A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hey,About 3 months ago I broke up with my boyfriend after we had sex for the first time. We were (and still are) 15, and I felt it was too much too young.I also had another worry, as I was completely in love with my best female friend. She knows how I feel, but our relationship has stayed the same. We're still close, and I'm finding it hard to forget these feelings for her.Yesterday my ex asked me if I wanted to go to the cinema with him, and see about getting back together. I don't know what to do. On the one hand, going to the cinema could be a good thing to get over my best friend, but on the other I could end up feeling worse and guilty that I'd done it after telling her she was the only one I loved.I just wanted to know what you would do in this situation? Should I go with the guy to help get over my friend, or should I forget the guy and keep my hopes up about my friend?Thanks in advance x
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2008): Hi, I've read all of your answers and they've all been extremely helpful!
To answer some of the questions, I don't know the reason I had sex. I just did it, we broke up shortly after because I felt that the relationship was moving too fast. I could have slowed it down, but I chose to end it completely.
Secondly, I've had feelings for my best friend for about a year now, and she's known for about 2 weeks. I understand what you're all saying, she doesn't feel the same way. I know this, it's the reason I'm trying to get over her.
And lastly I'm still going to the cinema, but I've made it clear to my ex that I want to go as friends only. He's fine with this.
I find it hard to imagine not loving my friend, but I know once my feelings have become nothing more than friendly, it'll be for the best. It still doesn't stop me from thinking about her and wondering if she'll ever love me back, but I know this is false hope.
Thanks for all of your replies, I really appreciate it.
A
female
reader, RubyRouge +, writes (13 August 2008):
Hey, this is a really complex problem, but I've kind of been through the same thing myself, so I'd like to help.
Firstly, I wouldn't encourage you to date an ex, if you are in love with somebody else, believe me, it's not the way to get over someone and isn't a good base for a relationship.
About your friend, she may be ok with your feelings, but you said the relationship has stayed the same. Think about that, if she wanted something more, wouldn't she have made a move in that direction by now?
I think what you need to do is forget your ex, and leave yourself open for a new relationship. But please don't let yourself get held back by feelings for your friend, I promise you'll get over her eventually. I hope I've been able to help xxx
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A
female
reader, -Red-  +, writes (13 August 2008):
 I doubt that by going out with someone else you can forget who you really love, but life sucks hunni and if this girl doesn't feel the same way about you, i think it's best if you do try your do best to move on. You never know. You're very young and with time your feelings will probably go dim and then you'll move onto someone else. Sorry i couldn't be of much more help.
Good luck chica
xoxox
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A
female
reader, thescorpionicqueen +, writes (13 August 2008):
I think you know your answer to this question yourself- don't go out with your ex- not because you want to reserve yourself for your bgf, but because clearly if you went out with him it would be for the wrong reasons. Going out with someone on rebound is never a good idea- and you will give false hope- So I would advise you that if you still want to do out with him- make it clear that you are confused at the moment and would just like to go as friends.
Another thing is that you should not reserve yourself for your friend if she does not reciprocate- she knows your feelings but she has not said anything about it- so if you do go with your ex- do it without feeling guilty.
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A
female
reader, thats_not_my_name +, writes (13 August 2008):
 hey! hmm.. this is a tricky one! well i would say, don't let your feelings for your friend stop an other potential relationships, i don't know how long she has known about your feelings for, but she hasn't acted on them, which may mean she does not reciprocate them. maybe you should ask her if she sees you ever having a relationship? if that sounds far too cringe-worthy, then i wouldn't persue it, don't let your feelings for her get in the way of other potential relationships. however, i would also suggest that you don't go out with your ex if the only reason is that you want to get over your best friend! if you don't feel comfortable with him after your relationship then it's just not worth it and also you shouldn't use him! i'm not sure any of that was any help at all, but hopefully some of it made sense. good luck and if you ever need more advice or wanna talk feel free to message me :) xxxxxx
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A
female
reader, superrrshawna  +, writes (13 August 2008):
 i wouldn't go. you don't have feelings for your ex, so don't lead him on and use him to get over someone else.
i would find another way to keep myself busy and my mind off of her.
good luck in whatever you choose to do!
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