you, I would keep it to myself until I learned more.I find it very suspicious that you can't find the mileage chart at all for that vehicle! My husband keeps a file on all the vehicles he has had in the past along with the mileage chart. Why is that one mileage chart in particular missing is what I would want to know. Is there something on there he doesn't want you to see? Obviously there is.I can understand being in limbo and it's the not knowing that would drive me crazy. You need to know so you can make a decision on whether to stay or move on if he has cheated.As hard as it is, continue to keep your cool and keep looking for evidence. You don't have concrete proof yet that he fooled around even with the scratch marks but you have a right to your suspicions. If you confronted him, he would do more to cover it up and you may never find out.Eventually, Karma will play a role and reveal itself. Cheats always get lazy or sloppy and trip up down the line. If he has cheated, something will show up. Give him enough rope to hang himself.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (7 October 2014):
 I searched on the internet on ghost scratches and found 50000 results. They consist of pictures and people telling stories and not knowing how the scratches occurred. I don't think all of the stories could be made up or written by paranoid schizophrenics. What troubles me is how your husband coped with it. He doesn't seem scared. If that happened to me I wouldn't be able to sleep for months and would consider changing to a new work place. The fact the only thing he is doing about it is going to the hospital makes me doubt his story.
When he told you what he thinks about cheating, he wasn't being discreet. He could tell this to his male friends, but not his wife. He didn't know the effect it has on you and didn't realize there are things that you just never tell your wife. When he talked about his ex wife, he could be fantasizing what he couldn't do in real life.
The only way you can be convinced about the ghost story is to visit the branch building yourself and get a feel from it.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (7 October 2014):
 You are already out of the marriage in your mind, you are just looking for "justification" to leave. You don't trust him and you are so obsessed with "spying" and "catching" him that you are turning into very insecure person. ANYTHING he says or does, you start to presume it MUST be him cheating.
Saying that someone cheating who is discreet won't get found out doesn't mean HE is cheating. It's an ODD stance to have and personally, I would have confronted my spouse if he made a comment like that. Asking him why he thinks that.
A ghost scratched him? That sounds ridiculous. And I would have my doubts too. But scratches on the arm and wrist doesn't really sounds like those a "lover" would make.
If you feel this way about him, why not leave? Why not say, I'm done. Ir SPEAK to him. Tell him, there is something up and I can't put my finger on it. I'm not happy with you and I feel like you are not happy with me.
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A
female
reader, Izzy2  +, writes (7 October 2014):
The scratches do sound a bit suspicious. Perhaps you could probe him further about how he got the scratches without actually accusing him of cheating.
It's hard to say but just going on what you have said it doens't sound like he has been having a long term affair. I am not saying he has cheated, but if he did perhaps it was just a fling. If that is the case, you are perhaps better of not knowing anyway.
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