A
female
age
30-35,
*ristina kumar
writes:Hey everyone, ok I need some help I'm in a really sticky situation right now! So here it goes, I've been with this. Guy for nearly a year now we work together everyday and always have eachothers company, however we broke up for a month because he feels he can't trust me at all from the past! Now I've booked next week of holiday because my dads coming home from italy and my mum and sister are gonna need me! But I MIGHT be going italy saturday because he's really nervous about seeing my mum again so he's taking it step by step!p, my boyfriend is gonna hate me, he don't even like me going to tesco or shopping let a loan italy! We've only just made up 100% and I love him so much I CAN'T risk loosing him again so I've cancelled the trip and staying at home! I know I sound stupid and I should put family before anything but I feel I have to do this its not fair I know but I can't go through all that heartache again! Am I doing the right thing?
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female
reader, Battista  +, writes (18 April 2011):
Thanks for your update OP. Re-reading my post I'm sorry if it came across as a bit harsh....it wasn't intended to be, but as with a lot of queries on here it's always easier to see a solution as an outsider than when you are involved. Part of the reason for my answer is that in the past I have been in the same situation as you, and now I really regret some of the choices I made. Your family will be so pleased to see you, whereas all your bf wants is to keep control of you. Anyway, I'm sure you will make the right choice. Good luck!
A
female
reader, AskEve +, writes (17 April 2011):
 You'll go through a LOT more heartache and unpleasantness with his controlling ways in time to come if he doesn't compromise and meet you half way on things. He's insecure and needs to learn to TRUST you! Your boyfriend is controlling you and YOU are allowing it. He'll be noticing this and his control will only get worse. Your family were there long before he was. Your dad needs you right now so you should have made that your priority and gone to Italy with him. Your boyfriend won't like it but tough! Your loyalty is to your family first and foremost. Your boyfriend sounds very insecure if he has a problem with you going to the shops. If you continue to give in like this then he'll continue this control and start to tell you what to wear and who to see friend wise, he might not even want you to HAVE any friends at all.Take back the control and go to Italy to be with your family. If he truly does have genuine feelings for you then he'll respect your reason for going and still be there for you when you return. If he gives you an ultimatum then get rid of him. Even when we're in a relationship, we still need to have our own identity and do things alone that we enjoy, then go back and share what we did with our partner. As it stands at the moment, this relationship is very unhealthy and unless you put your foot down, I'm afraid it will only get worse.Stand your ground!~Eve~
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female
reader, kristina kumar +, writes (17 April 2011):
kristina kumar is verified as being by the original poster of the question Hey battisa, I really appreciate your reply so thank you I will be baring what you've said in mind! The only thing is giving up feels like I'm failing and that's not what I do! Its so hard, I'm gonna talk things through tomorrow and take it from there! Hopefully things go ok and he'll understand
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A
female
reader, Battista +, writes (17 April 2011):
You're doing the wrong thing.What sort of loving boyfriend would have a problem with their gf going home to visit their family at a time when they need them. This man sounds incredibly controlling- he doesn't even like you going to Tesco? That is really worrying and a dangerous sign. What is even more worrying, in my opinion, is that you would rather keep this controlling man happy than see you family in another country. He clearly has control over you as you are now changing your plans to keep him happy. Do you really want someone like that? Normal relationships do not involve a partner having a problem when the other one wants to go to the supermarket. Moreover, by you now not seeing you family he is gaining even more control by making you distance yourself from them.You have to ask yourself whether it's more important to avoid this heartache than to go and see your family, or, as I would put it, more important to keep this controlling man happy than visit your family when they need you. His is clearly easily able to manipulate you. I imagine this will only get worse over time.Don't lose this chance to see your family over a guy you've only just got back together with. Family should come first. You're not married to this guy. Have another think about your priorities.
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