A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi all. I am unhappy in my marriage. I want to leave but I know my eldest son would feel so hurt. I can't take it anymore. My husband cheated after us being together for five years. He brought a child into our marriage and it's like I can't get over it. It was just a few months before we got married he cheated on two occassions (that he admitted) after I made a choice not to have sex for spiritual reasons. He never disclosed that information before we got married. And didn't know the girl was preg until later in her pregnancy. The child is innocent and I personally have nothing against him but everytime I see him I feel like he is a reminder of my husband's betrayal. And it angers me so much to know that there is a huge possibility that his alleged son may not be his. His BM admitted that she was with someone else around the same time. In fact she was that man's side chick. She said the first ultrasound made her think that the child was the other guy's own but later in her pregnancy, the ultrasound gave her a different expected date of delivery. The whole thing about that, is the first ultrasound around six weeks gives a more accurate EDD than the ones later in the pregnancy since the size of the baby can give you an earlier date or a later date. It was only until after we were married he admitted that he cheated and begged me to not leave him. I forgave that man and when he found out that she was prey and she said it's his, he came and told me of that discovery. I told him once that child is his, we're through. Its like he's afraid to do a paternity test. She stirs up so much drama. He acts like he loves me but I feel disgusted about what he did. I just want to go...I do love him...but this is too much. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, NORA B  +, writes (22 July 2019):
It is very sad that the ..child is mixed up in this as you stated the child is the innocent party .Regardless of the fact that he may be your husbands or not...perhaps it might be a good idea to let your husband deal with this issue..if he wants to.This is a very unhappy for all concerned.However as you stated your husband cheated ,not once but a couple of times that he admitted to.When this happens...Trust..which is an important part of a relationship is broken....it is very difficult to trust that person again...if ever.When a man/woman cheats not once but a few times.They are not really sorry..but sorry they were found out.Would you consider talking to a counsellor ? as this is a big load for you to carry.As you stated ...this is too much.So it is time to ask for help.Talking it out on a face to face can be very helpful.Right now everybody is hurting including the innocent child and if you decided to leave when all is explained to your eldest son..he would understand.Kind regards NORA B.
A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (20 July 2019):
 Are you serious? The child's mother was having sex with two men at the time she became pregnant and NOBODY has done a DNA test to find out who the child's father is?
Schrodinger's cat comes to mind. The cat could be alive, it could be dead. Nobody knows until the box is opened. Same as the child could be your husband's but could have been fathered by the other man. Until anyone KNOWS, both possibilities are just as viable. Schrodinger was working on proving a theory; the adults in this situation (including YOU) are messing with a child's life.
My guess is the child's mother decided your husband was the father because she felt/knew the other guy would not have wanted anything to do with it as she was his "side chick" (so I am guessing he was married) whereas she felt she would have better chance of getting support from your husband.
If it turns out the child is NOT your husband's after all, what then? Do you just magically forget he cheated on you? That fact remains constant, regardless of the child's DNA. And what happens to the child? Does your husband just disappear from his life after he has got used to having his "daddy" there? This should have been sorted out as soon as the baby was born and I find the whole situation RIDICULOUS.
Your "problem" is not whether the child has your husband's DNA but the FACT that your husband cheated. You have to decide whether you can live with that as a stand-alone issue.
As you have said, the child is an innocent caught up in the middle of this mess which is totally down to his mother, your husband and YOU. I add YOU into the mix as you could have insisted on DNA tests but you are living under some misguided notion that, if you have no PROOF the child is your husband's, you can carry on pretending the child may not actually be his, despite the fact that his very existence reminds you of your husband's infidelity.
I also have to wonder why you went ahead and brought more children into this equation after you found out about your husband's infidelity. (I assume there is more than one child, given that you refer to your "eldest son".)
I feel very sorry for the children involved in this adult mess, especially the poor child who could be your husband's but might not be. You lot need to get a grip, act like adults and sort this out, one way or another. How much longer do you plan on living in this unhappy state?
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