A
male
age
36-40,
*r questions
writes:It's a long story, I've been with my girlfriend for the last 6 months, we have an internet relationship and we have met up about 10 times (we live an hour away from each other). We love each other to bits but I suspect her of having cybersex behind my back. We have each others MSN passwords and I have checked her mail before and contacts. I will call myself Jim and call my girlfriend Kelly. Our msn names are always the same, mines JimlovesKelly and hers is always KellylovesJim. I went away for the weekend and that first night I was away I checked my MSN and she had dropped the "lovesJim" from her name so her name was just Kelly. When I got home I was suspicious and checked her MSN and there were about 7 people she had added over the two nights I was away, one of them had a very explict sexual name. Some would say I am very paranoid but I don't see why she would change her MSN name and then all of a sudden she has a load of new contacts. This has happened once before when I was away for the night, the next day her name had changed so it didn't mention me and she had added new contacts. It's like while the mice is away the cats do play.She is bisexual and I agreed to have a threesome and start looking for another girl to join us, a few days after this I checked her mail and she had joined a lesbian website and her profile claimed she was single. She had also sent rude pictures to some lady but there was no mention of me. When I confronted my girlfriend she said, "well how else are we supposed to find a girl to join us" but why claim she's single if we're looking for someone together?In her defence she is a very nervous girl and I doubt she would cheat in person as she has to have her friend there when she meets me, but I know how much she lies. She lies to her family, friends, ex boyfriends and I sometimes think she could well lie to me. Any advice would be helpful, I know there's no trust and that is not good but am I being paranoid or am I right to be very concerned that while I go away and don't come online for a night or two, she changes her MSN name and adds new contacts, a couple of whom have sexually explicit names.
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female
reader, dazey  +, writes (18 November 2009):
I think you would do well to realise that many people adopt a different persona for online activities. For example, my name is not Dazey and if I overheard you talking about this on a bus I would probably not interfere! The web gives us all a little bit more license and relationships conducted via this medium are subject to that.If you imagine that the internet allows people to be in touch with others without revealing their true identity, you might begin to see this behaviour as less about how kelly relates to jim, and more about how kelly uses the internet to enable fantasies she may not indulge in in real life.The fact that you have each others' passwords sounds odd to me, you effectively have no privacy and you track each others' every cyber-move.Other than that I can't advise, The rules of engagement are clearly different online, it seems to be on some levels a very invasive and unrewarding way to have a relationship. I'm glad I'm old skool! Good luck to you.
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