A
female
age
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*ostinmylife
writes:Where to begin. Me and my husband have been married 8 years. But the last year and a half lived apart it started out just for work but progressed to a real seperation. Our marraige has been rocky for most of its duration. We have argued for yrs and he became abusive physically and emotionally. but the last year and a half we have lived in 2 different states but remained in contact via phone. At one point I went home to stay and try to work on thhings over the phone he talked a good talk. the first night home was wonderful but the second day out of nowhere he says get your stuff and get out i dont want you. so i move back to the other state hich withing days he is calling and begging me to forgive him and give us a chance. But nothing seem to change if he didnt like how our conversation was going he would get irate and hang up and i wouldnt hear from him for a day or two. In the mix of this i meet a wonderful man who has a past but has totally done a 360 in is life and am pleased to be friends with him and to see and hear of his changes, everything about this man is been good. I have become attreacted to him and him me and he wants me to finally give up on my rocky relationships and he has heard some of them and listend to the threatening voice mails. the new guy is calm and doesnt raise his voice talks very calmlyand to all accounts seems to have turned into mr perfect not just to me but to my friends, work assoc. and kids they all love him. The problem is for what ever reason I feel i still owe my husband a chance even though I have given him many, he swears he has changed this time if i would just come home so he could show me. i am a little scared. do i go and find out it is the same old life i feel I am lost in a life of mental abuse, a sexless marraige for the last three yrs because he cant and would rather watch porn than be with me if i go home I lose all chance with mr right. But if i take the chance with mr right i worry what if this time my husband meant it. I have to admit part of my wanting to go home is it is home and my husband makes a good living and I dont have to work and mr right makes a living that we would barly get buy on even with me working. but money isnt everything. please give me any advice i truly feel i am lost in my life, just stuck afraid to move back or forward
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reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (18 November 2009):
I completely agree with the post below. Your husband treats you like some sort of slave. Get away from him.
As for this new guy, take your time with him. He does have a shady past, and you dont' want to get dragged into another mess. But at least get away from your husband.
A
female
reader, Another_Kapiti  +, writes (18 November 2009):
 I think that if you read back over what you have just written, you'll see which man deserves you more!
On the one hand, we have your husband who is physically and emotionally abusive and seems to want you only when it's convenient and on his terms, who treats you like the proverbial dogs dinner and is basically never going to change (no matter how many times he swears he will)..
On the other hand, (good thing I only have two or I could go on for hours!) you've met this wonderful man who had the misfortune to have had a bit of a shady past, who's done everything to turn his life around, treats you like a princess and is an all around nice guy.
You are deserving of the best hun, so take the prince, and leave the frog at the door. The only reason you're unsure is the fact that you've given 8 years of your life to your husband, so he's familiar, but that's the only thing holding you back right now.
Hope to hear something positive from you soon!
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (18 November 2009):
 physically abusive never deserves a second chance!
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