A
female
age
41-50,
*adly mistaken
writes:How do i stop caring about what my husband thinks of me!? Hes a very selfish person and i think i made a miatake marrying him. I cant leave because i love him but it doesnt feel like he loves me the same Reply to this Question
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female
reader, KeW  +, writes (23 July 2019):
 Hello,
I am sorry you feel this way. Leaving someone you love is not easy, but I don't believe staying married to him will be conducive to a happy life for you. You could have another 50 years stuck in this unhappy marriage with a selfish man whom you regret marrying. I believe you deserve better than that.
Part of being in a healthy marriage is caring what your spouse thinks of you - which is why it's important that they aren't inconsiderate or cruel. What do you love about him? What does he do for you that makes up for his selfishness? What makes you think he is selfish and that you shouldn't have married him? What does he think of you? How does he treat you? How does he show he loves you?
Being married isn't a life sentence, but it is a prison of our own making, if we stay when we probably shouldn't.
If you could contact yourself from before you married him and warn yourself not to, don't you think that your future self would like to warn present you not to stay married to him, as he is now?
I believe you have one miserable option, one option with potential for improvement and one option with likelihood of happiness:
? Remain married as you are
? Communicate with him through marriage counselling
? Divorce
Nothing will get any better if you try to stop caring what he thinks about you, accommodating and encouraging poor treatment of yourself. If you will both agree and commit to it, marriage counselling can do wonders for a difficult marriage - or be more proof that you're not right for each other any more. Then there's divorce. It's not usually easy and can be a very sad process, but it can also be freeing and make you available for a better life, once you've spent time healing.
What you do is up to you, but I don't believe you will ever be any happier trying to ignore his selfishness and thoughts about you because ignoring them doesn't make them go away or hurt less.
Good luck, OP.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 July 2019): To stop caring what your husband thinks of you, you have to begin to care about what you think of you.
This is classic low self esteem and perhaps your husband does nothing to reassure you of his love(not sure there).
Begin by working on building yourself up.
How is he selfish if I may ask? You have already decided you made a mistake marrying him. Are you looking for acknowledgement?
I could go on. Main answer, just get familiar with who you are and work toward who you want to be. Whether your husband is included you'll decide along the way.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2019): Based on no information, I can tell you to seek therapy.
Staying in a bad marriage (if you have other financial options) is like saying that you keep wearing shoes you grew out of and are now two sizes too small because you love them.
In both cases there is an underlying issue, something you should ideally address with a help of a therapist. They way things are right now, if your husband left you, you would probably end up with someone just like him, since you obviously think it is ok for someone to treat you badly.
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