A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My best friend has been seeing someone for the past 3 years and was starting to fall for him. I did a bit of snooping on his social media and found that he's been with a girl for over a year now. My friend trusted this guy 100%, so she never bothered asking him more questions about his life or tried to snoop around. I ended up telling her and she was very devastated. She asked me if I knew who it was I told her "no I don't know who she is personally, but if you want we can tell her?" She said no because what was the point if we don't know her. I want to tell the other girl that the guy she is dating is a jerk and doesn't deserve to be putting up with him. My friend still has his # and messages where he says "Hey when I visit you are we going to have sex?". My plan is to screenshot his # and messages so that the girl has proof and doesn't think I'm making things up. Also I just want justice to be served for these 2 ladies that have been wrongfully lied to.
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (8 April 2016):
 I think you should go with your plan, this girl deserves to know what her boyfriend has been doing behind her back, it might stop her from getting hurt even more in the future. Good luck.
A
female
reader, wrathykins  +, writes (8 April 2016):
 I would go for it! I am SICK of men messaging other girls whilst they already have a girlfriend. It's sad that this is going to really hurt some poor girl who is oblivious to all of this, but if it were me, and I were dating a scum bag, I'd rather find out and hurt for a little bit than not know anything and have the relationship progress to living together, engagement etc.
She's going to be hurt. But I hope she will see it's a good thing to find out. It'll also give your friend justice!
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (8 April 2016):
 Normally I say back off, but in this case I say go for it. You don't know her, so it's not like you have anything to gain from telling or not telling her. So from the way my moral compass works, you can inform her for the sake of alerting her.
You have proof, so it's not just rumours. Just be factual about it, ad understand that she might attack you in return, as the messenger usually is the one to get shot. It will be embarrassing for her, you see. So don't rub it in, just screenshot of the message and explain the situation about your friend.
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A
female
reader, Ivyblue  +, writes (8 April 2016):
 I agree. He should be exposed. Not for vengeance, thats just a bonus, but more because the ow deserves to know the truth so she can make choices just as your friend has had that opportunity. why not show him what you got and tell him to tell her himself. If he does he does, if he doesn't he doesn't but you can walk away with the knowledge that he'll be sweating it out.
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A
female
reader, Dionee'  +, writes (8 April 2016):
 I may seem a bit mean by saying this but I honestly wouldn't bother. you've already done what needed to be done and that was warn your friend. I get where you're coming from, I honestly do but I'd just focus on my friend instead of the other woman.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (8 April 2016):
 Honeypie's got the point. You should take in what she says.
Here's something else:
When you found out what this guy was, you did the right thing by exposing him to your friend so that she could get away from him. She made the call that she didn't want to know who the other woman was, and you should honor that.
Never forget that as your friend's best friend, your primary concern is and always will be forever...your friend. You did the right thing to protect HER, but if you continue on this crusade, constantly talking to your friend about what a slime this guy is, contacting the other women, inviting retaliation and negative communication from this guy to your best friend, you will hurt your friend.
What you should do now is to help your friend get over this guy, cut off all communication (including erasing all phone numbers and all texts), and move on. By telling her to keep all of his past sexual overtures to her as "proof" of his snakiness, you're keeping your friend imprisoned and caught in one of the most devastating moments in her life rather than having her move on, move away from him, and grow stronger.
Your desire for justice on the guy will move away from the honest desire to protect your friend into the dishonest desire to fulfill yourself by seeing him get what he deserves against your friend's wishes. I know you're a good person, so I'm not attacking you for having that desire. How many of us have wanted to see a filthy cheater who hurt our friend get his fun bits burned off with a hot poker, right?? JUSTICE! BUT - our love for our friend transcends any personal emotional satisfaction we seek in burying the guy.
Be a friend. Don't let her pine for him or think about him. Get rid of all traces of him, including texts, social media, talking about him all the time, all of that. She knows he cheated, she was devastated, and she doesn't care who it is. If she has left this guy, then help her move away from him in mind, body, and emotions. Your and her ultimate justice will be in seeing your best friend happy in the arms of another man who treats her 1000 times better than this other guy. If your friend is caught in the devastation of obsessing over who her ex cheated with, then she can't move on and get healthy.
So I won't attack you! I get what you're feeling, but remember, friendship before vengeance!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (8 April 2016):
 I don't see why this is your crusade to be honest, you can give your friend the info and SHE can choose what SHE wants to do about it.
To me it sounds like like you want to stir up some drama.
A little to "social justice vigilante" for me.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 April 2016): I say do it. Go with your plan.
I believe some people need to be taught a lesson. That is there are consequences to their actions. Because of their actions, others get hurt. Maybe next time they think about inflicting that kind of emotional damage onto others, they will actually think twice. All thanks to you, the one who taught them this very valuable lesson. One that they needed to learn very badly. One I guarantee they will never forget for the rest of their lives.
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