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male
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*ritGuy
writes: Hi, I meet a girl four years ago and we was going out for the 1st two years and was really happy. I moved in with her and her 10 year old daughter, and my two kids stayed at the weekend.Two years ago on Boxing day we had a party and both got drunk.We had a huge row and a physical fight.To cut a long story short she ended up stabbing me in the chest with a kitchen knife, and herself twice-once in the stomach and once in the arm in a fit of rage, all the wounds was not life threatening.Of course i moved straight out.The Police wanted to press charges and it went to crown court-i stated from the beginning that i didnt want to pursue it and they later dropped the charges.I didnt see her for a year and half until we bumped into each other in town.I arranged to meet her for a drink and started seeing her again.The problem is we've fell for each other again, but im torn between ending it or moving back in with her.I dont think anything would happen like that again, but my head says walk away and my heart says go for it.I would find any advice helpful as this is driving me crazy! please bear in mind that im sure she wouldnt repeat What she did and has no previous history of violence. Thanks a lot.
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female
reader, Angel ron +, writes (13 February 2006):
 do not stay with her she is really dangerous iam in an abusive and controlling relationship too my husband won't let me look after my daughter iam not allowed to have any froends get.TAKE MY ADVICE GET OUT KNOW
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2006): PLEASE DO NOT GET BACK TOGETHER WITH THIS WOMAN UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES.
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A
female
reader, willywombat  +, writes (12 February 2006):
 Only have one piece of advice for you, which has stood me in good stead after I came out of an abusive relationship....
ONCE A VICTIM, TWICE A VOLUNTEER.....
Read it and then think about the advice you would give to somebody else in your position.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 February 2006): I concur with all the other Aunts on this page and I want to add my two cents. Use your head here and see her for what she really is, dear. I may be off-base here with my assessment but one of the reasons you have become so attractive to this emotionally troubled woman, is that it has been clear from the start that you could be manipulated into taking care of her, and furthermore, that her needs seem more important than yours. One of the most important things you can do is to begin to put your own needs first. And I think the basic human instinct to survive, comes in as top priority. How can you be absolutely sure that this will not happen again-in the future. Arguments happen in relationships. If she says it won't happen again..can you trust her? Common sense should tell you that drinking alcohol does not cause most 'normal, well adjusted,nice, loving' women to grab a knife and stab a guy in the chest. Her problems runs deep with her own psyche. The woman has profound emotional issues that only intensive therapy can help her with. Just a guess here, but your problem could be, you like rescuing women. Men like this, like feeling strong, important superior-being the hero. Rescueholics are drawn to emotionally wounded, fragile women. These relationships suck you in and they end up being abusive. Recognized this pattern, and be strong enough to change it. Remember, in all co-dependent relationships, the rescuer needs the victim as much as the victim needs the rescuer. The real problem is that like all rescuers, you are mistaking sympathy for love. You already know from experience that this sort of relationship is doomed. You end up acting like a parent, tiptoeing around your partner in order to not upset her, and making excuses for her behavior. You said this in your posting yourself, her excuse for 'stabbing you" was she was drinking. You asked me how you could stop. My advice, dear.... Just stop. End this relationship before it gets underway. Why chance it. It's time to look at your own issues and needs that have addicted you to this kind of unhealthy love pattern. Decide all the wonderful qualities you want in a strong, good woman. Learn to recognize the warning signs that someone is a potential "victim" type mate. This will help you resist the temptation to get involved with another rescue job again. But before you even think of dating, get some counselling for yourself and start healing on the inside. I wish you well, hun and good luck
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A
female
reader, Laine +, writes (11 February 2006):
 hi there, was astonished to read your question and will answer this one concisely.
i find any form of abuse intolerable, and psychologically speaking, she may be sorry for what she has done, but its a known fact that if someone abuses you in any way (not even to the extreme you were harmed) then you should walk away and never look back, otherwise you send the message its "OK" for the person to behave that way, and may well do it again, as for you falling for her (again), could be a little bit of co-dependency we all seem drawn to dangerous things in our lives sometimes, the adrenalin rush, etc, but its far safer to take up white water rafting or mountain climbling than to stay within a situation that has caused physical harm from another person, and you just don't know whether she has a history of this type of behaviour. if she's a volatile personality, you will just never know when it could happen again, sorry to say i would say stay clear of this one and find someone who doesnt feel the need to harm others.
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A
female
reader, auntie claire +, writes (11 February 2006):
 dear britguy i don't quite know how to start this one but as they say you really can't help the way you feel can you. I wouldn't say run like hell just be very carefull its the same as if a dog bites you, if they've done it once there is more chance they can do it again. i'm always one to say follow your heart and in this case i think if you are 100% sure then may-be it is worth another shot i wouldn't say rush in and move in with her right now but i think if you was to take things slow you might have a better outcome.as for drinking may-be that shopuld be knocked on the head if either of you are having issues.Just take it steady for now i think and i wish you both good luck in your future ( together or not )i hope you have found some usefull things to go on in what i have said good luck for the future and i hope for your sake you make the right decision xxx
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A
female
reader, fairyangel  +, writes (11 February 2006):
 Yes, I agree, this is one psycho chick for sure,
you must be either very brave or very stupid.
No, seriously....
What has she done to prove she can control her temper now?
Are you willing to take that chance?
And please, whatever you do...
never fight in front of the kids... ever!
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A
female
reader, nofrills +, writes (11 February 2006):
 This takes the cake!What on earth are you thinking?You must have lost your mind to think of taking this lunatic woman back!And lay -off having drinks with her, she can't handle herself around alcohol.Run like hell and don't lok back, she's a mental case, my friend.
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