A
male
age
,
*osmo36
writes:I have been married about 21 years. The last 7 have been really bad, it is almost just like sharing a house with a roommate.My last kid will be moving out is September. This opens a new chapter. Do I continue this loveless relationship?Anyway I reached out through Facebook and found an old girlfriend from 35 years ago. We met and had some dinners as well as a ballgame. I’m surprised on how well we reconnected.She never got married. We didn’t have sex just kissing. We never got to sex years ago as we were taking our time.She has some trepidations more than mine as feeling being entangled in all of this. I always regretted breaking up with her.I do feel a flame rekindle, versus my life nowAny thoughts?
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male
reader, BrownWolf  +, writes (22 July 2019):
Normally, the one who complains about a loveless marriage is the one who does then lease to bring love into their marriage.
The old truth...You get what you give... Don't expect your wife to be all over you with love, if you are not all over her with love.
Your marriage is like a brand new sports car with a flat tire. You would rather sell the whole car instead of fixing the tire...Wise people find a solution to their problems. Foolish people run from thiers.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2019): Try rekindle that marriage before you break up for another woman.
Look at the book Love Languages and The Love Dare.
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A
male
reader, Cosmo36 +, writes (21 July 2019):
Cosmo36 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionVery good advice. I do need to clean up my mess first.
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A
female
reader, KeW  +, writes (20 July 2019):
 Hello OP,
I understand that you are unhappy in your marriage, but that doesn’t excuse meeting up with an ex and kissing. Your wife doesn’t deserve to be cheated on just because your marriage isn’t a happy one.
Stop talking to or seeing the ex until you’re divorced. It’s not fair to your wife. Now you need to think about the next step. If you get divorced, you shouldn’t pursue your ex straight away. Jumping from one relationship to another isn’t healthy for anyone involved. You need to divorce because you’re not happy, whether you end up with your ex or not. If you don’t get divorced, then you can’t cheat. It breaks people.
Do you want to get divorced, OP? If so, then do so; it’s understandable when things haven’t been working for a long time, but no more cheating.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (20 July 2019):
 Yes, separate the marriage issue from the potential new girlfriend issue. You need to decide whether to continue your marriage as a stand-alone matter, not so that you can pursue this ex girlfriend.
Have you talked to your wife? Is she, perhaps, also unhappy? You need to decide whether your marriage can be fixed and, if not, whether you need to end it, kindly and cleanly. Only when you are a free man should you be looking at potential new girlfriends.
Your ex girlfriend sounds like a sensible woman not to want to get involved in the break-up of your marriage. If she had a little MORE sense, she would have stayed away from you completely, given you are married.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 July 2019): Exactly what Honeypie said, and this is a man in wholehearted agreement with her! Please do the right thing. If roles were reversed, you would want and expect, that same courtesy!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (20 July 2019):
 Before you go ahead and "re-kindle" with your ex, DECIDE what to do about your marriage FIRST.
Your wife will unlikely NOT really want romance back in the relationship if it's been "dead" for 7 years. But I think after 21 years together you kind of "owe" her not to CHEAT on her. You are already bordering "dating" this old flame. Probably LYING to your wife as to where you go and what you do. Don't be THAT kind of man.
TALK to her and figure out where to go from there. And no jumping into another relationship until the INK is dry on your divorce decree IF you decide to divorce.
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