A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I don't know what to do. My boyfriend and I have been together for 5 years. Our 5 year anniversary meant nothing to him. He told me that. He never even remembered even though he knew it was a big deal to me. I'm going back to Uni soon and he's never once said he's happy for me or that he's proud of me. Anytime I bring up the subject of Uni he stops talking to me and we end up in a fight. He's always insulting me and putting me down in front of people. I'm always called fat but I'm a size 6. I go to the gym 6 days a week. I collapsed at work a few months ago and had to be rushed into hospital with heart problems. He had to take a few days off work to look after me. I was made feel guilty because he lost a few days wages. I've been told that I don't deserve anything nice from him or presents of any kind. I work 6 days a week to pay all the bills and to pay for Uni and I'm still expected to do all the cooking cleaning and shopping. What do I do? Do I deserve better? I don't know.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2010): Get away from this guy please....although you and him are still very young, his behavior will only get worse NOT better with time.
Maybe you stay with him because, you love him so deeply and the thought of leaving him pains your soul to the very core (I have been there honey), it could be low self esteem, being too lazy to date and find someone else, you think he will get better and etc. I am here to tell you that whatever the reasons maybe, HE ISN'T WORTH IT. Who cares if he goes out and finds another woman...men like this almost never change they're behavior regardless of who they are in a relationship with. So don't go fooling yourself into believing that somehow you are letting go of some "prize."
My grandmother was married to my grandfather for well over 30 years where he abused her, carried on affairs, had children with other women who lived in the same neighborhood (they also attended school with the children he had with my grandmother) and while he had money and showered by grandmother with gifts, a nice house, cars, trips and etc....he was horrible in so many other ways and to this day, my grandmother hates the sight of my grandfather; she has had several life threat. surgeries, and now lives alone in a seniors complex. All those years of being married, all those years of trying to "make things work" all those years of being there for him, all those years of giving birth not to one, not two, but to 15 children and this is all she has to show for it after 30 + years of marriage. It's a sad story and I don't want to end up like that...I don't want to be old and miserable, pondering on "what ifs" or "if I would have just left him" b/c it will be too late then. 5 years is long enough to be with someone and know if they are worth the wait or not..and to me, your bf isn't. He isn't even worthy enough to wash your dirty underwear with his bare hands!!
A
male
reader, Kenj +, writes (17 August 2010):
 You dont deserve to take that rubbish. Get out and find someone who appreciates you.
No guy has the right to treat you this way, he doesnt love you. He doesnt appreciate you and he doesnt respect you.
By the way at size 6 your NOT fat!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2010): Of course you deserve better. And it looks like you knew the answer too, just seems you needed reassuring.
No one should be treated this way. In my opinion you've just wasted 5 years of your life with this man. Find someone who loves and respects you.
Leave him, you can do so much better for yourself.
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A
male
reader, dirtball  +, writes (17 August 2010):
 He's an asshole. Nobody diserves to be to be treated that way. Send him packing!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2010): You have a great future ahead of you and you are right in the process of CREATING your future, do it WITHOUT the dead beat who wants to drag you down ....if he is not WILLING to GROW with you then i would most certainly say tata.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2010): THats abuse. You deserve much better. Leave and never look back
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2010): Yes, you do absolutely deserve so much better than this kind of treatment. I'm so sorry to hear how this guy is treating you. Your self-esteem may be low, and so you may question whether you actually DO deserve better or not. But believe me, you do. And you CAN do much better than this. Please believe that. My suggestion is to walk away from this guy. And start again without him. I think you will start to become a lot happier without him bringing you down. I hope you are feeling better after your recent hospital admission, take care of yourself and don't let anyone bring you down.
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (17 August 2010):
 YES!!!! Any man( to me his a waste of space) that tells u ur anniversary doesnt mean squat, insults u in public, calls size 6 fat (thats skinny) expects to be waited on hand on foot, and makes u feel guilty for being in the hospital with heart problems is NOT worth ur time much less the same air u breathe. If i lived in the same country as u I would tear that jerk apart and hey the world would be a better place without someone like that. I dont what his problem is, or if he's always been like this but u need to tell him "I dont have to take this, u cant talk to me that way, I deserve better, its over. Buh-bye." U have more self worth than what he is giving u...there are men out there that wont treat u like dirt but in order to find them u have to get rid of that jerk! Best of luck!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2010): Are you for real?! OF COURSE YOU DESERVE BETTER! He sounds like a total ass. Get out now and find somebody who deserves you and treats you like a human being. He sounds just plane cruel.
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A
female
reader, BeSimplyTrue +, writes (17 August 2010):
 Straight off the bat I would say that no one deserves to be treated the way he treats you. It sounds like he guilts you and cannot be happy for your success, AND he is also resentful of you AND expects you to do more than your fair share of the housework.
However, I suppose we're only hearing about how he treats you, not how you treat him, so it's only fair to ask. What kind of things do you say to him? Are you hard on him the way he is hard on you? I've seen some couples where both partners are hard on each other (though usually they apologize afterward) and it works.
Seriously, though, it sounds like you have a really difficult situation with your boyfriend. It sounds like he is carrying a significant amount of resentment for some reason. The way he doesn't note your anniversary or praise you for continuing your education, says you don't deserve presents, told you your anniversary means nothing... those are pretty much acts of hostility. What do you suppose is going on here? How long has your relationship been this way?
Personally, from what I've heard already I'm thinking along the lines of "Can this relationship be saved?" because it sounds like it's in serious trouble.
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