A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:OK, so here's my problem. My boyfriend says I squeeze my vagina too much too early during sex. All I'm doing is involuntarily starting to have a orgasm, which happens multiple times during sex IF i'm enjoying it. But he won't let me! He told me afterwards, the other day, "You're just going to have to stop doing that, hon, you squeeze and I can't stay in."But if I focus too much on controlling my orgasm and delaying it, then I never end up having an orgasm, and I don't enjoy the physical aspect of it like he does. What's going on, and what could or should I do? I don't have a lot of sexual experience-this is only my 2nd partner. But the first boyfriend I had, we never had this problem, sooo....? He is losing his erection and getting it back, quite often. Could that b the problem, or is it that I'm "pushing him out"?Can anyone help?
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erection, orgasm, vagina Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 January 2012): I see a lot of 'keep doing what you're doing' sort of answers here.
I will play Devil's Advocate here and off an alternative.
This isn't about sacrificing your orgasmic reactions for his. It's about learning each other's preferences and then knowing how to satisfy them.
If your natural reactions are causing him discomfort than continuing without a second thought would almost be on the same level as your significant other doing so, even if it caused you the same. It's a terrible thing to do either way.
Either sit and talk about it, and find other ways of reaching orgasm or try and learn techniques for delaying and even altering your reactions to physical pleasure. It can be done. Women often ask men to do it all the time without understanding that it isn't so easy.
I could bring up tantric techniques, but you'll have more fun as a couple. discovering them for yourselves.
But don't assume he's just being selfish. He might just legitimately feel uncomfortable.
Flynn 24
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (22 January 2012):
 How about taking turns? "This one is for me, the next one is for you." Literally keep a scoresheet. That way, he can learn to stay inside you and you can learn to hold off on early orgasms. Then the partner who didn't get to have the orgasm of his/her choice gets to have an orgasm in another way.
That is, if the rest of the relationship shows signs of being promising. If he's uncompromising in this, well, maybe the two of you aren't really compatible.
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A
female
reader, charliesdevil73 +, writes (22 January 2012):
 I squeeze during orgasms as well, so I can understand your frustration. I had a couple of boyfriends who hated it and complained like your man is doing. I now have a husband who loves it.
Like Beingblack stated, maybe your man wants a more "ladylike" reaction in the sack. Men like that are usually selfish, this being my opinion from my own experiences. I think you should continue with your methods to achieve pleasure. Maybe explaining the situation will shed some light on your man's opinion. But if not, I wouldn't sacrifice your sexual happiness for his. Sex is important in a relationship and if he won't let you be happy, then find someone who will.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (22 January 2012):
 Oh no! Don't stop it or try and stop it, if he can't handle that.... He can't really handle sex with a woman.
I haven't been with a lot of men but I have only heard good thing about the squeezing.
If he goes limp, that is on him.. Maybe that is why he is trying to blame you and your squeezing.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (22 January 2012):
 *Clearly
PS. If you and him are a recently new couple all you need is some time to learn how to work with each others bodies. He might be slipping out because he pulls out too much, or because you are in the wrong position. Each couple will have some positions that work better for them. What worked with your ex might not work with your new boyfriend, and what didn't work with your ex might work amazingly with the new guy. Experiment to find out.
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A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (22 January 2012):
Qlearly he is oblivious to this being an involuntary action. Tell him. Inform him about what it means when your body reacts in that way. Tell him if he wants you to stop then he'll have to stop being so darn good in bed.. That ought to change his mind.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2012): "Do I give up on me orgasming so he can?"
No, give up on him so you can.
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A
male
reader, Beingblack  +, writes (22 January 2012):
 You sound just like my partner, she has big vaginal and pelvic contractions and has orgasms very quickly.
It sounds like your boyfriend is scared of the force of your all round sexuality.
When it comes to sex, everyone is completely different, and we all have our own ideas of what great sex should feel like.
He might want a compliant 'ladylike' partner who quietly and gently enjoys sex, while your reactions are to have muscular pelvic and vaginal spasms multiple times.
I know who I'd prefer! Carry on doing what you do!!
He doesn't realise what an amazing sexual creature he has in you, and if he is any kind of man, he must understand that your reactions are exactly what needs to happen if you want to completely enjoy sex.
I personally don't understand a guy who would complain if he was with you.
There is NO WAY you should give up on your glorious orgasms, just to massage his ego.
I wonder what his past sexual relationships were like? Does he realise that the majority of women require varying levels of clitoral stimulation to orgasm, rather than intercourse. I dont think he knows how lucky he is. So you should tell him.
If he is struggling with his erections, there are plenty of solutions these days.
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A
male
reader, DoubleM +, writes (22 January 2012):
 Well, in my opinion, a woman who can control her pelvic muscles to squeeze is a blessing. It sounds like your boyfriend may be rather small in the erection if it squeezes him out, and in any case, his complaints about it are misguided. The only times that I've ever been "squeezed out" were a few instances when I did soften, but that was my fault, not hers. I think that he may be blaming you for his own shortcomings, such as either remaining firm or being a bit lacking.
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