A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyone 4 week ago me and my ex decided to give our relationship another go he spun me lines and i fell for them.My friend is on a dating site and saw him on there so told me im glad she did , im tempted to message him and tell him liars always get caught out and that i know hes been on this site for the last 4 week , (so hes been chatting possibly even meeting up with other women) i even took a pic of his profile with date and that he was active . i know a lot will say dont waste your time but i actually think ill feel better saying it to him and also tell him to jog on.Ive waited and kept calm and plan on doing this tomorrow . is it a good idea to expose him to make me feel better or do i just blank and block him and feel like i didnt end it with feeling powerful ?
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female
reader, wrathykins +, writes (8 April 2016):
 I would message him the screenshot of the dating website, and say something sassy like "Want to give it another go do you?! Get lost!" or words to that effect, so you can vent your anger at him.
Don't even give him the chance to reply. Delete and block. Goodbye to the loser!
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (8 April 2016):
 Don't bother. Most ,most probably you would not feel better, because it would not go as you plan. He'd find a way to turn the tables on you, and to make it 's all fault of your ( possessivity, paranoia, dramaqueenness, fill the blanks ).
He'd tell you that it was just a prank, or a bet he made with somebody, or an idle curiosity to see what these sites are about, without any intention, perish the thought, to meet anybody. Or, it was a "test" because he suspected you were snooping on him and keeping tabs on him. Or even- an intellectual research triggered by reading a book or article that he wanted fact-check.
If he is good enough at thinking on his feet, he'll come up with something that you won't be able to believe, but won't be able to disprove either, - and lo and behold the focus will be moved from his slyness to your ( insecurity, jealousy, bossiness, again fill the blank ).
If he can't come up with anything- he'll get mad, like anybody who is being cornered. Furious in fact, it may end up in a shouting match based on " So what ? You do not OWN me " " I only did it because you such a this -and-that and such a this-and-the-other. "
Distasteful, unpleasant, futile, and instead than moral satisfaction, you'd get nervous stomach ulcers from that.
Your wrath.... As if he were so very afraid of your wrath.
He can live with it, don't worry.
I liked very much Janniepeg's " car dealer " example. Another fitting example could be : apartments thieves. Aren't they afraid to go to jail ? Don't they know that if they get caught they could go down for 5 years or so ?....
They know : they think that's very very improbable that they get caught , but IF they do, so be it. They'll just serve their time. Professional hazard.
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A
female
reader, Ivyblue  +, writes (8 April 2016):
 Blank, block and avoid altogether. How annoying would it be for him to not know why. There girlfriend is your pound of flesh.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 April 2016): No way! Don't blank him! That's letting him get away with it! He does not deserve that! What he does deserve is your wrath! Give it to him with all barrels! Tell him exactly what you think of him and don't hold back. You will feel much better and can walk away with your head held high. Take that you a-hole!!!
Too many people say to be civil and walk away with your dignity. That is a load of crap. You need to fight back. People need to see they cannot just lie to you. Walk all over you. Treat you like garbage and expect you to scurry away with your tail between your legs. To heck with politeness! Look at what he has done to you! At this point, the GLOVES ARE OFF!!!!!
Just thought of one more tactic if you want to hit him where he lives.
Tell him you met someone else who is better in bed than he is and that you're leaving him! You're doing it anyway! This way you get the satisfaction of dumping him and having the position of power all at once! Good riddence to him! He's out with the trash where he belongs!
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A
female
reader, Caring Aunty A +, writes (8 April 2016):
 If this was a new guy you just met, and after 4 weeks you were informed of this piece of information I’m sure you’d think and act differently; like perhaps giving the guy a chance to explain?
However exes have a reason for being exes and only you know whether his spun lines have any real backbone, or whether this is part of his usual practice to deceive you and others.
As for exposing him, well it was your choice to fall for his lines. It would have been wise to have been more cautious second time round and not so believing?
It’s a pity you can’t expose him to other unsuspecting women on that website. Still if it’s power you need, I’d tell him once and for all to jog on!
Take Care – CCA
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (8 April 2016):
 I'll bet if you look up "IDIOT" in the dictionary his photo is right next to the definition.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (8 April 2016):
 I don't think he would be very sorry when caught. He's just trying his luck with you. Exposing lies will not work in making people feel shameful when they grew up believing that lying is a way of life. He feels it doesn't work out with you, at least he tried, like a secondhand car salesmen who could ask always other people. When you spend energy and effort in exposing him, it would give him the satisfaction that you think about him, and that he has importance in your mind. Not giving a hoot can be a powerful feeling too.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (7 April 2016):
 I think the confrontation you think you’ll have when you show him the evidence that he’s on a dating site probably won’t go entirely to your plan. I guess the question for you is, what do you hope to get out of a personal confrontation? An angry reaction? A contrite “I’m so sorry”? Watching him curl up like a little baby?
If you know you will feel better and can handle things not going to your plan, then go ahead and do it. Leave yourself a clear exit, don’t have to fiddle with catching a bus or paying the bill or anything like that.
Obviously you are furious at him, will good reason. But when the dust has all settled, a year from now, what will you be proudest of yourself for doing right? What will cause you to day, “good job, well done, you!” to yourself?
We did have a post from a woman on here a few days ago, in which she was very upset that the dating site she’d deactivated still showed her as active. She knew this because the guy she’d been on one date with called her out on it. So just be very clear you are 100 percent right before having any dramatic scene.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (7 April 2016):
 I would call him and end it, or heck text - I don't think he "deserve" the courtesy of being dumped in person. If he asks why, I'd say something along the lines of; "I don't see a point in trying to make a go at this relationship when you are still on a dating site and it tells me you are STILL looking, which means.. I'm not the one for you. GOOD Luck and don't contact me again."
After that, I'd block his number and delete it. Remove and block him from all social media and NEVER look back.
There is a GOOD reason ( I bet) that you two broke up in the first place. Going back to an ex rarely works out, because the issues that broke you up in the first place were never resolved. Sweet Words and Empty Promises doesn't fix a single thing. Talk is cheap.
BE GLAD you haven't wasted more than 4 weeks on this guy before you found out. Now you can put him firmly in the past.
I think calling him out is a healthy thing. It's not like you plan to plaster the Internet with his deceit. You are just giving him notice that you will never ever put up with his crap ever again.
Just be prepared for him trying to "defend" himself with a whole slew of new lies. Like he didn't make that profile, it must be a friend, or he had forgotten all about that "OLD" profile, etc.
So If I were you I'd just text him, the whole spiel and not engage in ANY more conversations after you have said your piece.
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