A
female
age
36-40,
*mino
writes:Please pardon my anxiety filled letter. But I am desperatly seeking some honest perspective on this. Anyone taking the time to read or reply, I greatly appreciate it.I'm just 22 years old, never dated, and already feel like I'm one of those individuals that deserve to be by themselves because (from what others have told me) I'm too picky. I tried keeping the qualities I admire in a guy as simple as possible: Very attractive (facially) and whatever traits constitute being a "Nice Guy". I know this sounds very broad, but I figured if I start listing attributes (height, race, etc for physical; Ambitious, good listener, etc for personality), then Id really be limiting myself. Of course, whomever can have their own flaws, but again, I'm not sure what those would be.I did consider "someone who doesn't cheat", but it seems 90% of men these days cheat anyway, so id be asking for a miracle.Speaking for myself, there isn't much fluidity between personality and physical attraction. I hold both pretty much equally. Which means a self centered hot guy is a complete turn off. And a man with an awesome personality who is even average looking I can never "click" with, even if I do get to know them. According to close friends and some anonymous posters on another forum:(A) My "type" is too perfect / Has no flaws / Is a fantasy and impossible. I never imagined they must be perfect nor do I believe I'm perfect. (B) Even if guys like this DO exist, they wouldn't give me the time of day. Apparently, you need to fit a certain criteria to even date a physically attractive man, and I don't meet that criteria. I never thought I was ugly, but I've been called everything from average to above average, to gorgeous, and it has only left me confused. Because then there's the concept of leagues which I never believed in or understood.I've tried forcing myself to change who I'm attracted to, and become attracted to average looking guys and its only lead to frustration and disaster. I wish I was like other women, who can admire a mans personality and then that transforms what they look on the inside, but that never works for me. I've been like this for years, and I don't believe its raging horomones influencing what I'm attracted to, but just the way I am. So if I can't change who I'm attracted to, what the heck am I supposed to do? All of this leaves me afraid to commit to anyone who approaches me because I'm never attracted to them. And guys I do like, apparently I'm not good enough because they never approach me.Which makes me believe I need to plan my future just being alone. I know this letter made me sound like one of the most shallow ugly people ever, but I'm not looking for a goodlooking nice guy to feel good about myself, or parade around and show off.So I'm really confused =( Am I really asking for too much?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (18 April 2011):
 "And guys I do like, apparently I'm not good enough because they never approach me."
I can't remember a time that I've ever approached a random girl... I know I'm far from alone. Its an absolute myth that if a guy likes you enough, he'll approach and if he doesn't then it means he just isn't into you.
Poppycock.
A
female
reader, Amino +, writes (17 April 2011):
Amino is verified as being by the original poster of the question Yankit:
Sorry, I know the 90% statement was a huge generalization. But it just appears that way when every relationship my female family members and friends have been in all ended because the men cheated. Half my male friends admitted to cheating. And a guy I was interested in a few month ago lied about having a gf and I found out a week later. So I say that not because I dislike men, but because of what I witnessed from being a kid until now. I apologize if that is misinterpreted the wrong way.
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A
male
reader, yankit +, writes (17 April 2011):
First; I'd like to respectfully disagree about the 90% of all men cheating number. I've no idea where you pulled that from but as an older man, I'd have to argue that probably 90% Don't cheat ( they may have fantasies) but they for the most part stay true to the one they feel for.As to being picky. Since when did having high standards deserve a critical view? It sounds to me like you're a women who knows what she wants and deserves to get it! Get past the negative view of men and maybe "Mr. Right" will just appear. Misogony will not win friends and open doors but misanthropy will not either.Good luck
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 April 2011): no, i actually feel the same exact way. i'm told im gorgeous and beautiful, and though i think im pretty, i don't think im amazing looking. anyway, i usually don't like guys or think they are attractive right away, but then over time they grow on me. then the guys i find really attractive, and who flirt with me back and think i'm attractive too, don't ever want a serious relationship with me. and then the ones i don't find initially attractive and who i fall in love with over time, all of a sudden become unattractive to me. so, i'm lost too. i guess you will just know when you know it's right, and your heart will line up with your eyes and everything will make sense. until then i guess i will be alone too.
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